Dignity? What dignity? Or "Outtakes from December '08"

I hope your Christmas/Chanukah/vacation was lovely. Mine was great. I got tons of time with my family, both immediate and extended, received an embarrassingly large assortment of great gifts, saw Slumdog Millionaire, which I believe to be the best movie of the year, and I got to go shopping yesterday with the lovely Torrie (WHO HAS THE WORLD'S MOST PERFECT EYEBROWS AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET TO TELL HERRRRR) and Heather B., who I still love, despite her newfound penchant for vlogging and videotaping me looking surly and talking about my plans to make my $20 Gap Outlet boots look...like they didn't cost $20.

This was Lo's first Chanukah, and T's first Chanukah that he truly remembers, so we got a little picture-happy these past few days. I mean, look at us! Aren't we the picture of holiday warmth and familial bliss?

I also took T with me to the office the day before Christmas and snapped this shot, which I cannot stop staring at. He's losing his round pudgy baby look, and getting more angular, somehow. He's turning into a little boy. It's thrilling and sort of makes me get a little throat-clenchy and weepy at the same time.

Before you worry about this becoming a barf-inducing Hallmarkfest o' Pictures, I have a few...shall we say, outtakes.

First up is J, looking as if he just came from Daddy's First Mugshot. J! Where's your Myspace page?

Then, there is my son. A few days ago, I put him down for a nap, and realized that either: (a) he was way too quiet (and Toddler Quiet, as you well know, is never a good thing); or (b) he had fallen asleep almost preternaturally quickly. As I entered his room, I realized the answer was actually (c) all of the above, AKA, HOLY FUCKING SHIT THE BOY HAS PULLED DOWN HIS BOX OF CREAMS, LOTIONS AND SPRAYS, AND, WEARING ONLY A DIAPER AND A T-SHIRT, HAS SLATHERED HIMSELF FROM FACE TO FEET IN VASELINE, BALMEX AND GOD KNOWS WHAT ELSE, PROMPTLY FALLING ASLEEP SANS PANTS OMG.

Shortly thereafter, J, in an apparent attempt to get me back for the super awesome picture I shot of him, began sneakily taking a series of equally super awesome photos of me. I call this one...The Angela Chase, and yes, I swear this was totally unintentional, as I didn't even notice J taking the picture. I'm probably smack in the middle of making my Mom Face in order to get T to stop break dancing so dangerously close to the BURNING FIREPLACE. (As you can tell by the face, I was undoubtedly a pleasure to deal with from the ages of 12-17.)

The next shot is my personal favorite, by which I mean, "picture that sort of makes me want to cry, for never before have I noticed a striking resemblance between myself and Jack Nicholson frozen in the snow maze at the end of The Shining, but that's the Beauty and Wonder of Photography for you [sobs]."

[Still sobbing.]

And then there's Lo. Because really, you're never too young for a bad hair day:

"Help meeee! Brush my baby hairrrr!"

And while we're on the subject of her, I was glancing through my archives and realized I have written NOT ONE post about her since she's been born (except for her birth story). I mean, my God. That's just mean of me, especially considering what an amazing kid she is. So let me tell you a little bit about her:

It goes without saying that I love T to bits, and honestly, my connection with him is...deeper at this point than it is with Lo. I would think most parents with a toddler and an infant probably feel the same way, at first. Your new baby is adorable and lovable, of course, but you and your toddler have history, you know? And while T wasn't a "hard" baby, I can honestly say that Lo is...I don't want to say easier than he was, but--oh, hell. Fine, I'll say it. SHE IS EASIER THAN HE WAS. Whereas J and I would basically have to convince T to go to sleep as an infant, pacing the living room with him at 2 a.m., Lo just...falls asleep on her own. She's never upset unless she's exhausted or teething. T cried often, and got easily frustrated as a newborn, but I'm finding Lo to be perpetually smiling and one of those mythical happy-go-lucky babies. As T got older, he became the sunnily-dispositioned, inquisitive kid he is today, but man, those first few months were rough, especially in comparison to our experience with Lo. I'm sure the fact that she's a second child has something to do with it, but all the same, J and I keep shaking our heads at our dumb luck. (Knock on wood! Knock! On! Wood!) Plus, I never got to do this to T:

Come on. Her turnout is AMAZING, no? (After all, she IS the best goddamn dancer in the American Ballet Academy.)

