You see, my husband is in Vegas on a business trip (an oxymoron if ever there was one, no?), and I’M NOT THERE WITH HIM. I love Vegas, remember? And I hate when J has to travel.
First of all, I don’t sleep well when he’s not home. Sounds sweet, I know, but the reality of the situation is that my tossing and turning ultimately resulted in me totally oversleeping, and waking up just as my nanny was arriving. I greeted her, bleary-eyed, wild-haired and braless, and it is a true testament to her professionalism that she did not run shrieking from the apartment at the sight of me.
Another downside of J being away is that it completely brings out the crazy in me. With him gone, I get nervous in our apartment late at night (this situation certainly isn't helping any), and tend to do weird, nutbar things, like flinging back the shower curtain in one swift motion, to ensure that a crazy killer isn’t lurking in there. I perform a similar trick when hanging up my coat. Namely, sort of stabbing blindly into the coat closet with my hanger to presumably neutralize the aforementioned crazy killer. In my heart, I know it’s batshit insane, but that doesn’t stop me from doing it.
But you know, those aren't not even the WORST things I’ve done in his absence. No, that dubious honor is reserved for the downloading of melancholy songs too embarrassing to even divulge. I mean…God. One of the songs may or may not have been about a jet plane, and someone leaving on it.
Please save me from myself; I’m probably about two days away from singing show tunes in a muumuu.
(Also? The lady on the right is my new favorite person. Not only because she's so obviously elated about her muu muu, but also because she sort of looks like Bette Midler circa mid-80s, and, well, who better to sing show tunes with than her?)
(Good Lord. What's become of me? COME BACK, J!)
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15 comments:
Can I make a confession?
My Mom wears Muu-Muus.
I am NOT EVEN KIDDING. I am SO adopted.
Also.
I am like you when Matthew is away. Not sleeping. Hearing sounds that are not there. Carrying a weapon of mass destruction on my person.
A girl does what a girl has to do :)
and it also looks like bette midler only has one leg.
I'm the same way...when my husband is gone I somehow become completely unable to do anything for myself- can't figure out what to eat, stay up to all hours watching horrible TV. The rest of the time? Fully functional adult.
oh come on...you could totally make a muu-muu look hot!!
You're not alone. When my husband is out of town, I have been known to push doors open all the way until they hit the wall to make sure nobody is hiding behind them. Sometimes I've even gone through the whole house, making sure all doors are in acceptable open position ... and I may have done all this while carrying a steak knife. But only if I had been hearing creepy noises.
i've been known to put a pyramid of cans in front of the back door, shove a chest of drawers by the front door and crawl on the floor in the hopes someone isn't looking through my blinds late at night.
I used to get really nervous when my husband was gone at night - like hearing noises downstairs all the time and jumping out of my skin when the phone rang. Then we got a security system and I am totally relaxed. He wanted it mainly for when we travel and I thought it was kind of silly but I can't believe the security it gives me. Security system = security. See what I did there?
Oh my gosh. I thought I was the only crazy person. I am so glad to see I have so much company.
The shower curtain and coat closet thing are totally normal, if you ask me. But then, I check under my bed every night before I can get in it, so you might not actually want to ask me.
Also, that muu muu pic is some of your best work yet.
Y'know, I was actually looking for a muumuu lately but now that I am looking at these photos, i realize I can just cut a hole in my "not even for guests I don't like" sheets and wear that. Thanks Metalia!
Does anyone look good in a muu-muu? I'm sure they're, well, comfortable. At least as long as it's not windy. :)
When my husband is gone I challenge myself to close and lock the back door as quickly as possible when letting the dog out. I seem to think doing that as fast as possible will protect my children and me from the faceless person lurking in my backyard. I guess the dog just has to fend for herself...
I've flung open more shower curtains (and yes, stabbed racks of coats/clothes) in my lifetime than I care to admit. Even with clear shower curtains, I'll sneak up and peek to make sure the bad guy isn't curled up hiding in the bottom of the tub. I wish I were kidding!
I thought that having a dog would make me feel more secure when J (I have a J too!) leaves town (oddly, he's usually in Las Vegas), but the dog barks so much at things that are totally NOT dangerous, that I'm afraid she would completely befriend the psycho killer without even a peep. She's kind of evil like that.
Apparently, I'm the only one who kind of enjoys it when my husband is gone. Don't get me wrong- single parenting is hard work and we miss him, but I enjoy being on my own on occasion. Then again, I have an alarm, so that helps with freaky noises of the night.
My husbands travels all the time. Of course I don't blog about it. But yeah, it sucks.
Also, when one of my great aunts died...I inherited her muu muu's. I heart them. Alas, The King hates them. He does not understand fashion. (I guess I don't either.)
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