This past week, our nanny was on vacation, and our car was in the shop (remember? The douchebag?). And so, lacking in the departments of both childcare and transportation, we headed back to New Jersey. Again. (Cue Welcome Back Kotter Music.)
I’m not complaining AT ALL, mind you; it just seems as if we end up there a lot. We are no match for the hypnotic lure of the Garden State. We stayed at my parents’ house, where, as it turns out, childcare and transportation are both in abundance.
A direct consequence of this turn of events was that after we put Toopweets to bed each night, my parents would say things like, “Oh, why don’t you kids go out to a movie or something?” And we’d hem and haw for exactly three seconds, whereupon J would casually make his move towards the door, and there would be a me-shaped hole in the wall as we headed out together into the night. Movies in theaters! Met games! Dinners at restaurants! We’d forgotten such things even existed, and were filled with childlike wonder. Thanks, Mom and Dad!
Speaking of all things childlike, my brothers both came home to visit my parents for the weekend. J, my younger brother and I were sitting around Saturday afternoon and talking, when my brother stood up from the enormous fluffy chair in which he’d been seated.
Bro: ..and so that’s why that happened. Callin’ fives! [Starts to walk out of the den.]
Me: Dude, that’s disgusting.
B: What?
M: You called “fives;” I’m assuming that’s an extreme version of saying you have to go number two? Like, you’re experiencing an urgent biological need of a crap-related nature?
B: EW. What’s wrong with you? Also, how old do you think I am that I’d feel the need to announce that?
J: Metalia, he’s making a good point.
M: Whatever. What the hell is calling fives?
B: [Shocked] You don’t know?
M: No.
B: [To J] You?
J: No.
B: Oh my God. If you say it when you leave a room, it reserves your seat for five minutes. I can’t believe you don’t know that.
J and I then looked at each other, completely dumbfounded by this idiocy. (I then promptly stole the chair.)
My youngest brother entered the room, and we pounced, quizzing him on the definition of calling fives, and, upon hearing his response (which was identical to my other brother’s), we felt REALLY, REALLY OLD.
People.
What the hell?
Have you ever heard of this before? Or are we, in fact, just really, really old?
Speaking of feeling really old...um, WHAT HAPPENED TO MY BABY? I was just looking at these pictures from the weekend and realized that he's a toddler. Oh, my God.
Oh! Also: If I said I had a recommendation for a (I hate this phrase, but I'm using it anyway because it's accurate) sinfully rich body cream, BUT the cream had a fragrance, would you still be interested? I'm always hesitant to recommend stuff that has a fragrance; it's so subjective.
Finally, I'll be guest posting over at Y's blog VERY SOON (at some point tomorrow, perhaps?); thanks again for your ideas!
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20 comments:
Toopweets is just way too freaking cute! The cheeks, the full head of hair, the priceless facial expressions. I seriously melt everytime you post a picture of him.
PS: How goes the wordpress blog?
Suck....I must have crossed over to the dark side too! No clue what "fives" was, but I have to say, in a junior high kinda way (meaning selfishly) I like it. I am not sure it would work on my husband, but in my family perhaps. Thanks for schooling us people born in the 70's. Pathetically enough, I was a middle school teacher, so you would think I would keep up with this crap...nope, not so much.
First, have never in my life heard of "calling fives."
Second, bring on the body cream recomendation.
And lastly, Toops is just too cute for words.
Callin' fives? The hell?
Man, I'm old.
As long as we're trading slang, did you know that "ratchet" is a street term for a gun? Thanks, jury duty!
And yes, I would like to hear about the sinfully rich body cream with fragrance.
I have never heard of calling "fives." I choose to believe that is not because I'm old, but because it is obscure. We used to say something, though, that meant roughly the same thing...what was it? (Okay, I AM old.) I think we'd just say "place back" or the like, which meant, of course, that when you returned you got your place back. We were obviously not hip with our lingo. ;)
I am seriously in love with Toopweets' hair. Probably because I am envious. In my family we don't have hair until we're about two.
Good lord; he's like a little MAN in that last photo! And I still look at pictures of you and can't believe you're old enough to be his mother.
As for calling fives, no, I have never heard that phrase. I think my sisters and I used some much more direct and less creative expression for that purpose... you know, like "Spot saved!" or something.
Fives? I think it can be found in the urban dictionary right after chillaxin'.
My dry, old lady skin is begging you to tell all about the body cream!
It is all that hair that throws me with T. He's got big-boy hair. Don't worry though, the delicious baby cheeks are still in full-effect!
I, too, would have thought he was announcing that he was going to drop a load.
And Toopweets? TOO CUTE.
I've never heard "calling fives," either.
Toopweets is going to be a lady killer!
Yes, please do recommend the lotion! I wants to hear.
Seriously, where is your baby? That is a toddler!! But a cute toddler!
(I wish my folks lived close by. Your week sounds good!)
I've never heard of "fives". We always said "place MY saved". Which actually isn't even a correct sentence. So we are equally odd.
Can't wait for the guest post!
I think your brothers invented the phrase "callin' fives." And now they are pretending like everyone knows what it means, but really, it is just them.
The Toops looks like he is wearing a Speedo in that swimming picture, but I am guessing it is just a swimming diaper? That would be awesome if you had a little baby male speedo though.
It's the hair. Robert Redford's mane is that thick and luxerious.
Toopweets reminds me of one of the kids from the SNL baby toupees commercial! Seriously, what a mane! He's adorable.
I think your brothers made up the callin' fives thing. I myself used more effective phrases, such as "Get the hell out of my seat" upon returning to the room. And telling someone not to take your seat pretty much guarantees that they will, doesn't it?
I agree with R. Your brothers made this up. All we ever said was, "take my spot and you die."
Followed with a really stern stare-down.
or what about "same seats" if you were all leaving the room together for five minutes. that one never worked.
Never in my life have I heard of "calling fives."
The Toops is just adorable as always.
And you are like a superstar with your guest appearance on Y's blog. VERY exciting.
Metalia Barbarino!
That reminds me. I was the proud owner of a Vinnie Barbarino doll. Yes, it was John Travolta with really big hair and wearing a fabulous jumpsuit.
Anyway, I have no idea what the "calling fives" comment was about either. Even reading your definition, I still don't get it. Probably the fact that I was old enough in the 70s to own a Vinnie Barbarino doll means that I am immune to all current lingo.
After Toopweet's next haircut, you need to market some TOOPees! (Please tell me I'm the first one to come up with that??)
I have never heard of calling fives. I guess that's what the kids are saying these days!
And YES I want to know about the body cream, scent or no scent. Bring it on!
um, never heard of it. I don't want to be old!!
OOOO, movies at night. What a freakin treat!!
My little one is making his way out of toddlerhood way too fast. sad!
I came over here after laughing my ass off at your guest post at Y's, and I have to say -- I have never heard of calling fives either.
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