Now, I sort of loathe her and everything she (and the rest of her crew) stands for, but as I watched the commercial—which involved her, Brody Jenner, their Awesome New Phones Which Double As Mirrors Through Which Brody Can See the Asses of Hot Chicas, and Lauren’s annoyance related thereto—I had but one thought:
“Man! Lauren’s liquid eyeliner looks AMAZING!”
As noted it was the middle of the night, but her eyes really DID look fantastic. Which explains why I resolved then and there to run out the very next day, purchase some liquid eyeliner, and learn how to use it.
Liquid eyeliner and I have a bit of a history. I’ve tried to use it in the past, but it is my Everest, my Achilles' heel, the ONE cosmetic product that I cannot learn how to use properly.
Needless to say, this frustrates me endlessly. It’s not so much that I NEED to master the skill of applying liquid eyeliner (it’s really unnecessary for the pediatrician’s office, Target, and the supermarket, the places where I spend most of my time lately), but more that I suck at it so completely that it’s embarrassing for a self-proclaimed beauty junkie like myself.
The last time I gave it a shot was a few years ago, so I figured it was time for another go. Perhaps, I reasoned, age had steadied my hand and granted me the wisdom necessary to perfect this skill.
I scoured a few websites for reviews, and settled on a suitable liquid liner. During my morning walk with Lo, we stopped at Rite-Aid to pick it up. Home we went, liner in tow, and I set out to conquer that elusive thin black line.
It did not go well AT ALL.
I did it once with a very cautious, light hand, and it smudged in so completely that it was totally invisible. I tried again, and this time I looked like an ancient Egyptian hooker.
At that point, I got frustrated, and made the next logical choice, which is, of course, to really pile on the eyeliner and see how much I could make myself look like Amy Winehouse.
Ta da!
Wait. Something is missing. But what? Hmmm....
There we go.
I would love to be able to say that after much trial and error, I figured it out, but the only lesson to be learned here is to close your bedroom door while playing Dress Up Like Amy Winehouse, lest your toddler son come home and sneak up on you in all your Winehouse-y glory, at which point you will likely scar him for life with your appearance.
You win again, liquid eyeliner.
C’mon, spill. What's your beauty-related Achilles heel?
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64 comments:
Oh my dear. BLUSH. I cannot do it. I always look like a little girl who got into my mommy's makeup.
I am so bad at fake eyelashes... I have wanted to use them so badly and FAIL everytime with eyelashes glued to my hands and face. awesome.
I'm just bad at eyeliner in general. I love the way it looks, but when I put it on, it looks like I just drew on my face with a crayon.
Mine is the application and use of highlighter eyeshadow on the brow-bone/under the browns. Like Carmindy always does on What Not To Wear. It just ends up looking WEIRD.
I have the same problem with liquid eye-liner. I see someone who looks amazing, I try it, and it turns into a massive fail. I've just started using an eyeliner pencil with dark shadows, and it actually looks good!
The secret to liquid eyeliner is never, ever put it on the bottom lashes. Top lashes only! And then go in afterwards with a wet Q-tip and clean up your line, if you put it on too thick.
BAHAHAHA
you're hilarious
sorry - i am no help with the liquid eyeliner. the only make up i wear is mascara. boooooooring!
I am no good with the liquid eyeliner either! I have kinda mastered the smokey eye though I don't use it enough to earn its keep. I can do the Carmindy eyebrow/inner eye highlight too BUT I think the thing I can't do is pull off a bare face, honestly. GAH!
Being a theater/opera chick, I had no choice but to learn the ins and outs of eyelashes,liner, blah, blah, blah.
My struggle?
Quashing my inner lazy enough to wear the damn stuff!
I struggle with most makeup! I've mostly figured out mascara, eyeshadow and lipstick, which is all I ever wear. I have really sensitive eyes, so I can never put eyeliner on, and probably never will. I always flinch and squint when getting near my eyes, so I figure it's just not worth it.
What about a pen?
http://tinyurl.com/6f2djj
(You look sexAY, by the way.)
I'm thoroughly impressed by your liquid eyeliner skills. If I attempted such a thing, I wouldn't look like Amy Winehouse so much as a drunk panda bear. (Also: dressing up like Amy Winehouse in your bedroom = insanely awesome.)
I'm thoroughly impressed by your liquid eyeliner skills. If I attempted such a thing, I wouldn't look like Amy Winehouse so much as a drunk panda bear. (Also: dressing up like Amy Winehouse in your bedroom = insanely awesome.)
The only thing I know how to do is liquid eyeliner! Anonymous was right about the top lid only, and use pencil under the bottom lashes. The wet q-tip is KEY.
Like Bethany my dream is to learn how to use eye shadow correctly. I gaze dreamily at Carmindy wondering how I can get myself on WNTW so she can teach me.
I fail at liquid liner as well. I wore it in high school during my goth years, but never in my real life. And now whenever I try to wear it I feel instantly like the 16 year me and end up washing it off.
