One for Me, Three for You

Okay, guys, I need some help. Yes, again. As Sephora has seen fit to tempt me by recently setting up shop directly across the street from my office (which, really, I should just have my paycheck routed directly there), my makeup ho tendencies have increased apace.

Yes, the past few months have been heady ones, filled with exhilarating discoveries, such as O-Glow, about which I seriously do not shut up. I’ve also become fast friends with one of the employees, who gives me many many free samples whenever I come by:

The latest goodies

I’ve learned some important lessons, too. For instance, I’ve come to the conclusion that, despite all the hype, Bare Escentuals makes me look like a pasty old crone. While I wiped the myriad powders off immediately after my application, the following is my artistic rendering of what it looked like: (I had a little too much fun with the airbrush feature of MS Paint; quick, someone get me a van to decorate, or at the very least, an old denim jacket upon which to hone my craft!)

My visits to Sephora also helped me to come up with my new matchmaking scheme, wherein I mentally fixed up Kimora Lee Simmons (whom I hate beyond all reason solely for her use of the words "fabulosity" and "fabulousness") and Donald Trump, given their mutual love of all things gold, sparkly, and rhinestone-y. (Oh, yes. Miss Simmons has her own makeup line, and the packaging is 493 different kinds of tacky.)

There is one very specific thing, however, which my time at Sephora has still not yielded. And really, it’s something I’ve been seeking for YEARS—the perfect nude-colored lip gloss. (While I recently found a good shade from Neutrogena, it has more of a chapstick consistency than a gloss.) At any rate, I’m desperate, and despite the fact that one girl’s perfect nude is another girl’s nasty coral grandma shade, I nonetheless open the floor to your suggestions for this elusive (to me, anyway) item. Each and every one that I've tried thus far makes me look like: (a) a corpse ; (b) a stripper; or (c) I’ve just eaten an entire crate of clementines. If it’s a particularly bad shade, it will make me look like an actual dead stripper (named Clementine, of course). So, I'm turning it over to you guys: Any recommendations for the perfect nude gloss? Not too pink , not too spackle-colored, just a pretty, nude color. (Drugstore, expensive, I do not care.)

Now, since I’m being all selfish and asking you all for a favor, here are a few things for you:

I had first stumbled upon this a few years ago, but –R-’s most excellent “post a picture of yourself at prom” challenge reminded me of the existence of this site. While not prom dresses per se, the site bills itself as “The Archive of the World’s Ugliest Bridesmaid Dresses.” And it is; it really is. Enjoy!

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I was food shopping the other day, and stumbled upon this delicious-looking treat. And by “delicious-looking treat,” I of course mean, “Oh my hell, who NAMED this?!” Feast your eyes on Diddles, the hot dog-flavored potato snack! (Side note: EW. That sounds like the worst snack flavor in the history of anything ever.):

Please check out the definition of diddle (most notably, the second one, the only one with which I was familiar). Then, please tell me who thought it would be a good idea to name a HOT DOG snack after a certain act, the definition of which the dictionary has chosen to classify as “vulgar slang.” Won’t someone think of the children?!

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Speaking of which, this last one is for my fellow moms, particularly those of you who have Bumbo seats for your babies. (Everyone else, go out to dinner, or a bar, or whatever it is people with lives are doing. )

Now, Toopweets is presently a nonstop blur of motion, and rarely sits in this seat anymore. Even when he does, his big sumo baby thighs make it difficult to get him in the seat, and once there, he makes repeated attempts to fling himself bodily out of it by arching his back and throwing his weight backwards. (Dearest makers of Bumbo: 3-18 months, my ass! Warmly, Metalia) There are, however, (thankfully rare) occasions where we need him to temporarily stay put and not crawl (backwards, as is his custom) or roll away to parts unknown. Enter this lovely snap-on tray made specifically for the Bumbo seat—It turns it into a quick portable high chair-type deal.

Awesome.

Thanks in advance for your nude gloss suggestions. :)