It seems that all I can write about lately is trivial things. Why is that? Is it possible that I'm starting to have a mild freakout about the fact that I'm due in a little over a month and am trying to distract myself? (Especially because--unlike the first time around--I really, really haven't done all that much in the way of preparation?) MAYBE.
Is it because I am getting bigger by the day....
...and have no energy to do anything more complex than devour obscene amounts of Trader Joe's Cheese Puffs, let alone attempt to write deep and/or cogent blog posts? POSSIBLY.
Whatever the cause, I see no reason to stop the trivialities tonight. And so, in honor of the season finale of America's Next Top Model, I bring you the following poem about my sad, sad love of the show. (If it seems familiar, it's because it was part of my guest post on Casey's blog a while back. See above, re: NO ENERGY TO THINK.)
The Models (In the style of “The Raven”)
Once upon a weeknight dreary,
While I pondered week and weary
After concluding that all of Wednesday night TV was a bore…
Suddenly there came a sound, of 20 girls jumping around,
Each one looking more and more like a tarted-up old whore.
“’Tis some commercial!” I muttered, “for some tarted-up old whores-
“Only this and nothing more.”
Ah, distinctly I remember, it was way back in September,
Before reruns had concluded and TV was good again.
Eagerly I hoped for my shows, because the reruns really did blow.
Wished for my shows to return, and end this dullness evermore.
Back I turned to watch the antics, of the girls, more and more frantic.
As they jumped around while crying, pictures in their hands.
Deep into the distance, peering, long they stood there, wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams, and hoisting up their cans.
Suddenly, as if from nowhere, a woman, with a weave in her hair,
Appeared before the girls and softly whispered “hush” to them.
Wearing a tunic with golden glitter, “Ty” selected her picks of the litter,
Thirteen girls to appear on a little show called ANTM.
Quoth the Tyra, “Keep it fierce.”
The year was ’03, there was nothing else on; I was quite hooked in short order.
Bald caps, swimsuits, catfights, and the occasional eating disorder.
I always laughed aloud at Tyra’s sanctimonious speeches.
As if she alone could stop the wrath of 13 rampaging bitches.
Quoth the Tyra, “Keep it fierce.”
Five years of the show have now passed by, and with them, memories,
Some good, some bad, some dumb (like the thing with the vandalized brownies).
But still I watch this ridiculous show; I can’t lie, there have been some tears.
‘Cuz though it’s dumb and laughably fake, you can’t deny that the girls? WERE FIERCE.
(FYI, my money's on Anya to win.)
_300.jpg)
20 comments:
Yes to Anya... strange pidgeon accent and all. Have you noticed that Noted Photographer Nigel Barker is a little too interested in her since her naked shoot? It makes me squirm a little each week.
LVGurl, yes! It appears that Noted Fashion Photographer Nigel Barker is a bit too interested in Anya ...I feel like he's into (at least) one girl each season.
I LOVE those TJ cheese puffs. Sincerely.
That is the best thing I've ever read.
Also, I heart Nigel.
(A) Anya was robbed
(B) If I had allowed pictures of myself during my pregnancies, that would have been in month 5, not 8. You're one of those skinny bitches, aren't you? :-)
p.s. Nigel is creepy, but hot enough to pull it off. LOVE HIM!!
Lady, some of your best stuff is the most trivial. It's not the content that matters most; it's the delivery. :-)
How farking cute are you?? And I love ANTM, too!
And juicy booty takes the cake. No fierce pun intended.
WHY IS THERE NOT A TRADER JOE'S IN CANADA?
Or Target, for that matter?
Like I said on Flickr, you look adorable :)
dude, i just read somewhere that whitney was a total shoo-in and that she used to be a size 4 and the producers asked her to gain 10-20lbs to be a 6-8. like the show was rigged, man.
of course I read this on a blog, but seriously?
I only watch ANTM sporadically. I'm not sure how I escaped addiction, but I'm not questioning it.
You may be the cutest pregnant woman EVER.
am i the only one happy that Whitney won?
I can't believe they gave it to Whitney! Not my pick.
That's you with a month to go? You are tiny! And adorable. Oh my gosh, go eat something.
That's some pretty good poetry! ;-)
I don't watch the show, but I read the recaps on FourFour... and I was kind of glad Whitney won. Anya and Fatima were so skinny... too skinny. And Anya's face scared me.
My oldest daughter sighs heavily every time Nigel is on screen. She lurves him.
Poetry is your bag, baby. You should do this at least once a month. Maybe every week?
I've never seen the show, but this was pretty sweet, madear.
I can totally see Tyra yelling NEVERMORE!!!!!! NEVERMORE!!!!!!
I was pulling for Anya. Oh well. But I was originally rooting for Katarblahblah. Boring? Yes. Beautiful? Uh-duh.
Deep, moving and hilarious. I laughed, I cried, I ate cheese puffs.
I almost fell over when Whitney won! Because yeah, I totally thought Anya, but I was so! excited. Except for the fact that I sort of thought all of them were lame this year, yes?
So, anyway, I yelled to Chris who was in the other room: "WHITNEY WON" and he was all "I don't know what you're talking about, but if it's America's Next Top Model, tell Tyra I think she's ugly, especially ON THE INSIDE."
I love my husband.
Whitney was definitely a shoo-in! Does "Noted Fashion Photographer" = lame? Nigel is just not that good. Anyway...
You look so great! I hope you are feeling well.
Oh my...I *LOVE* your ode to ANTM!
It was, dare I say, fierce? Absolutley entertaining. Your blog is fantastic. Congrats on soon to be new member of your family!
Post a Comment