I guess their phrase is shorter.
The only thing that inevitably calmed me down was this picture in the catalog:
This poor child is not, as I initially thought, wearing a pair of PullUps on his head after a particularly rowdy playdate. No, the tot is wearing the classy and attractive Bumper Bonnet. Isn’t he stylin’? Each time I got to this page in the catalog, I’d chuckle inwardly, and stroke my burgeoning belly as this ridiculous product (and unintentionally hilarious picture) aided me in regaining my sense of perspective. “What kind of overprotective and crazy mother would buy this thing?” I’d wonder to myself each time I saw it, with the naiveté that only a first-time mom can possess.
Funny how a mere (almost) 12 months can change things.
My kid is constantly moving. Not a day goes by where he does not, on at least two or three occasions, bump himself in some way, despite our best efforts to prevent this. Sure, he keeps crawling/cruising on by, basically unfazed, but my guilt? It is copious.
I’m sure you can see where this is going…
…A part of me now secretly wants to buy the Bumper Bonnet.
I said secretly!
I'm normally a fairly logical person. I've made it this far, resisting the baby wipe warmer, laughing my ass off at the Dior baby bottle, and shaking my head at the musical pacifier, but this? I don’t know what it is, but somehow, it’s starting to make sense.
Save me from myself.
I have to go; T’s gotten himself wedged under the end tables again.*
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*I kid, I kid. Pretty please don’t call Child Services. He’s actually sleeping, securely (buckled into his ridiculously overpriced stroller, perhaps the one baby product trap to which I fell prey).
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18 comments:
You do not need the bumper bonnet...Please, restrain. When my son started sitting up on his own, he fell over backwards once and bopped his head so hard I thought there must be some damage. I called the oncall pediatrician, who somehow refrained from laughing at me, asked some questions to make sure the situation was as benign as he suspected, and we all went along our merry ways.
Your son will get some bumps and bruises...Wait until he turns two and three and gets scratched up knees and bruised shins just from having fun on the playground - He never mentions these injuries...They just appear.
Oh yeah, and that bop of the head...it was on carpet. :)
Why have I never seen that product before? Lordy knows I get enough useless baby catalogs in my mail box!
My friend once called the One Step Ahead catalog "Skymall for babies."
Oh, I should also mention that Bumper Bonnet tot is cruising some awfully handsome living room furniture.
But the Dior baby warmer is only $40! (I still can't tell what exactly that thing does!)
The kids...they get bumps. What 'cha gonna do??
I'm pretty sure if you make Toopweets wear that, he will not be too terribly particular when the time comes to choose a nursing home for you.
Metalia. Step AWAY from the catalog.
Put. the catalog. down.
Heh.
I. Heart. You.
Oh, and I grew up in a "country home," where child-proofing meant covering the outlets... MAYBE... and I think I'm a-okay.
Though I guess I should leave that up to popular vote!
Ha, I was actually thinking of that product today. Considered it for less than half a milisecond. The one I find far more interesting are the knee pads. Dont you feel so bad for Toops on the hardwood floors???
That is awesome. I have a glass coffee table which is just that-- a thick sheet of glass on a metal frame. It has been worrying me lately, and I have decided my solution will be to just wrap my coffee table corners in a combination of styrofoam and tape, and try to pass it off as modern art.
That bumper bonnet thing reminds me of that headgear contraption that those conjoined twins (Carl and Clarence?) who were joined at the head have to currently wear to keep their brains from falling out, or something. Not such a good reminder!
I too grew up in a home where the "childproofing" consisted of mom saying "stay out of there" when referring to the arsenal of chemicals stored beneath the kitchen sink.
Helmets, kneepads...
I think you may also need to get him goggles, a mouth guard and a baby-sized Hazmat suit, just in case.
Or, just wrap him in bubble wrap until he's 18.
;)
I think I really should get one of those... for me.
After a few too many cocktails on a typical playdate, I'm known to bump into a wall or two.
Don't give in to those marketing men.
Children have managed for millennia without 'bumper bonnets' :-)
Nathan is ALMOST THREE and could use one of those. He's super clumsy. Plus, I'd get to pee myself laughing at him :)
I think you'd pretty much be guaranteeing the kid a life time of bullying if you bought the bumper bonnet.
I think you should buy one in every color. That kid is stylin'!
Too funny. I was just visiting a married/mom friend of mine and *ahem* using her bathroom, browsing one of these catalogs you are referring to. I saw this very item and had to bring the catalog out w/ me to show her! We had a good laugh! And, no, she doesn't own one for either child...
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