Can't You See? I'm SICK!

Things I was NOT this past week:

• Dead
• On some sort of unannounced, extended blog-leave

Things I WAS this past week:

• Traveling
• Incredibly sick with some nasty virus-thing
• Celebrating Rosh Hashanah (A very happy new year to the rest of The Tribe!)

Suffice it to say that I am so very happy to be:

A) Back (though my trip included getting to spend a lovely, random night out with these lovely ladies);

B) feeling somewhat better from my mysterious bout with Hurlfest ‘07 (let’s ignore the fact that I am sitting here with a mug of mint tea and an HONEST-TO-GOD KNIT SHAWL, shall we?); and

C) fulfilling my Jewly obligations, so as to start the new year off right. (...Although my stint at the services lasted all of three minutes. Toopweets is in a delightful shrieking phase, you see, and I thought it wise to shield the rest of the synagogue-going populace from his unpredictable high-pitched screeches, the likes of which caused an old lady in ShopRite a few weeks ago to jump about 12 feet and invoke the name of Jesus, along with some very, very bad words. Not wanting to provoke a repeat performance in a synagogue, of all places, we decided to make a mercifully brief cameo at the very end. SOMEONE, ANYONE, TELL ME HOW TO KEEP HIM FROM SHRIEKING. I’LL BUY YOU SOMETHING PRETTY AND SHINY.)

Anyway, here I am, and I feel like I’m so behind in blog land. What have I missed? Fill me in! I have some random crap of my own to discuss, but I’m still sort of out of it on account of my virus and will blame EVERYthing on that until I’m 100% better (...much like Charlie on Party of Five in his “Can’t you see? I’m sick!” phase. Shut UP, I know I wasn’t the only person who watched that show!). Consequently, I’m bullet-pointing the hell out of this post, since I still feel all foggy-headed and a bit virus-y, and unable to focus on silly things like a cohesive theme and transitional phrases:

• I just bought a glorious dress. It's the cutest cut, a perfect fall color (deep purple), short without, y'know, giving it away, and the best part? It makes my…upper region look splendid. I can't figure out how, exactly, given that I wasn’t blessed in that arena, but man, oh man. I’m thinking I need to take a picture of myself in the dress to prove my point, yes? And perhaps that was over-sharing just a bit, but can’t you see? I’m sick! If you have a Banana Republic Outlet in your vicinity, go, and ask them for the magical purple dress with mysterious rack-boosting powahs. As they escort you quietly, but firmly, to the exit, do your best to find it.

• I took Toopweets for his 15-month checkup a few weeks ago, and received a rather steep bill from a lab for things which should have been covered. Rather than paying it and bitching about it to my husband, I decided to call and bitch directly to them. A novel concept, I know. Long story short: I'm now fairly certain that the medical billing industry just sends out statements to see if you'll pay them. I’m in a bit of a musical mood, so for the resolution of the bill in question, I will paraphrase Ms. Amy Winehouse, and tell you that they said I had to go pay Quest Labs, but I said no, no, no.

(And then they agreed, and removed the charge.)

Not having to pay $112 is, in my mind, like GETTING FREE MONEY. (You’re getting closer every day, adorable expensive flats that I lust after! You will be mine. Oh, yes, you will be mine.)

• You people are the best. Seriously. Not only did you make me feel infinitely better about my godawful karaoke performance, but you also seemed to enjoy my foray into the tale of the quiet mountain town of Moonlight Valley and its oftentimes seamy underbelly. Go figure. Needless to say, that cast of characters will definitely be making an encore sometime soon.

• While on the plane home from my trip, I was seated next to a man listening to his music at an extremely high volume. Now, the fact that I could hear his music over my own iPod as well as the din of the plane engine is no easy feat, so for that, my proverbial hat is off to him. What bothered me most of all, however, was the actual music that was drifting forth from his earbuds. For it was, in fact, my most hated song ever:

“Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time”

Putting aside the fact that it’s September, and no one, anywhere, should be simply having a wonderful Christmas time just yet…people, this song is my musical archnemesis. Let me put it into terms that, I hope, adequately convey my loathing. To me, this song is everything I hate, wrapped up in one synthesizer-driven package; walnuts, driving in NYC, when people walk into a bathroom with approximately fifty-four empty stalls, and take the unoccupied one next to you, eggplant, clowns, the word ''chocolaty'' (only when spelled thusly), Sting, raisins ruining an otherwise perfect dessert, and the distinctive scent known to me as eau de hobo.

And since I’m all foggy (Can’t you see? I’m sick! ) and have no better way to close this most rambling of posts…what’s your least favorite song? The one that causes your fists to clench up as you shudder and fantasize about destroying every copy of the song ever made?