Um…This is not the LEAST Materialistic Post I’ve Ever Written…

Consider that fair warning.

So, as we all know, I like….stuff. I like makeup, and bags, and cute dresses, and I have no problem admitting that, since hopefully, I have other redeeming qualities to make up for my, shall we say, acquisitive side. Since I started writing for BeautyHacks (which, let’s face it, is basically my dream side job, if ever there was one), I realized I’ve written LESS about makeup, etc. here, since I feel like I should be saving all that stuff up for my posts. Well, seeing as I just posted something there this week, AND I already have my next post lined up, brace yourself for an ONSLAUGHT OF PRODUCT TALK, people.

As I mentioned a few days back, today is my 28^th birthday, and MAN, have I been spoiled by my family. J took me to my favorite restaurant last night, where I consumed vast quantities of bread, inhaled an exquisitely prepared steak, and was reunited with my love, the dirty martini. (I have missed you, friend.) I also had the dubious honor of devouring a chocolate fondue dessert entirely by myself. (I ask you, what kind of person doesn’t like chocolate fondue? There is fruit! And brownies! And cookies! TO DIP IN CHOCOLATE. Can you please explain to my husband that it is NOT NORMAL? As punishment, he now has to live with the knowledge that he’s married to a woman who can and will eat all of a dessert MEANT FOR TWO PEOPLE.)

I can’t be too upset with him, however, as we had a lovely night out, and I received an incredible gift from him for my birthday. Mind you, I JUST had a baby a few months ago, and received a beautiful piece of jewelry from him then, so I really wasn’t expecting anything at all. Perhaps a nice card, and a barrel of cheese balls from Costco, and I would have been content. Seriously.

Well.

He went ahead and got me My Dream Coat, the Burberry toggle duffel coat. I have lusted after this item—which, to me, is like the Platonic ideal of a coat—for lo these many years now, and now it is mine. Classic, guaranteed to be in style FOREVER, and perfect for NY winters.

Isn’t it cute?

Oh, wait. That was the self-timer picture I took before I realized that perhaps the dirty martinis had gotten to me, and it would be best if I involved J in my photo shoot. While totally blurry, this WILL be the cover of my forthcoming debut album. Doesn’t it just have that look? No? HUMOR ME, THEN:

Anyway, J happily obliged:

Ah, much better. Even though I am munching on a strand of (apparently delicious) hair, you get the idea.

As if that wasn’t enough, I also received from my in-laws this beautiful Marc Jacobs black leather clutch from Saks.

Lovely on its own, and also a classic item, BUT WAIT! THERE’S MORE! Said bag was filled with INCREDIBLE MAKEUP. It's called the "Polished Face Kit."

Clockwise from left: Chanel Sublimage cream, Yves Saint Laurent Touch Blush in Number 2 (heh), Dior 5-Color Eyeshadow Compact in Tender Chic, Nars The Multiple in Copacabana, Giorgio Armani Gloss in Number 16, and Guerlain Le 2 Two-Brush Mascara in black.

I haven’t tried everything yet, but so far I am obsessed with the mascara, which has a regular side and a small brush side for corners and lower lashes…

….as well as the blush, which is really natural-looking and a cinch to apply. I’m completely aware of the fact that this isn’t cheap, in the technical sense, but when you consider the price of each of those products on their own, as well as the cost of a Marc Jacobs bag, the whole thing is a (RELATIVE) bargain, and I would be trying very hard to justify its purchase, had it not been given to me as a birthday gift.

AND THEN!

T gave me this lovely drawing.

I think he thinks of birthdays as tangible, edible THINGS, as evidenced by the quote on the bottom. uhH Interesting.

AND THEN!

I got my Birthday Bag from my parents. The Birthday Bag is a grand tradition in my family. When it's your birthday, in addition to your “real” gift, you receive a bag filled with trinkets, and your favorite cheesy/guilty pleasures. It’s like our version of a Christmas stocking. (Or what I imagine a Christmas stocking might be like, seeing as I have no actual experience with them. Am I on target? Even a little bit?) The Birthday Bag started back when I was dating J, and brought him up to the lake house. (His birthday is August 25, so we’re up there for his birthday every year.) However, it being his first summer with us, at the time, my mom had no idea that it WAS his birthday (my bad!) and—seeing as she and I were in Walmart at the time—out of desperation, she began madly scrambling to throw together a bag of stuff he might like to give to him as a birthday gift. It was a huge hit, and thus, the Birthday Bag was born. We’ve been doing it for everyone in the family ever since. Here are the contents of my Birthday Bag:

Some items of note include the NY Times trivia book I’ve been wanting, TWILIGHT CHOCOLATE (Well played, Godiva), some incredibly shitty literature (yay!), and the 30-Day Shred . Now, I wanted the 30 Day Shred because people were raving about it on Twitter, and I don't want to lose weight, I just want everything to be a bit…tighter. Yet as I stood there last night, holding the DVD box, I had one immediate thought. And it wasn’t “Wow, I haven’t exercised in a bajillion years! Hold me!” or “Where does one purchase a free weight?” or even “Yowza, that Jillian Michaels has a good body.” All those thoughts came later. No, my thought was simple. It was, “WHO THE HELL GREEN LIT THIS SHOT AS THE COVER PICTURE?” Because Jillian has that unmistakable look. You know the one:

The look like she’s been to the Joey Tribbiani school of “smell the fart” acting (thanks, Not Perfect!). I mean, seriously. Am I supposed to trust this woman now?

Anyway, it’s been a WONDERFUL birthday so far, and so as to mitigate the abject consumerism and fart references that pepper this post, I’ll close with this: My twenty-seventh year was incredible. J and I had our second child, I excelled in my career, I spent lots of time with good friends, and I laughed. A lot. I honestly couldn’t have asked for a better year. I mean, the only thing that could've used some improvement was totally my doing, and it's the fact that I think I need to be more proactive about certain things. I feel truly blessed in so many areas of my life and if 28 is even HALF as amazing as 27 was, I will be a lucky, lucky girl.