“Did I really just almost leave with a burpcloth slung across my shoulder AND one side of my nursing bra undone? Fuck.”
“Okay, sartorial crises have been averted! On with the night!”
“Why are there so many teenagers at this Saturday night showing of a superhero mov--oh.”
“Okay, Metalia, these are teenagers. They are TEN TO FIFTEEN YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU. Do not fear them!”
“Is that 14-year-old boy really wearing that inappropriate t-shirt? [Please do not ask about the search terms used to find this tee online. Please.] Really? Okay, I now give myself permission to hate both him and whichever parent let him leave the house wearing it now.”
“Hmm. Blue Raspberry Slushee or White Cherry Slushee? White Cherry.”
“Wow. Standing in a line with loud teenage boys certainly is enlightening, in the sense that I want to lock up my daughter until she is thirty-four.”
“Ooh, they’re letting us into the theater!”
“I know we’re in
“Ooh, the movie’s starting!”
“There are wayyyy too many evil henchmen in assorted clown masks. Me and my crippling coulrophobia are so not okay with this.”
“Poor Heath Ledger. So incredibly talented. Such an unbelievable actor. So very--ooh, Christian Bale in a tight shirt.”
“Okay, um. Hmmm. I think...Yes, it appears that I have a crush on the Joker. I don’t even know what to do with that, so I’m just going to sit here quietly, eat these gummi worms and pretend like I didn’t just have that disturbing thought.”
“Is my…? YES, my ass is asleep. How long is this movie? Okay, time to furtively check the ol’ phone under the seat for info, and—OH MY GOD. Two-and-a-half hours? After 20 minutes of previews? Really? I'm wasting so much precious New Mom Sleeping Time! What have I done? Good Lord, WHAT HAVE I DONE?”
“When did Maggie Gyllenhaal start talking like Drew Barrymore? That ain’t right.”
“Okay, I shouldn’t have whined. The movie was engaging, the characters were intriguing, and—oh, what’s this? An extraneous subplot that has to be resolved? And it’s going to tack on an extra half hour? Fabulous!”
“Yaaaay! It’s over. I can’t wait to get home and back into my yoga pants.”
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25 comments:
So I hear your excitement about getting out and I thank you for the Christian Bale images, but don't you have another story to write.....?
I have to ask if you used ChaCha.com to check your phone for info, because I seriously got a question from someone in Long Island about how long the movie is, and... and then you posted this... and I'm clearly insane so, uh, ignore me!
Oh I am TOTALLY a fellow coulrophobe! Reasons why my husband is having to convince me that it's "just Heath Ledger, come on! And you can drool over Christian Bale the rest of the time" to get me to go to it with him this weekend :) And I actually went out on a date night with the hubby to a packed restaurant with a nursing pad stuck to my back. Neither of us managed to catch it, but kind cute guy sitting next to us did. Mortifying. So much for blending in and hoping I could escaped "mommyhood" for a night.
and yes, cute-guy actually took said nursing pad OFF my back and handed it to me. thank you kind sir.
Yep, that movie was about 45 minutes too long. Should have been two movies instead of one.
Didn't see any totally inappropriate t-shirts (what were those parents THINKING) but I did see several small children at a movie completely inappropriate for small children. Some parents are idiots.
It's highly unlikely I'll be seeing this in the theater anytime soon. You hear that Netflix! Get your shit together and have this movie BEFORE 2010!
and I agree about daughters dating boys. My girls are happily committed to a convent when they hit 16.
Moderation? Which one is that?
This is pretty much the story of me at every movie I've ever seen. I can't sit that long!
Mamma Mia. Totally worth it. Totally. Wine would only make it better.
Minus any blatant mommy things, this pretty much describes my most recent movie experience as well. Old. Oh well.
I have to say that I'm molto impressed you found that t-shirt from Googling. Of course you *do* realize, though, you've basically thrown down a Google challenge for weirdos like me.
Insatiable curiosity can be such a curse.
Aw crap. I've now found a matching ring.
I blame you.
There is a word for fear of clowns? The Internet teaches me something new every day.
I applaud your efforts to leave the home. I only saw a movie 3 weeks ago for the first time after the girls were born. That was 8 months ago.
Ditto for 9:15 on Friday night - minus the baby references. And my Fiance thought "oh cool they introduced another character and let us see some of what he can do awesome". I thought "I have to pee".
i'm disturbed by this idea that maggie could sound like drew barrymore. please say it's a big fat lie, metalia! please!?
Note to self: Stay away from Dark Night, movie theatres, and teenagers. Lesson learned.
THANK YOU. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, THANK YOU. Since I saw this movie (twice!) I've been trying to figure out who Maggie Gyllenhaal reminded me of...I kept thinking of people that LOOKED like her. Stupid me! She is Drew!! (Sorry for all of the exclamation points and caps---I'm just so excited that I don't have to lose anymore sleep over this topic.)
Now see, I would just wear my yoga pants TO the movies. I'm so classy like that.
And I don't even have children yet, so there's no excuse.
:) Becky
http://www.stinkylemsky.typepad.com/
I officially convince I am the only person in the US who has not seen The Dark Knight. Must fix that!
Okay, so the fact that you say "Sweet Moses" officially makes you my new favorite person. You have no idea.
And I'm in agreement on the Maggie/Drew thing. What is that about? Sheesh.
Heh. I shared a lot of these thoughts with you (although I thought the movie was awesome, did not see that gross t-shirt, and did not have an icee. Oh, and couldn't relate to the New Mom Sleeping Time.) But otherwise, TOTALLY THE SAME.
Man, I'm retarded.
I'm going to see it tonight-weeeee! Can't wait! Glad you didn't post things about how terrible it was and how Maggie Gyllenhaal was even worse than Katie Holmes in the last Batman (as if that could even happen) and how Christian Bale had suddenly lost his sex appeal and Heath Ledger is totally undeserving of a posthumous Oscar nod...buuuut, you didn't. So I can rest easy until I see it for myself tonight.
Teenagers totally bug me, too. And I'm but 25.
Mmm...
Oops. Sorry. I drifted off a bit there thinking about Christian VonYumYum.
And, what is this "moderation" you speak of? I see letters, but when you put them all together like that they make no sense at all to me.
Not to imply that directors today are indulgent pricks...why imply what you can flat out say? "Directorstodayareindulgentpricks."
Remember the good ol' days when movies were 2 hours or less?
Two other movies that afterwards I realized I would have rather been cleaning up baby vomit instead of wasting precious minutes of my life I can never get back:
Babel
There Will Be Blood
OMG! i won!!!!
really! i saw all these people visitng and was thinking..what the heck - visitors! i never get visitors!
YAY! i never win anything!!
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