You know, if you’d asked me this morning, “Metalia, do you think, at some point today, a hobo is going to single you out and somehow involve you in his list of conditions to comply with a police officer’s request?” I would’ve probably said “no.” But clearly, I would’ve been wrong.
After getting off the subway train this morning (4/5 represent!), I was walking down the platform towards the exit. I, along with a number of other people, noticed that the train wasn’t leaving the station. As I continued down the platform, I noticed a cop, seemingly talking to…the train? Huh. I went in for a closer look. He was not talking to the train, but in fact to a shoeless hobo, who was apparently riding between the train cars with a bag o’ crap at his side. The cop was directing him to get out of there, so the train could leave. The hobo repeatedly refused.
By now, a small crowd had gathered (which included me), to see how this played out. Shoeless hobo got comically belligerent, and began throwing demands out at the cop. Not the demands you’d think, like “shoes” or “a home,” but random things, like “a big-ass pan” and “sunglasses.”
The cop, now exasperated, and probably thinking of the train full of people anxious to get on their way, finally just said “Buddy, don’t make me pick you up; what can I do to get you out of there?!” The shoeless hobo, without missing a beat, lasered in on me with his crazy shoeless hobo gaze, and goes “I want to pet that lady’s coat!!” Oooookaaaayyyy…Please note; the coat that I had on is not particularly fluffy or um, pettable; it’s a regular suede coat. Yeah, this is why I’m not a shoeless hobo; I’ll just never understand their mysterious ways.
To the lady on the subway allegedly reading The Holy Bible; I have a few helpful observations/suggestions.
1) Hot pink pleather is an interesting selection as the material in which to cover your Holy Bible.
2) Perhaps it would’ve been more convincing if you had not written “Holly Bible -- by Jesus” on said pleather with a ballpoint pen. (I swear!)
3)And finally, after attracting the eye of a fellow commuter (i.e.., me) with your pink pleather covered Jesus bible, maybe you should have an actual Bible inside, and not what appears to be explicit erotic literature entitled Caramel Flava inside the bookcover.
My words, they fail me.