Laying my neuroses bare, or “What I did at 3:27 am last night”

I consider myself a pretty rational person. Perhaps it has something to do with my obsessive list-making, my slow-to-anger temperament (except in NYC traffic), my balanced Libra nature, or any combination of the three, but generally, I think I’m pretty much on an even keel.

And then came last night.

I am so, so embarrassed to even recount what happened, because, well, in the light of day (um, evening), I SEEMS AN INSANE PERSON. (Love Actually, anyone?)

Anyway, our night began quietly enough. We lit the menorah...

…and T and I commenced cleaning up the 8,932,875 toys that seem to miraculously spawn every time my back is turned. After each and every toy was back in its place, I placed a very sleepy Lo in her empty crib (THIS WILL BE IMPORTANT LATER ON), and tucked T into his bed (where, by the way, he has been sleeping in pretty much the most awesome positions ever)...

...and bid him goodnight.

J and I went on with our evening, and turned in around 11.

At 3:27 a.m., I was roused from The Deepest Sleep Ever by my husband shaking me awake. “What IS that?” J mumbled sleepily. I heard it, too: It was the unmistakable shrill, cloying sound of one of Lo’s toys. I cocked (heh) my ear, and quickly deduced that it was the magical rolling ball, aka, Toy Most Likely to Induce Seizures And/Or Cardiac Events, What With All the Zip!Zip!Zip! Noises, Shrieky Singing, Flashing Lights and Rolling of its Own Volition, Sans Human Hands. I told J as much, only somehow, it came out like “Isss herrollingball. The noisy one. G’nightzzzzzzzzz.” Somehow, he was not satisfied with this response, and asked me where said ball was located, so that he could turn it off. I sort of woke up, and told him it was on T’s armchair in the living room, as that was precisely where I recalled putting it when we were cleaning up.

As he stumbled out of bed to shut it off, I reflected upon how weird and creepy it was that the toy had apparently turned on by itself in the middle of the night.

And that’s when Weird and Creepy gave me the finger, laughed in my face and said, “Sister, you ain’t seen SHIT yet.”

J returned with a stricken look, and told me it wasn’t there. “What do you mean it’s not there?” I asked him. He repeated himself, and the irritating music kept playing, as I began involuntarily shivering. “Metalia! COME HERE!” he stage whispered. I followed his voice to the kids’ room, and together, we found the ball.

IT WAS IN LO’S CRIB. TINY, SIX-MONTH-OLD LO WHO CANNOT, TO MY KNOWLEDGE, CRAWL OUT OF HER CRIB TO RETRIEVE AND ACTIVATE HER TOYS, AND RETURN TO HER CRIB, TOY IN TOW.

Oh, and T was passed out COLD under his blankets.

In the light of day, I’m sure what happened was this: T woke up and unbeknownst to us, wandered into the living room. While there, he decided to give his baby sister her favorite toy, and crawled back into his bed.

That, however, was NOT what I thought last night. No, what I thought then was that our home was haunted by malevolent baby demons. Then I realized that was ridiculous, and instead came to the more obvious conclusion: A deranged murderer, perhaps a clown of some sort, had broken into our (NINTH FLOOR) apartment. He was a clever evil clown, you see, and instead of simply murdering us, he decided he would toy with us (BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT EVIL, MURDEROUS CLOWNS DO, DON’T YOU SEE?) and send us a little message, just to let us know that he COULD murder us. His method, of course, was to take one of my kids’ toys, turn it on, and place it in the crib, knowing full well that we would awaken from the sound, and just when we were scared out of our minds and all trapped in the room together, he would pounce. Murderingly. (And while I know that isn’t technically a word, I certainly felt like it should be, particularly at 3:30 am.)

PEOPLE, I REALLY THOUGHT THIS.

We shut off the loud-ass ball, and returned it to the living room. We returned to bed; J immediately fell back asleep, and I lay awake FOR THE NEXT HOUR AND A HALF.

