There's Really No Excuse for This Type of Thing

I just came back from the dentist, and am quite numbed/drugged up. What the hell, teeth? Whatever happened to my perfect, “just 3 cavities!” dental history? Way to go, jerks. Suffice it to say that this fourth sucker was a doozy, requiring copious drugs and medieval dental torture devices. Not good times.

That is the only logical explanation for what you are about to read.

I was putting away a few of Toopweets’ toys, and, in my woozy, post-cavity state, noticed something… interesting about the little wooden people in his train set. There are eight in total.

Here are the first four. Nice, right? Wholesome, yes?

For the last time, we’re NOT the Village People, dammit…

….And here are the second four:

What up, bitches? You lookin’ at us?

These last four; don’t they just look… unsavory?

Ordinarily, I’d just chuckle, point out my observation to J, and move on with my life, but in my current condition, I began making up a plotline for these wooden characters, and their comings and goings in the quiet, pristine hamlet of…..

MOONLIGHT VALLEY!

This will probably not be quite so hilarious to me once the drugs wear off.

Nonetheless:

Welcome to Moonlight Valley! A wholesome, friendly town, the type of place where neighbors greet you by name, and horses roam freely in the street for some reason.

Why, here are some of our hardworking citizens standing in the town square! They are joyful!

Their joy is such that they spontaneously burst into dance in the meadow!

But not everyone is happy in Moonlight Valley. Some sleazy, disreputable folks make their home on the other side of the tracks. Their days are filled not with town square smiles and impulsive meadow frolicking, but booze, mischief and bad behavior.

Who are these characters? Meet Chad, Rick, Starla and Kitty:

As you can see, Chad enjoys snow cones, grooming his goatee, and, well…I wouldn’t leave him alone with your livestock, is all I’m saying.

He also pees on trees.

Rick does, too.

AND THEY DON’T CARE!

Starla is they type of person whose, um, activities often land her here.

Rick is dating Starla, and Chad is dating Kitty.

But what Chad doesn’t know…

Is that Kitty is cheating on him with Rick! In fact, he just took her to London!

Cheerio!

When Starla found out, she was livid, and beat up Kitty.

Catfight!

Starla then ran crying to Rick, who saw the error of his ways. He immediately broke things off with Kitty, and took Starla to a Rod Stewart concert...

...Where he asked Starla a very important question:

It was the perfect proposal. But things weren't perfect for long... To be continued! Someday! (But probably not.)