A Long, Somewhat Meandering Tale about Vomit that Ultimately has a Happy Ending

Hi, internet. How was your day yesterday? Good! Oh, my day? Well, do you mean before or after I inadvertently sat in the barf? Sigh… This actually has a happy ending, but I think the most effective manner in which to convey what transpired is to simply show you the series of correspondence I was directed to write as a result of the event. Hmm...Upon rereading my initial email, it seems that I may come across as a weird and crazy old lady. This is not true. I am in fact quite young. I never would’ve thought to write this email, but my very smart co-worker told me that Metro-North is very customer service-oriented. And she is totally correct; they are! Here is my story, in complaint-email form: ************************************* To Whom It May Concern: I wanted to make you aware of a situation that transpired this morning. I boarded the 7:48 am Grand Central Terminal-bound Hudson Line Metro North Train at the [redacted] station. There was an empty "three seater" available, so I promptly sat down. A moment after I took my seat, a woman across the aisle took note of the fact that I was sitting there and immediately told me to get up. She explained that someone had apparently vomited all over the three seater that I was sitting in earlier this morning. This had clearly happened much earlier this morning, as the seat was dry, and didn't have a particularly overpowering stench from afar. Once I stood up, however, the back of my pants and coat were caked with the remnants of the vomit. I do not need to tell you about the smell. [Hee! What is wrong with me?! Why was that line necessary?] I of course find this repellent [thank you, entries in the computer thesaurus under the word “gross!”], but what I find particularly bothersome is that, as I mentioned, this had obviously happened much earlier this morning, and no one had cleaned it up, or at the very least, put up a sign. My coat must now be dry cleaned, and I was forced to buy a replacement for my filthy pants once I reached Grand Central. (Of course, I will also have to dry clean the pants.) I would therefore appreciate your prompt reply to this situation, including any potential for reimbursement for the expenses incurred by this event. [I totally hadn't thought to do this, but my brilliant work friend suggested it.] Thank you very much, [Metalia] Here was their response: Unsanitary Car Conditions Incident: 061214-000016 Dear Ms. [Metalia]: Thank you for your e-mail regarding the condition of the "three seater" on the 7:48AM train from [redacted] to Grand Central Terminal. Please accept our apologies for any unplesantness [sic] or discomfort as a result of the situation. Providing a comfortable, and environmentally safe ride on all trains is very important to Metro-North…The condition cited in your e-mail should certainly not be overlooked, and I have forwarded your e-mail to appropriate Operations Services managers for their review. Regarding reimbursement for any cleaning or other expenses related to this incident, you may contact our Claims Services Department at [redacted], and a representative will be more than happy to assist you.I trust taking these steps will be helpful to you. Sincerely, [redacted]

Senior Customer Relations Specialist

*********************************** So I called the Claims department, completely expecting a runaround, but guess what? They are totally refunding me the money for the skirt I bought to replace my vomit-caked pants, as well as my dry-cleaning bill for the pants and coat. Woot! But, I still must ask two questions: *The first, clearly, is: WHY did that have to happen in the first place? *The second, slightly less obvious, question: Why was I uncharacteristically practical/frugal at Banana Republic when I was buying the replacement clothes? I bought a skirt from the sale rack, and the whole time, I could’ve bought this. (A little much for work, but adorable all the same...particularly with the belt that I'm sure doesn't come with it.) Also…

Dear girl ahead of me in line with your hair in an obvious messy “morning after” bun: Bravo on not even attempting in the least to pretend that you didn’t just have a random one night stand. Here’s a list of her purchases: one pair of underwear, one sweater. That is all. (Lest you think I’m jumping to conclusions, her little bag from Rite Aid held deodorant and mouthwash.) Stand proud, girl! Have a great weekend!