I sat on my bed in the fetal position with one eye on the door, and another suspiciously eyeing the video monitor for a telltale glimpse of the evil clown murderer inching towards my kids. If I had a third eye, it would have been staring enviously (yet witheringly) at my blissfully sleeping husband.

“We have to move!” I kept thinking. “This place is either haunted or easily accessed by Potential Clown Murderers!”

Thankfully, I came to my senses this morning, and realized that I was being, you know, crazy. But tell me, people: Wouldn’t this have creeped you right the hell out?

An open letter to Payless Shoe Source

Dear Payless Shoe Source:

OH, REALLY.

You think you’re hot shit, don’t you, Payless?

How else to explain the fact that you are attempting to charge $75 for FAUX SUEDE PIRATE BOOTS?

What gives, Payless? Have you been dating above your class, or something? Did you have a fling with a Louboutin and think that’s your world now? Because I have news for you, Payless: IT’S NOT.

I’ve always been your biggest proponent, Payless. Ever since that cold blustery day when I was on my way to work, and the rain was basically falling horizontally, and I, not wanting to ruin my pricey flats, stepped in out of the cold into your warm, pleather and vinyl-scented embrace. Yes, you were the only shoe store open at that time of the morning, but still. I gave you a chance. I bought a pair of cheap shoes that, to my surprise, were among my most-complimented heels. They wormed their way into my wardrobe rotation…AND MY HEART. Even when popular opinion branded you cheap, crappy and generally the footwear equivalent of Bad Idea Jeans, I championed your wares. Sure, one runs the risk of losing a heel in a sewer grate while wearing them, or perhaps tearing an ankle strap in public, but I found all of that to be part of the excitement! I never knew WHAT was going to happen, but if something DID go awry, I was only out $25, tops, and I had a story, to boot! (Heh. Boot.)

Which brings me to today, Payless. I’ll admit, you're not generally the first place I look for boots (or the last), for that matter, but I was online, and one click led to another. I was curious. After all, I reasoned, you’d just brought the most perfect pair of black t-strap heels into my life…

So perhaps you’d also have some cheap-ass booties for me? I’m admittedly not sold on The Whole Booties Thing, you see, and have a hard time envisioning myself wearing them without looking like an extra in Little House on the Prairie. Of course, I figured that you, Payless, would have the perfect pair for me to test-drive this latest trend without committing to it completely, by which I mean, “shelling out a ludicrous amount of cash, only to openly weep about the stupidity of the purchase in six month’s time, much like I did after the Great Jellies Resurgence of ‘95.”

I clicked through a few pages of boots, when one pair stopped me cold, and my jaw dropped. The boots were knee-high, faux suede, and would not look unbefitting on Captain Hook. It was not the appearance of the boots, however, that elicited such a reaction, but rather the price. Though they were presently on sale for $49.99, apparently, at some point in the recent past, they were SEVENTY FIVE DOLLARS.

Payless. PAYLESS. Come on now. You’re the cheap, plastic shoe place. NOTHING MORE. And yes, I’m aware that Pat Field of Sex and the City fame slapped her name on designed these bad boys, but that does not make this okay. We all have aspirations, Payless. Hell, I’d love to be on any number of competitive dance shows. But I know in my heart (and my unlying, uncoordinated hips) that it is not to be. And likewise, Payless, you too should take a step back, just for a moment, and remember your roots: The roots of delightful bargain pleather footwear, and not freaky faux suede boots (described as “supple,” no less) costing nearly as much as a pair of flats from J. Crew.

Get it together, Payless.

With warm wishes for the holiday season,

Metalia

Wii have a Wiinner!

Sorry, I couldn’t resist that title.

Anyway--my GOD you guys. I must admit, when I decided to select the winner of the Wii & Wii Fit contest by picking my five favorites, I figured it would be a cinch. I WAS WRONG. So many of your comments made me laugh to the point that I snorted various beverages onto not one, not two, but three separate computers, and some of your stories about why you needed one actually made me cry. I had the obligatory “I WANT TO GIVE ONE TO EVERYBODY WHO ENTERED!” moment, and after my eyes started going blurry from reading the comments on the screen, I printed out the comments (all NINETY-SEVEN PAGES OF THEM. Sorry, Earth!), and began sorting them out utilizing an intricate coding system of arcane symbols, dog-eared pages, and assorted colored markers.

