Anyway, I'm using this self-alloted 10 minute break to share with you a few things that have totally made my week, in terms of LAUGH-OUT-LOUD HILARITY:
First up, this article, sent to me by my friend Darren. It has the real word for Manly Parts in the title, so perhaps don't read it at work; however, the title alone ("Woman Tricked Into S*x by P*nis Cream Treatment") pretty much tells you all you need to know. And in case you're curious, the article indicates that the woman appears to be of sound mind, and happens to be A TEACHER.
Next, this picture, which my brother took at college and sent to me. Because he knows I appreciate these things.
I keep looking at it and snickering to myself, because I keep wondering, just how bad does the Vomit Problem have to be for the custodian to go to his computer, make a sign, LAMINATE it, and post it by the sinks? And by writing "these sinks", there appears to be an implication that there are other sinks more suitable for vomiting, no? And why am I thinking about this so much?
Finally, I just had the following conversation with my mother:
Me: [After listening to a story in which she overextended herself.] Mom, you're really too nice to everyone.
Her: Oh, no, I'm not. (For in addition to truly being the nicest person ever, she doesn't even REALIZE how incredibly nice she is.)
Me: You totally are. You have to say no to people every once in a while, and just focus on you!
Her: Oh, you're crazy. Hold on, I just need to go change over the laundry.
M: Wait, wasn't [Cleaning Woman] just over?
Her: Yeah.
Me: She didn't do the laundry?
Her: No, she never does.
Me: But whenever I came to visit with the kids this summer, she was always doing laundry. Like, nonstop. And lugging huge sacks of rice to her car. What's up with that?
Her: Oh. Well, yeah. That was her laundry. And I bought her the rice.
Me: Uh, what?
Her: Well, her washer's broken, so...she's been doing it here.
Me: But she doesn't do yours and dad's laundry.
Her: No.
Me: So she comes here, and you pay her by the hour, during which time she DOES HER OWN LAUNDRY BUT NOT YOURS? And you keep buying her incredibly huge sacks of rice?
Her: [sheepishly] Yeah.
Me: MOMMMMMMMMM.
Seriously, is she not the sweetest person? But what am I going to do with her? And it's not like they've had great success with cleaning ladies before; need I remind you of the Panty Bandit? (Mom? If you're reading, I know you'll never tell her to stop doing her laundry at the house, but for the love of cheese, MAKE HER DO YOUR LAUNDRY, TOO. AND STOP BUYING HER BATTLESHIP-SIZED SACKS OF RICE.)
Annnd....my ten minutes are up. Before I could even talk about our Rosh Hashanah and my purchase of the world's worst razors. Oh, well.
T and Lo wish you all the loveliest of weekends!
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21 comments:
I can't comment on anything else because that baby costume segment is CREEPY.
Aww, your mom is the nicest person in the world, it sounds like. And I cannot say enough how adorable Toops and Lo are.
I didn't tell you about the vomit sinks? Of course we have vomit sinks. What upstanding state university doesn't? They're right next to the designated "deuce" urinals and the PermaClog toilets. As for the fun facts on the wall... All I can say is that I know Sarah and she is NOT a good time.
Were these razors Bic Soleil? Because I nearly hemmoraghed last night after shaving my legs with BIC SOLEIL razors.
Hmmph! Last time I try to match the color of my razor to my shower curtain.
Ahhhh! Rhi, YES! Worst razors EVER!
Those baby costumes are the creepiest thing I've ever seen.
My favorite part of the p*nis cream story is that at some point she discussed it with her own doctor and he was like, "um, that doesn't sound right, but I would like to consult with the other doctor before I commit to anything." Poor stupid woman.
The world needs more laminated signs in bathrooms.
When I was in college our dorm had signs every where scolding the boys for using the girls' bathroom. In their defense there were urinals in the girls' bathroom. Oh, and girls.
I'm too lazy to click on the video. Can I just say that I want to SMOOSH YOUR BABIES?
Too adorable for words.
I love Metalia's Ma! What a cutie!
I just had to stop and send the "cream" article to everyone I know. As a teacher, I am embarrassed that this woman actually shares my profession. And as for those baby costumes: what the hell? I love how Martha was like "Oh, this baby loves her apple pie costume." Um, I think that baby has passed out because the weight of that costume is compromising her lung capacity!
the cuteness of your children is killing me!
Happy Rosh Hashanah, Metalia Family! Hope that the chocolate mousse turned out ok. I, too, was struck by a domestic lightning flash & handwashed all my handwash only sweaters, just in time for fall weather, hooray!
i would very much enjoy it if said mother could adopt me...since, um, you know what mine's like ;)
Your Mom's cleaning lady has it MADE! Rice and free laundry? Score.
One time I was at a bar with my friend, two years ago when we were almost 30, and she puked in the sink. And clogged the damn thing up. When there was a perfectly good trash can AND TOILET right next to her.
Clearly, she needed one of those signs.
He laminated the sign.
LAMINATED IT!
haha.
You make pretty babies. :-)
I was thinking the same thing about the vomit sign- like, where are the specially-designated vomit receptacles? Do the vomit sinks have better drains?
That reminds me of when I worked at a sorority back in the day- the housemom was complaining one day about how much they had to spend on plumbers because of all of the "pukers in the house". You had to be there, but hearing a 62 year-old woman say this was hilarious.
OMG. Your mom IS the nicest person in the world. WOW.
I do have to say, I have a major problem with someone washing my granny panties.
random but, saw your twitter about a red dress.
did you happen to buy the short sleeve with chiffon trim dress and rosette from j.crew?
mine arrived yesterday and i'm thinking i should have gotten the slate...am now figuring out ways to un-PTO it. i liked it better on the model. ;)
just because someone works for you doesn't mean you have to treat them poorly. A smile and clean laundry go a long way. by the way, I am not the nicest person. Wait until you hear what I really want to say to you about this blog oooops post! mom
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