I love that (nearly) everybody is taking your question so seriously and ignoring the fact that you dressed up like Amy Winehouse. That is a total riot.
I usually just skip eyeshadow all together because I can never apply it in a way that you can tell I'm even wearing any.
I can't do liquid eyeliner either. SO HARD.
i can't even use regular eyeliner....so consider yourself lucky...:)
Blush, oh my god, BLUSH! Any color I've ever chosen, and any technique I've ever tried to apply it with, has made me look like that 95-yr old greeter at WalMart. The how-to articles in magazines? I used to study them intently, thinking that maybe THIS way would be the way that worked. Nope. Not at ALL. Ever.
Lancome used to have an eyeliner in a pen. Maybe this is what Whoorl suggested, I'm too lazy to check the link.
but... close the eye you are working on, slightly pull lid up and then draw a line closet to your lash line. if your eyes are more rounded, make it thicker on the ends but DON'T WALK LIKE AN EGYPTIAN! whatever you do, don't put on the bottom lashes either!
and your montage? just beautiful!
Have they relaxed the rule about no liquor while nursing? Just wondering.
If I didn't like you enough already, this post sealed the deal.
Back when I wasn't laaaaaazy I used to wear liquid eyeliner every day. I only wore it on the top lid and always used the q-tip trick. I pretty much kept the q-tip industry in business! Q-tips and a lot of perseverance is all the advice I've got!
makeup. period.
I'm going to have to go with you and say liquid eyeliner, as well. Granted, I haven't tried that bad boy since high school, but last time I did, I ended up with a black eye. As in an eyeball flooded with black liquid, tar-like goo. Was not a good day for the ole cornea.
Everything relating to eye make-up hates me. Mascara always ends up on my cheeks (I have long eyelashes and the stuff ALWAYS transfers). I have never ever managed to make eyeliner look good. And shadow doesn't stand a fighting chance on my eyes. It fades before I leave the house no matter what I use for a primer or prep.
On the other hand I rock the lipstick and blush and my skin always looks awesome. Just my eyes are lame.
Blowouts with a round brush.
MY GOD, is that hard.
I always end up with a cramp, still-frizzy, wavy hair, and an intense hatred of my hair dryer.
I wear liquid eyeliner almost every day though... I've found it's easier to get a separate brush, with a longer handler... the applicators they come with are always too short for me.
And I wear it on the bottom. Just... very, very lightly... however, since reading all these comments against it I am starting to wonder if I look like a hooker without knowing it...
Eyeshadow. Contour this, smudge that, every book has a different stupid template, and, on me, it never, ever resembles anything in any book, magazine, video, whatever.
Have never seen the appeal of liquid liner. It's too harsh for me, and, depending on your level of smudginess, gel can be really defined or really...not. And so easy. Also puzzling to me were those girls who'd pull their eyelids until they were double the normal width, yanking and pulling at the most delicate skin on earth with grabby pencils.
--Shana
OH MY GAAAH. I love that you dressed up as Amy Winehouse. You did a great job!
I can't handle eye makeup! I've only learned one trick - lining the inner rims of the bottom of the eye with eyeliner. That is all.
The BEST liquid eyeliner I've found, which is also hard to mess up, is LORAC Front of the Line waterproof liner. They recommended it to me at Sephora and I'm addicted. I don't use anything else. I was always having issues with pencil eyeliners smudging and creating raccoon eyes on me by the end of the day but this stuff is great.
Nail polish. It gets EVERYWHERE. My fingernails are polish-free, to save from scaring people (since I talk with my hands).
Awesome! You crack me up! Thanks for the laugh. :)
Lipstick. I look horrific in it like an 80 year old woman on Miami Beach.
Also, I want to see Miss LC do that makeup herself. I am sure I could look stunning with a team also.
I share your inability to apply liquid eyeliner. You need to try gel - it's much easier! Bobbi Brown makes a good one. You get a nice defined line but it doesn't require the nuclear precision that liquid does. Plus, going out to buy it will make a nice outing for you and Lo anyway. :)
First off I disagree with your assessment. You rocked the shit out of that liner. Two, unless you end up looking like Alice Cooper I think you're doing ok. But, as a long-time liquid liner user the trick is using the applicator sideways...and a hearty supply of q-tips to clean up the "nice tries."
Self-tanner. OH self tanner, you tricky minx. You elude me every time.
OK, I must first say that I am loving, LOVING, your celebrity impersonations and this? Is fantastic. The fake cigarette really makes the picture for me.
Moving along to my beauty product Achilles' heel: it is most certainly eyeliner of any kind. I always end up looking like a hooker. Which, um, is not a great look for me, as it were.
uh, everything? i'm not so good at makeup but i hardly ever have reason to wear any, so i win.
Make-up in general. I don't really own any and I certainly don't know how to put in on. I a lucky if I can get lip gloss on right.
I hate make-up and never ever wear it. I may occasionally use a little mascara and even that--I so totally suck at.
