Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Bad Santa
Oh, lord...
Here is the scariest Santa you will ever see. He apparently dwells in the window of a candy store by my office. I suppose the fact that he is made of chocolate diminishes his evil somewhat, but still, he scared the everloving shit out of me when I passed by. His eyes! Look at his eyes! (Or, you know...don’t, if you enjoy maintaining possession of your immortal soul and all).
The only way I could look at him without getting totally spooked was by telling myself that he’s only making that face because Mrs. Claus is…entertaining him, if you know what I mean, and I think that you do. (Actually? Now that I think about it, that may be even MORE disturbing. Sigh…Back to square one.)
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9 comments:
That is EXACTLY the kind of thing that a 5 year old sees and has nightmares about for the rest of his life.
*shiver*
Actually, I'd say he looks like someone just walloped him in the groin with a sledgehammer...
He looks like he is about to be run over. His eyes! They are pointed in 2 different directions.
Haha, I second dea's comment. Maybe the elves have mutinied! Um, that's a word, right?
In addition to the scary expression and wonky eyes, his mustache is all messed up. Creepy.
I just noticed...if you look closely over Groin Punch Santa's right shoulder (our left), you see a sign advertising "Chanukah Bear - with candy" - which is funny because the last time I checked, the story of [the Jewish holiday of] Chanukah did not involve a bear (or any forest creatures for that matter).
"Honey, do your homework and be nice to your brother, and maybe, just maybe, the Chanukah Bear will pay you a visit this year."
Oh look, kids, it's Groin Punch Santa!
I meant to add - I love that.
I agree that the theory you somehow calmed yourself with is even more unsettling than the Santa himself. But hey, whatever gets you through the walk past that window.
Also, the guy on the right is nearly as frightening. I can almost hear him chanting, "One of us. One of us."
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