As I’m sure you can imagine, the decision was not an easy one. I have a hard time deciding which flavor of Melba toast to buy, so perhaps, in retrospect, attempting to whittle nearly 200 comments down to the top five was not a position for which I was well suited. That said, I took my job very, very seriously. In sum, I have spent nearly three (3) hours reading and assessing the comments, two (2) hours in total discussing them with J, and 45 minutes on a conference call with both J and my little brother analyzing our final selections. Although my brother MeeMee is still annoyed that I excluded his fiancée, R, from participating in the contest (as the rules prohibit family from entering, and I already consider her my sister-in-law), he cannot deny that we have precisely the same sense of humor (genetics at work!) so I truly needed his impartial input. (Which he offerred, after I buttered him up by showing him the best site ever, www.fuckyoupenguin.blogspot.com, so he’d forgive me for not allowing R to enter the contest.)

While the final decisions ultimately rested with me, the guidance of both J and MeeMee was invaluable, and in many instances, we were unanimous. I was, however, unable to narrow down the last two choices for the final five, so instead, I leave you with…THE FINAL SIX!

Gina G. – Gina and her roommate totally impressed me by a creating a short stop motion animation to make their case for why they need the Wii and Wii Fit. Check it out here: http://g.homes.mcad.edu/~ggiampaolo/wii.mov

Rosie – Rosie clearly reads this blog enough to know that pop culture is one of my obsessions. Her rationale for why she deserved the Wii and Wii Fit referenced, among other things, Flashdance, Olivia Newton John, Dieter Sprocket and Amy Winehouse, and did so seamlessly, and to great comedic effect.

Gabrielle- Gabrielle regaled us all with a hilariously-crafted tale of needing a Wii and Wii Fit because, after being abandoned by her boyfriend with his only-Russian-speaking grandmother for an extended period of time, he added insult to injury after returning and (in the process of trying to compliment her body) telling her how much he loved her soft fat rolls.

Demicmic/Michele- Michele survived a battle with breast cancer, which left her unable to get pregnant. She and her husband adopted a little girl and a little boy from Kazakhstan. Her daughter, Abby, has anxiety issues, and her son Sam was developmentally delayed. She says that the Wii and Wii Fit would help the kids with certain of their issues, helping them in a fun way and would be great for them to play together during their “family game night.”

Nancy- Nancy reworked the Beatles song, “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” to be “I Wanna Hold a Wii.” With such lyrics as “Yeah you’ve got that something/That will tone my thighs,” she had us all giggling. She says she needs the Wii because diabetes runs in her family, she lost 65 lbs. in the past year, and is stuck trying to lose the last 20 pounds.

Amy S. – Amy S.’s entry was one of the sweetest things I read. She admitted that she has plenty of time to work out, but her very best friend (a new mom who cannot afford to join a gym), does not. Amy indicated that if she won, she’d give the Wii and Wii Fit to her friend so she could “work out, stay fit, and encourage her daughter into a healthy lifestyle.”

So there you have it—your final six. Want to know who won?

Before I share that with you, know this: I truly appreciate the generosity of Nintendo in sponsoring this incredible giveaway, and you all for sharing your stories. Each and every entry was carefully considered, and I hope you enjoyed playing along. Although I didn’t reach 200 comments by midnight of the contest deadline (and thus, no $25 Barnes and Noble gift card to first runner-up…don’t worry, I’ll do another contest soon and give it away then!) I did just want to make a small gesture on my part, both in recognition for you all taking the time to enter, as well as the time of year and current financial climate. In the winner’s honor, I’ll be donating $25 to the Food Bank of New York City.

Now, on with the video:

Wii have a Wiinner! from metalia on Vimeo.

(I AM TALKING ON VIDEO OH MY GOD MY VOICE IS MAKING MY EARS BLEEEEED.)

(No, I do not know why I’m making Claw Hands each time I fold up an entry for the comically large hat, either.)

(Also, yes, I very much needed to stage the opening like an infomercial, for reasons that are unclear even to me.)

HEARTY CONGRATULATIONS TO THE WINNER! I have your email address, so I’ll be in touch with you shortly!