I wear liquid on top only.. the bottom line can get vampy. I am always on the search for the perfect foundation...I have tried every kind imaginable...still not completely satisfied
Hooray for dress up!!
I worked for Origins back in 2002. We had to wear at least 5 products at a time. I came in one day and the manager said, "Amanda, people don't wear their eye liner like that anymore." Umm, there's another way? 1 quick'n dirty line across the lid, that's all I've got in me. Never even. Ugh.
First of all, let me just say, you have a wonderful blog and congrats on the new baby. She is darling.
For the eyeliner, I unfortunately, can not do the liquid. I do however use Almay Eyeliner, 16 hour and it really stays! Looks very close to liquid but easier to apply.
http://www.almay.com/Pg/Main/CatProdDet.aspx?catid=32&catnm=Eyes&subid=231&subnm=Eyeliner&prd=28568&osubnm=Liner
I haven't tried liquid eyeliner since high school - back then, i used the pen that someone else mentioned because i couldn't handle the little brush ones. Too hard. But i still wear pencil liner everyday and now i'm wondering how people wear eyeliner now (like amanda said) because i'm probably totally out of style. Eh.
I can't wear lipstick / lip gloss. Ever. I get it all over myself. I never realize how much i touch my face until i wear lipstick because it's always all over my hands and face and probably teeth. I am teh sexay.
Oh! Also - the q-tip trick? I use an eye makeup remover on the q-tip rather than water. It does a cleaner job. I use Clinique's Rinse Off Eye Makeup Solvent. It's clean and not oily (in the blue bottle).
Just an fyi.
Like Mandee, I had to crack up at the first several comments, which did not even *acknowledge* the Amy Winehouse impersonation. I was all, what? Was there a question? Because all I saw was AWESOMENESS.
But since there is, in fact, a question pending, I will respond that I fail at most, if not all, makeup. I wear mascara and lip gloss 99% of the time, and that's it. I suck at being girly.
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I have never even attempted liquid liner, so you're at least a step or two ahead of me.
Back to that commercial. I saw it at least five times before I realized the people in it were people I'm supposed to know. I had to read that on some web site somewhere. I've never seen The Hills. I trust I'm not missing much?
You look so cute as Amy!
As I have gotten older, I have also become really lazy with makeup and it becomes such a chore. I can say that eye shadow is the one thing I can't seem to get right. Blend and contour and mix..I just don't have the energy.
You've got a great chat going on here! It must be your personality and writing style, which is a joy to read.We look forward to featuring your blog in the future on our M80 mom blogs site. Anna
Liquid eyeliner I have conquered (I don't do the bottom of the eye, it just makes my eyes look tiny).
My achilles' heel? Blush. I look like an underage hooker in blush. And y'know I see a lot of blush nightmares out there so I think I'm not alone in this.
Jules Viernes? Seriously?
I love, love, love makeup...let's not talk about how much I have invested in MAC especially....but liquid eyeliner and I have never really been friends! I wear eyeliner everyday and master it wonderfully with a pencil. My friends swear by their liquid, but I just can't do it....I just can't. I have to face it. I will be sharpening eye pencils to the grave.... This is not a bad thing, it just bothers me that I can't get liquid on properly!! :)
I only put it on the top lid- if I put it on the bottom I just end up looking like a two-dollar hooker.
I think you have this year's Halloween costume...
Ha ha! You've out-Winehoused Amy Winehouse.That takes mad talent. I bow to you!
My beauty Achilles is MY HAIR. Oh my gawd...I can NEVER. GET. IT. RIGHT. Never.
That is really funny and I can relate. a lot. Although yours turned out way more coordinated then mine does.
I can't get past the fact that I was supposed to know that those two people in that commercial were famous and not just run of the mill bad commercial actors. I'm official OLD.
I suck so bad at make-up that I can screw up even foundation. It's bad. I can't even imagine what would happen if I got a hold of eyeliner or anything.
(Came over from Playgroups are No Place For Children and I'm loving it here!)
Foundation, it gets me every time. I try to go without and rely on bronzer, then, I dab some lip gloss on the apples of my cheeks to make me look "dewey."
Practice, practice, practice! Nobody gets it right out of the gate. We all looked like whores at first!
Your beehive is totally missing a vial of coke. Other than that, kudos on the Amy Winehouse impersonation.
I've never been able to wear red lipstick without looking like I should be hanging out on 42nd Street in the pre-Guiliani era.
I agree with some other gals here- only use the liquid liner on the top lid, and you want the use more of the side of the tip rather than the actual tip of the applicator. And you don't have to try and draw one line all the way across your lid! Try more of a connect the dots thing.
I think I have the makeup thing down, but hair is my issue. I cannot blow dry my hair to save my life. I had short hair for years and now that I'm growing it out I have to try and figure out the secret.
You can be Amy for Halloween now anyhow! :)
I use regular eyeliner and then put liquid just on the outer corners. Makes it soo much easier!!
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