RELAX, people. Not that kind; I’m all set for now, thanks. No, I’m referring to what happened after I saw this frightening picture on Slynnro’s Flickrstream. As I learned, if you submit a picture of you and your significant other to this scarily-named website, they generate a picture of what they think your kid will look like. Since I have two actual children already, I was curious as to how accurate their prediction would be. As it turns out, the site thinks that J and I will produce AN UNHOLY DEMON CHILD. I was initially confused as to why my fake baby was clad in a red ski cap and scarf, but now I understand that it's probably to conceal his "666" birthmark.
Avert your eyes, people! He may take on another form!
2. Marveling at my Good Fortune
I despise the layout and design of this blog. Coupled with that (and I know everyone says this) I NEVER WIN ANYTHING. Imagine my surprise, therefore, when I received an email from one of the designers at Ruby & Roja, informing me that I had won their free blog redesign contest! I have thus been spending A TON of time perusing their site, and gathering ideas for what I want this ugly duckling blog to look like when it gets its makeover to become a beautiful swan. I CAN’T WAIT!
3. Acting like an Adolescent
I saw the following clip on The Soup the other night, and was guffawing. That’s right, GUFFAWING. Because deep down, I’m a 13-year-old boy, and floppy, ill-conceived hot dog costumes will never NOT be funny to me.
4. Pretending I’m One of Those Crafty People
(By which I mean, a person who can MAKE things, not like…a sly, sneaky bastard.)
My desire to avoid packing was such that I actually spontaneously developed a hobby, went to the craft store for supplies, and spent the past few afternoons honing said hobby.
My new hobby is making barrettes.
You see, I can already tell that Lo is going to have a ton of hair, just like her big brother. And while plenty of places nearby sell darling barrettes, I cannot justify spending upwards of $8 on ONE TINY, PINT-SIZED BARRETTE THAT WILL LIKELY FALL OFF NO LATER THAN FIVE SECONDS AFTER IT’S CLIPPED ON, LOST FOREVER IN THE WILDS OF THE FOOD EMPORIUM. So I started making my own, and I have to say? They’re not too shabby. Suck it, expensive barrette sellers! I’M ON TO YOU!*
5. Taking Pictures of the Shit I SHOULD Be Packing!
Finally, I came to my senses (read: panicked) and started actually taking out the stuff we needed to pack. Since I was packing for both me and the kids, this took roughly forever. (J somehow got away with only packing for himself. I’d complain, but he will likely read this post soon, and realize that not only did I completely blow off packing for two straight days, but I also WROTE A POST ABOUT THE WAYS IN WHICH I DID SO.) Once I started, though, I noticed something.
My pile of crap…
PALES in comparison…
…to the INSANITY that is packing for two small children:
This is MADNESS!
If anyone needs me, I'll be doing my damndest to make order of this chaos...
...And, um, probably watching the dancing hot dog kid again. IT'S FUNNY, DAMMIT.
*Some people who saw my picture and discussion about this new hobby on Flickr have inquired if I'd be interested in selling barrettes to them. First of all, I'm FLATTERED (and shocked), but sure, I'll sell them. Email me (metaliablog[AT]gmail[DOT]com) for more info.