Where I Stand

As a matter of course, I do not generally discuss serious topics or the dreaded "blogging about blogging" here (KILL MEEEEE!), but circumstances of late compel me to do so now.

I started this blog for one simple reason: I was bored on maternity leave with T. That's it. I always loved to write, and was a literature major. In the past, if something funny would transpire on my way to work, I would basically turn it into a play in eight acts which I'd then email to my friends. While on maternity leave, I had just discovered the existence of blogs. It was just me and T, all day every day, and while I loved spending time with my bebe, none of my other local friends had kids yet, and I felt like I was slowly losing myself. Once I began reading blogs in earnest, I felt as though I’d discovered a whole world of hilarious/heartrending all-around incredible writing, and I thought to myself, "You know? I miss writing. I think I can do this, too."

My blog sort of sucked at first, but I found my groove; it got better, and I gained readers. I built friendships. I got to express myself—as sappy as it sounds--and my little blog that only my mom and husband read at first gained steam.

While I had no delusions or grand aspirations of making this blog The Next Big Thing, I did (and do) work hard to make my blog as good as it can be. Yes, I post infrequently, but that’s solely because I only post when I feel that I have something to say. I truly envy the people who have the fortitude to post quality writing daily, but that's just not me. Regardless, I never publish any post without spending significant time refining it and ensuring I convey my point (be it a treatise on my being a working mom, or my poetic ode to Road House) without ensuring that I've written it to the best of my (limited) abilities.

The point of all this is to clarify something very important: That statement regarding the time and effort I spend on posts extends to any and all reviews or endorsements that I choose to do here and on my review blog. I feel it is imperative to convey this because somehow, a number of people are under the impression that reviewing products (and running ads) on your blog makes you a "sellout". Unbeknownst to me--at least until recently-- the image of the mommyblogger (and I fucking hate that word) standing there with greedy hands out, mindlessly grasping for freebies and cash is apparently and unfortunately out there, and while I cannot and would not presume to speak for a group, I will do whatever small part I can to eradicate that by sharing with you my own policies related thereto.

As my blog has grown, I've been approached more and more frequently by companies/publishers wanting me to review products. I can unequivocally tell you that I say no far more often than I say yes. When I say yes, it’s not because I know in advance that I can give a favorable review about the product, but rather, that it's something I need/want/am interested in knowing more about. I work full time, have a husband and two small children. The majority of my time is devoted to my family and my job. This blog is a hobby, and a fun one at that. Why on earth would I waste MY precious free writing time and the time of a company taking something I know I don't need or want for the sake of having a "control group" of reviews, or some such shit? Or taking something I've used in the past and dislike? Isn't THAT problematic and disingenuous? Isn't my time far better spent accepting items from a company whose products I stand a chance of liking? And isn’t my time far better spent crafting posts about things I’ve enjoyed? To those who believe that acceptance of a product tacitly guarantees a favorable review, I direct you to my most recent post on my review blog. I don't bullshit just because I get something for free. That post is a prime example of an honest review. It contains positive points, yes, but it also contains detailed descriptions of issues and problems I had with the site that I was reviewing. It was done in a respectful, courteous manner, though, and I’m therefore satisfied with both the review and my personal integrity.

Furthermore, I stand behind everything I post, in terms of content, as well as quality. I have never and will never post a review or recommendation written in what I believe to be, for me, a subpar fashion, all but saying, “ProductXwassosuperterrificcanIpleasehavemymoneynowthanks.”I worry over each sentence in a review post in precisely the same way that I do a standard blog post. They’re my words, and I don’t want to look bad. And in the interest of full disclosure, I also always ensure that reviews are clearly marked as such, and convey whether or not I was paid and/or received free product in exchange for my post. The bottom line is that I will always write honest reviews. It is the prerogative of the company whether or not they choose to use them.

As for running ads on my blog, I don’t feel that I’ve compromised myself or given up a piece of my blog to have them. For instance, it’s clear that I occasionally curse on this blog. Certain advertisers won’t run ad campaigns on blogs that use expletives. Does that mean fewer ad revenue dollars for me here and there? Certainly. But I’m not going to censor myself over that. Say what you will about me, but I like getting a check every month from my ads. It affords me the opportunity to BUY EXTRANEOUS SHIT THAT I WANT. And I have absolutely no problem admitting that.

