Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Viva La Revolution!
Now that my iPod has inexplicably died on me (boo), I've started paying attention to peoples' conversations during my commute. I was just on the train, and overheard this guy and his friend chatting. The guy, garbed in these faux-vintage hipster clothes (HATE!), starts recounting to his traveling partner how he totally "screwed" Safeway (I'm assuming this is a Target-esque store? Help me out here…) by stealing a Christmas tree from their lot 5 days before Christmas last year. His daring and complex plan apparently involved hoisting it over a fence after closing. He was literally bragging about this.
Now, I ask you, is there anything more pathetic than a 30-something dude bragging to his friend about stealing a Christmas tree? Furthermore, he was exceedingly proud of himself and what he had done on a societal level; I distinctly heard the phrase "stickin' it to the man." Listen Costanza, "the man" isn't the one you're punishing here with your courageous and radical blows against the bourgeois; it's the minimum wage store employees that are ultimately penalized. "The man" is relaxing at home, or his country estate.
You know how people are always saying "[blank] isn't what Christmas is about?" Now, I don't celebrate Christmas, but I'm fairly confident that I can still say with some modicum of authority that stealing a tree is most definitely not what Christmas is about. Especially when you can clearly afford your $180 jeans and $90 sweater that I know you ripped those holes in yourself, since my brother just got the same exact one, and it's from Banana Republic. (Banana Republic- Truly, the store for revolutionaries!)
Jerkass.
Now, a more pressing issue: Why, oh why is ABBA's Fernando running incessantly through my head, such that, despite the busted iPod, I still had to download it from iTunes?! It's been stuck there for days; I'm so very disturbed.
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7 comments:
Safeway is a grocery store along the lines of Shop Rite in the western part of the country.
I was thinking that your out-of-commission iPod would lead to an increase in spirited discourse, but no... just overhearing a hipster Scrooge. Bah humbug indeed.
And you're right, The Man is totally sitting by a pool somewhere, sipping something blenderized and mocking us all!
There are lots of stupid, tree stealing people out there. Sorry you had to share a ride with one of them.
You're NOT going to believe this, but I am the guy that stole the tree from Safeway who was on the train with you! Weird! Now, while you may feel so very wise and all-knowing on that pedestal of yours (nice pedestal! Is it Crate & Barrel?!) please bear in mind that you cannot view my act of thievery in a vacuum. That would be silly. Rather, you unfairly failed to take into consideration that I was on a drug and alcohol induced mischief spree, completely detached from reality and hallucinating terribly. What's that you say? You feel horrible and had no way of knowing? Exactly. Maybe next time you should be more careful before you cast that huge judgment net upon the ocean of uh, self, er, judgment...okay, I'm still kinda high, tripping balls as it were. Now, I would love to sit here all day and argue with you about judging books by their covers and what a bad idea that is, or judging them by their subway conversations, but I must get back to my job as a Safeway Christmas Tree Security Guard.
Long live the revolution,
Che Guerrero Silverman
Is that last comment for real? If so, that's effed up.
And yet? Kinda rockin'.
It's actually my friend, D; he likes to play make believe :)
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