A Meme

I "borrowed" this meme from Whiskeymarie. If you don’t read her already, you should start. I have to do a complicated coughing/throat clearing thing nearly every time I read her blog to (unsuccessfully) camouflage my giggling.

Anyway, I’m in a meme-type of mood due in no small part to my complete frustration with trying to fix the many problems and general wretchedness of all things relating to my stupid new blog. (I’m willing to pay someone at this point to just take over, and tell me what the problem is, because I? AM DONE. Any takers? SERIOUSLY. I will give you money and/or pie. Maybe even some money pie, if such a thing exists.) I’m mentally exhausted from my hours on the phone with tech support, and I have a sneaking suspicion that the people I’m talking to there don’t even know what a computer is. One "expert" said to me, in all seriousness, “So…tell me how this whole Wordpress dealio works.” Dealio? DEALIO?! Are you kidding me? Assface.

My weariness is such that despite the fact that I have a delightful tale about my old cleaning lady allegedly stealing underwear from a 90-year-old woman, I’m too drained to tell it adequately. And really, that’s a story that should pretty much tell itself, so that should give you a glimpse into my world right now. I can’t focus on composing anything substantive, but I can try to respond to simple questions. TRY. Hence the meme:

What were you doing 10 years ago?

Ten years ago, I was 16. I was conveniently keeping this notebook, which should tell you pretty much everything you need to know.

No? Not enough?

Fine:

* I fantasized that I would one day marry Leonardo DiCaprio, or at the very least meet him when he was in NY, whereupon he’d fall desperately in love with me.

* I wore tall brown suede Doc Marten boots almost every day.

* I had a classic high-school saga, complete with everything you’d expect (hours on the phone, a love triangle, a guitar song composed in my honor, many notes dissecting the situation passed back and forth with my crew). I laugh now, but at the time? It was SO SUPER IMPORTANT.

* I may or may not have done The Macarena.

* I loved Shakespeare.

* I was obsessed with Jerry Maguire, particularly the “you complete me” scene. Oy.

* I spent way too much time each night IM’ing my friends (with whom I’d just spent the entire day) in AOL chat rooms.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

I was taking care of a 5-day-old baby, hoping against hope that I would someday feel like a human being again, or at the very least, get a chance to brush my hair. (Whee! I did!)

Five snacks you enjoy:

1. Baby carrots dipped in hummus.

2. Avocado in any and all forms.

3. The worst stuff in the world for you; namely, Pringles, barbecue corn chips, nachos and cheese curls…because I’m healthy like that.

4. Those little mini cheese things, spread on Triscuits, or some sort of cheese cracker. With a side of cheese. Cheese cheese cheese. (Are you sensing a theme here?)

5. Cereal straight from the box (Preferably Golden Grahams, Puffins, and anything involving berries).

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:

1. “Baby Got Back” - Classy, and always appropriate!

2. “Gin and Juice” - To this day, I cannot hear someone say the words “80 degrees” without mentally adding the phrase “when I tell that bitch please.” It’s a serious problem. Aren’t I supposed to be a grown-up by now?

3. “California (All the Way)” – This is my favorite Luna song; it’s very catchy, but deceptive: I love that a breakup song has such a sweet, upbeat tune.

4. Pretty much the entire Rent soundtrack. What can I say? It was very popular during my late teens, and it's forever embedded in my memory.

5. “We Didn’t Start the Fire” -- Damn you, Billy Joel! DAMN YOU! I’ll have days where this song will lodge itself in my mind from the moment I get up, and I’ll spend much of my day like this:

Brush your teeth with Mentadent,
Make sure that that bill is sent,
Put on flip flops, grab your phone,
Joe DiMaggio!

Grab some coffee, change to heels,
Ooh, a two-for-one shoe deal…
No! Must focus, go to work,
Marilyn Monroe!

…and so forth.

It’s maddening.

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire:

I left this one out, because my answers were so clichéd that you would’ve rolled your eyes so far back in your respective heads that they might’ve gotten stuck. And I did not want to be responsible for that. Moving on:

Five bad habits:

1. Nail biting.

2. Throwing myself into tasks with gusto, and then quickly losing interest.

3. Cursing while driving.

4. Leaving my clothes draped artfully across the chair in our bedroom instead of putting them away.

5. Buying too many beauty products.

Five things you like doing:

1. Cooking/baking.

2. Hanging out with J & Toopweets.

3. Writing here and reading other blogs.

4. Reading (though if I’m being honest, I’ll acknowledge that this encompasses not only “good” books, but US Weekly, as well).

5. Buying too many beauty products. (Heh.)

Five things you would never wear again:

1. The aforementioned Doc Martens.

2. The yellow sparkly stocking that I used to think were the coolest things EVER. Did I have a matching scrunchee? Of course I did.

3. Anything from my early 90s grunge phase (e.g., baggy jeans, and large flannel shirts); I looked like I lived in a van down by the river.

4. The sweatshirt I used to have that had a picture of a computer on it. The sweatshirt had a little compartment for a battery that would then CAUSE THE WHOLE THING TO BLINK ALARMINGLY. I thought this was the coolest thing.

5. My black, long sleeved floor-length velvet dress. I loved it, but in retrospect, it made me look like the undead. There used to be this sketch on SNL called “Goth Talk”; I could have been an extra.

Hmm. I think there was one more category, but see #2 in my “bad habits” section, above.

Want to play along? I’m a lover, not a tagger, so if you want to do this, go right ahead.