Blogs are by definition personal, so as I indicated above, I’m speaking only for myself here. I know that when we leave our blogs open to the public, we subject ourselves to judgment and scrutiny. To that end, I felt compelled to share with you my own experience and policies about products, reviews, and ads. To the extent that someone still thinks that people like me are sellouts or whores for free products and money, by mere virtue of the fact that we do reviews or have ads on our sites, so be it. But once I realized that impression existed out there AT ALL, I felt compelled to do what I could to clarify where I personally stand on this matter.

Baby v. New Toy: The Four Stages

Stage 1: SUSPICION!

Stage 2: CASUAL APPRAISAL!

Stage 3: FEIGNED INDIFFERENCE!

Stage 4: UNBRIDLED GLEE!

Hey, I don't make the rules. This is like, Baby Law. It's ironclad, people.

The Easiest, Most Fun Party I've Ever Hosted

I’ve long held a fascination with Tyra Banks, ever since those early days when she burned up the screen as Will’s love interest on Fresh Prince. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t one cut the bottom off of a shirt and wear it with baggy jeans to mimic her totally dope and (dare I say it?) fresh style. Perhaps things would’ve worked out better had it been a fitted shirt, and not, I don’t know, A HIDEOUS, OUTSIZE NEON SHIRT THAT I GOT FROM A LOCAL RADIO STATION’S PRIZE VAN (95.5 WPLJ represent!), but that’s neither here nor there. The point is, I loved Tyra.

It goes without saying, therefore, that I adore America’s Next Top Model as well as her talk show. It’s like she can’t be crazy ENOUGH for my taste. Whenever she passes that line of total insanity (which, let's be honest, is often), I just bounce in my chair, clap my hands and go, “more, Tyra, MORE!” whilst manically giggling. I mean, come on. Oprah is great and all, but is she ever going to don a fat suit (and a CROCHETED SHAWL, for some unknown reason) and go on a blind date while wearing said fat suit? I DON’T THINK SO. Is Oprah going to go “undercover” as a homeless woman (with video cameras trailing her to lend that air of hardcore street authenticity)? NUH UH. Is she going to invade the personal space of her lady guests, by which I mean, “grab their boobs”? NOPE. But you know who will? Tyra. TYRA WILL DO ALL THIS AND MORE, and god, do I ever love her for it.

My very favorite thing that Tyra has ever done, though, was her illustrious Vaseline giveaway.

Tyra Banks Goes Insane - Watch more Entertainment

For someone who has loved Tyra as long as I have, this video is pure magic. Whenever I watch it, I wonder: will my day ever come? The day when I can live out my dream to emulate her in some way?

This past Sunday, I finally got my long-awaited opportunity. But…I’m getting ahead of myself.

As you know, I was recently selected by Nintendo to become a Brand Enthusiast for the Wii Fit. (Have you entered my contest to win a free Wii and Wii Fit yet? No? GO!*) To kick off my year of…brand enthusiasm, Nintendo threw a Wii Fit party at my place for a few local friends. I honestly had no idea what to expect, and set about doing The Nervous Cleaning (J was so happy!) until the ladies from Nintendo arrived. Once they did, they took charge. I was all, "can I do something? Anything?" And they were all, "No! Just relax and enjoy your party!" so I did. They began setting up TVs, Wiis and Wii Fits, and plating delicious food, sangria (mmmm...) and smoothies for everyone.

My friends began arriving shortly thereafter, and we kicked things off.

I tried a few of the balance tests, and learned that my Wii Fit age is 38. THIRTY-EIGHT, PEOPLE. THAT IS ONE WHOLE SURLY PRE-ADOLESCENT OLDER THAN I (AT 28) AM.

I also learned that my balance? It's...not the best:

The Nintendo girls had set up three stations around my living room, so everyone had the opportunity to try out the games and exercises the Wii Fit has to offer. Which, by the way, are highly addictive. My friends really got into it, and the lovely ladies from Nintendo couldn't have been more helpful or enthusiastic, even when they needed to teach me important lessons, such as "do not jump on the balance board when you're playing the tightrope game. Or, you know, ever."

