Monday, November 27, 2006
Signs, Signs, Everywhere a Sign
I secretly think I could be a really good actress, if only I had the time, patience and drive. Oh, and the talent. Scenes for Law and Order are frequently filmed near my office (i.e., somewhere in Manhattan; I've really narrowed it down, no?), and if I happen upon one of the sets, I make sure to talk expressively on my cell phone, sometimes to no one, in the hopes of getting "discovered." Every so often, however, I get to practice in front of an actual audience. Like this morning. J and I were driving to the train station, and were running a tad late. Now, a bit of boring but pertinent background. Our train station is at the bottom of a narrow windy road which goes in a giant circle, at the bottom of which is the parking lot. Basically, picture a big donut (um, I'm hungry) that you access at the top, with a train station at its base. (Yes, that would be really trippy, but picture it anyway.) The traffic is terrible there in the morning, and its pretty dangerous, because people come down this narrow winding road from both directions to get to the parking lot faster. In light of this, a large and impossible-to-miss sign was posted a few weeks ago, at the top of the "donut" (I've picked the analogy, and I'm sticking with it) clearly specifying that the road is one-way during the morning and evening rush hours; that is to say, you can only go to the right. I'm actually fairly certain that this sign is visible from space. Anyway, as I was saying, this morning we were running late, and the following conversation occurred: J: Whoa; we're so late, and there's a huge backup on the access road. What do we do? Aren't you glad I speak in such an expository fashion, Metalia? Perhaps something blogworthy shall transpire here this morning! (Okay, maybe he didn't utter the last two sentences.) Metalia: We have no time; ignore the stupid sign and go left! J: Are you sure, hon? M: Who's gonna catch us? Like there's gonna be a cop there? (Note: I actually said this.) Universe: [barely able to contain its laughter] Of course there is, Metalia! Cop: Pull over! Us: Dammit. Cop: You can't go down this way any more. Us: Really?! J: Wow, we had no idea! Thank you. At this point, the cop is still sitting there in his car, just staring at us, so I decided to use my incredible acting skills, honed from an aggregate of approximately 12 minutes of walking past Law and Order being filmed. Just imagine me saying everything below in a comically exaggerated and melodramatic fashion with many italics: M: Oh my god! There's a sign?! Where? Cop: Top of the hill, miss. M: When did they put it up?! Cop: About a month ago, probably. M: Wow, I can't believe it! Just...wow. I looked at him, and he at me. (Is Lola only running through anyone else's head? No? Just me?) We regarded each other for a moment. I don't know if he thought me insane, or genuine/unnaturally concerned with road signage, but all I know is...we are ticket-free. Woo!