Lipgloss Recommendation? Check. Weird Story? Check. Discussion on Whale Vomit? Check. Yup, Sounds Like I’ve Got Myself a Post.

So, since you guys said that an occasional beauty product discussion would not make you fall dead asleep at your computers drooling, I must now take a moment to rave about a recent find. But first, for my male readers, here is something to keep you entertained while everyone else reads the next two paragraphs: Boobies. Anyway, my usual every day lipgloss is this pale sheer subtle pink one named Glaze. It is lovely, but since it is made by Chanel, it costs eleventy billion dollars. Okay fine, it costs $26. But that’s still a lot of money for glorified Vaseline, I think. As you can see by the attached picture, I’m running low, and while at Target recently (of course), I saw that Neutrogena makes lipgloss, as well. I bought what I thought was a pretty safe color (eerily enough, also called Glaze...The full name, actually, is MoistureShine Lip Soother.) Guys, it is SO pretty, and about a quarter of the price of my other go-to gloss. Plus, it gives you a slight Blistex/Carmex-esque tingle, which is cool if you’re into that (which I am). It is also a sheer pink, slightly deeper than the Chanel gloss, but I’ve told a few people (with diverse complexions) about it, and so far, it seems to be universally flattering. The only down side is that it is sweet, so I lick it off my lips all the damn time. But hey, it’s cheap, so I can just buy (and subsequently eat) more! Here are the two glosses:

Next up--We went to my in-laws this past weekend, and J decided that he wanted to pick up some flowers in the city for us to bring to his mom. He walked into a regular, nondescript florist and told the woman that he wanted her to arrange a bouquet. She then asked “How much are you looking to spend? $200? $150?” J said $40, which, in my experience, is a perfectly acceptable amount to spend on a bouquet. The florist stared at him momentarily, and then said the following (which we have since been paraphrasing and using at every opportunity): “I think that someone in your…situation… would do better to take a look at our small, pre-arranged bouquets.” (While I was not present for this exchange, I can only imagine that the phrase “pre-arranged bouquets” was uttered with the same inflection one might use for “overflowing toilet” or “diseased yak.”) Um, excuse me? “Situation?” J wasn’t wearing a tinfoil hat and trying to pay with Lucky Charms marshmallows. At least I don’t think he was… And finally, what you’ve all been waiting for…the whale vomit! While reading the New York Times today, I came across what is perhaps the best newspaper article ever written. Even the title is amazing: Please Let It Be Whale Vomit, Not Just Sea Junk The article is about some old lady who has what may or may not be ambergris, a very rare (and consequently costly) substance that is, essentially...whale vomit. Awesomely, her sister sent it to her saying she found it on the beach (50 years ago) and had no idea what the hell it was. If what she has is in fact the precious whale vomit, it could be worth $18,000. I’m certain you are all going to click on the link to the article, but if for some reason you do not, here are the glorious highlights: [Ms. Dorothy Ferreira] was soon summoned to show the thing at a town board meeting, after which a story in The Independent, a local newspaper, declared Ms. Ferreira the proud new owner of “heirloom whale barf.”

Larry Penny, 71, director of East Hampton’s natural resources department, said he had no way of making a definite determination, because “we don’t keep a certified whale-vomit expert on staff.”

[Mr. Penny said] “The older folks would always tell us, ‘Keep your eyes open for that whale vomit because it’ll pay your way through college.’ ” If this is not hilarious, I seriously don’t know what is.

Also, when did I become someone who posted about barf (human, and whale) on two occasions within the past 4 days? That's just weird. I just realized that each of the three topics I discussed has mentioned the price of something, so this post actually has a theme! Woot! Yes, perhaps lipgloss, snobby florists, and whale vomit really ARE more alike than we think.