Just when it seemed that things couldn't get any better, they did. Because at long last, my Tyra moment arrived: Everyone at the party GOT A FREE WII FIT. (Which, I'm sorry, Tyra, IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN BEJEWELED VASELINE TUBS.) Were they excited? You be the judge:

Sure, I wasn't TECHNICALLY the one giving away the Wii Fits, but still, I was involved, by which I mean, "Nintendo's awesome display of generosity took place in my living room." (Details, details!)

Everyone had a fabulous time, I got to vicariously live out my Tyra Banks giveaway fantasy (AND keep the leftover sangria), and all the girls left with Wii Fits; a win-win-win situation, if ever there was one.

Thanks so much to Nintendo and Brand About Town for organizing such a great night!

---------------------

*You have until next Monday, 12/15 at 11:59 PM to enter the contest. I'm LOVING the entries so far, and I know that J and I are going to have our work cut out for us when it comes to picking the top five comments. Currently, there are 114 comments. If we make it to 200, I'm kicking in a prize of my own to the first runner-up. Details to follow!

UPDATED: The Great Wii & Wii Fit Contest (wheee!)

As most of you know, I'm a New Yorker, and thus by nature exceedingly jaded. This is not to say that I'm a negative person, but rather, that it takes a lot to shock me. Crazy lady on the subway doing a one-woman rendition of Romeo and Juliet? Seen it. Guy in studded leather chaps roaming down the streets of lower Manhattan? YAWN. And so I'm here to tell you that when Nintendo recently contacted me and asked me if I'd like to become a "Brand Enthusiast" for the Wii Fit, I suddenly morphed into...well, a participant on Extreme Home Makeover, basically. You know how they start getting weepy, fanning their faces, praising various deities, and all that? THAT WAS ME. You see, becoming a Nintendo Brand Enthusiast is awesome for many reasons. For one thing, I get to spend a year learning about their various products, including the Wii and Wii Fit. (And the DS Lite! Which appeared in my mailbox --along with some games--from the generous folks at Nintendo like a magical surprise! Which it was!) For another, Nintendo will be throwing a Wii Fit party at my apartment for me and some friends very soon (more on that shortly). AND ...I also get to give away a Wii andWii Fit on this here blog. And just in time for the holidays!

I know.

I KNOW.

I can tell you firsthand that the Wii is fabulous; we've had one since the summer, and are hopelessly obsessed. We (NERD ALERT!) often talk about our Saturday night plans to go bowling and play tennis...when in fact we are actually talking about Wii bowling and Wii tennis. (What do you want, people? We are geriatrics trapped in the bodies of people in their late twenties.) I'm not even going to get into what I actually mean when I suggest to J that we go for a drive (cough, EXTREME MARIO KART WII RACING, cough).

Here are our Wii Miis; it's uncanny, right?

In addition, I just started working out again (by which I mean "for the first time since college"), and am thrilled that I'm going to get some time learning how to work the Wii Fit into my routine (by which I mean "one day a week that I actually exercise"). I'm exceedingly uncoordinated (shocking, considering that I'm a former gymnast), and thus live in fear of the balance board...



...but I'm excited to give it a shot all the same.

So, I know what you're all thinking: "Metalia, when do we see videos of you falling off the balance board? And perhaps MARGINALLY more pressing, how do I win this Prize of Awesomeness?" Easy peasy:

• To enter, leave a comment on this post between now and December 15, 2008 at 11:59 pm E.S.T.

• But wait! I'm going to make you work a little for this awesome prize. Your comment must tell me: How would you work the Wii and Wii Fit into your life? (How would it move you? What would you use it for? In short, WHY YOU?) Feel free to be creative with your responses; while a comment addressing the question is perfect, poems, links to videos and/or illustrations would be great, too(but are in no way a prerequisite).

• After the comments are closed on Monday, December 15th, J and I (aka, King and Queen of Wiiville) will sit down and read through each and every comment, and select what we believe to be the top five comments. Our criteria will include, but not be limited to: originality, pertinence to the contest question, humor (where applicable), and all-around awesomeness. We will take this responsibility very seriously. Perhaps almost as seriously as we take our Mario Kart races.

• We will then place the top five comments in a comically large hat, and select a winner at random.

• The winner will be announced on or before Friday, December 19, 2008. (I wanted to do this before Chrismahannukwanzaakah time, yo!)

Important: PLEASE LEAVE A VALID EMAIL ADDRESS IN YOUR COMMENT SO I CAN CONTACT YOU IF YOU WIN!

The Fine Print

The prize is one Wii and Wii Fit with balance board.

The contest is only open to US residents (sorry, my Canadian lovelies!) The prize cannot be given to a relative AND I INCLUDE MY FUTURE SISTER-IN-LAW IN THIS CATEGORY, NEWLY-ENGAGED LITTLE BROTHER!

Nintendo will be handling the fulfillment of the prize, so the winner must be willing to provide his/her real name, address and phone number. And winner, I solemnly promise not to stalk you. Or steal your identity, and flee to a tropical island, where I will drink fruity, rum-intensive drinks on your dime. Swearsies!

The prize will be shipped within two weeks of Nintendo receiving the winner's contact info.

Yes, I think it's safe to say that this is by far the most awesome thing that I have ever given away here (no offense, lip gloss!); I'm so excited about this contest, and CAN'T WAIT to read your responses.

Good luck, everyone!

UPDATE: I indicated that if the comments reached 200, I would kick in a prize of my own. The prize is a $25 gift certificate to Barnes & Noble to the first runner-up. There is also another "prize" that I'm kicking in, which will be revealed later on in the week, after we choose the finalists and pick a winner. (Ooh! I am shrouded in MYSTERY.)

Also? Damn you people. Your entries are awesome, and you're making it REALLY, REALLY HARD for us to narrow down the finalists.

For Shana, the Karaoke Queen

The following post is in honor of Shana. I am aware that I am a veritable fountain of puffy-heart rainbow love for my fellow bloggers lately, but you know what? In place of this post, I could be telling you about all about my run-in with some very questionable turkey. IN EXCRUCIATING DETAIL. As my family can tell you, I have not shut up about the havoc wreaked on my person by said turkey since the event in question transpired, so you will read my post for my dear friend and consider yourselves lucky.

Where was I? Oh, yes. Shana. Shana will soon be having her third kid, and I was asked to write a post as part of a virtual baby shower celebrating the impending arrival of her newest little one. While I can’t remember exactly when or how I first found her blog, I can say for certain that our mutual love of karaoke was something over which we bonded quite quickly. I mean, how many other people have their very own karaoke machines? (Besides us, I mean.)

I often say of the friends I’ve met through my blog that I wished they lived closer. And while I state this with utmost sincerity each time, I mean it when it comes to Shana for a very specific reason. Namely, because I know without a doubt that if I ever got the urge to perform a heartfelt and dramatic-hand-gesture-intensive rendition of “Careless Whisper” to a throng of drunken businessmen, tourists and NYU frat boys at this shady-ass karaoke bar in Chinatown, not only would she agree that this was a good decision, but also step up to perform backup harmony. Friends like these are IMPORTANT, people.

Sadly, Shana and I only met once, and didn’t have the opportunity at that time to show the world what would clearly have been a karaoke duet for the ages. And so today, at her virtual baby shower, I humbly offer her the virtual “gift” of my own past karaoke performances. Had logistics like distance not precluded us from having an actual shower, I would have performed the song of her choice at the blessed event:

Turn Around, Bright Eyes from metalia on Vimeo.



I sincerely hope the ensuing laughter does not put her into early labor.

Embarrassing video performances aside, Shana is one of the sweetest and funniest people I’ve had the privilege of getting to know since I began blogging. Unbeknownst to her, her wit and candor about parenthood definitely put me at ease when I began sort of mildly freaking out about going from one child to two. There is no doubt in my mind that she will continue to be the most kickass mom (and karaoke superstar) around once this kid makes his/her appearance.

Congratulations to you, Shana, and we can’t wait to meet the newest little one!

The following people are also participating in Shana's virtual baby shower today; check their posts out, as well: 180/360 Carissa Alphababy LVGurl Kris Little Miss Mel Angella Neil Rhi Sizzle Walking Punchline Whiskeymarie Whoorl