And yes! I'm bringing my eerily-similar-to-E.T.-finger with me!
(Seriously, what is up with that thing?)
(Why have I never noticed its freakiness before?)
(Whatever, it's not like I wanted to HEAL POTTED PLANTS WITH IT, or anything, I just had to cover up my name and address.)
And oh, yes, people. I'm a BRONX COUNTY Juror. Don't mess with me, bitches. I'ma cutchu.
There's a part of me that's all, "I saw the The Runaway Jury! This could be the trial of the century! Illegal jury consultants could've been tracking me for months, learning everything there is to know about me! They, via their numerous high-tech, possibly illegal listening devices, know I'm writing this right now! I AM SUPER IMPORTANT TO THIS TRIAL. Just like John Cusack was important in The Runanway Jury. And, you know, Say Anything."
And then...there's the other, more rational part of me that realizes this is gonna suuuuuuck. I'll likely be stuck in the "Hall of Justice" (which, isn't that where Aquaman and Wonder Woman hung out?) for three days, staring at the wall, while also actively trying not to get knifed. And in the event I actually do get called for a jury (horrors! HORRORS!), I'm going to have to pull a Liz Lemon.
If that doesn't elicit the desired effect (HOW COULD IT NOT?), and I AM a juror, my ideal case would involve: (a) a D-list celebrity; (b) a pimp, dressed in actual pimp clothes, including feather-topped fedora; (c) that dude from the Brady Bunch who faked a neck injury to try to milk Mr. Brady out of money, but Mr. Brady TOTALLY SNAKED HIS ASS and dropped his briefcase mid-trial, making a loud thud, such that the trickster quickly swiveled his neck, thus proving he could, in fact move his neck, AND THUS PROVING HE WAS LYING; or in a perfect world, (d) all of the above, baby.
One of my friends also suggested bringing one or both of my children with me so as to escape the possibility of getting selected, but that would, you know, actually entail bringing one or both of my children with me. So, that's out. All I know is that the jury summons specifically tells me not to wear "see through" clothing (Slynnro! Random quotation marks! They're "awesome"!), so I'm already looking forward to seeing the rest of my jury pool.
Think good, non-potential-juror-material thoughts for me, people!
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23 comments:
Rurrr Jurrr... seriously, that's my most favorite 30 Rock episode ever. I have never laughed so hard in my life. "I am a stabbing robot!"
Oh and *knock on wood* I've never been called for jury duty. Good luck with that.
Seeing as how I have finally jumped on the 30 Rock Bandwagon, I totally have that episode in my head.
I have never been called for Jury Duty (Yet). Have...fun?
Ah jury duty the epitome of suck. Good luck and I suggest you bring something with you to read.
I still have not seen 30 Rock. I feel so behind.
I got just got out of jury duty last month by writing "my baby only drinks milk from my breast" on the mail back card. Within 48 hours I had a letter in my hand excusing me from duty. Awesome, no?
So I got selected to go this month, as well, and was all bitching and moaning as it was two days before I was leaving for Australia, and I had prepared my speech (and watched that Liz Lemon clip 20 times) to get out of it, and cleared my schedule, and then the morning of, lo! Checked the court website, and I was dismissed! Best part? I can't be summoned again for 12 whole months...and I didn't even have to do anything in the first place. I win!
I got out of it because I knew some epople who had worked in law enforcement, including my dad. They'll ask you stuff like that and then you just say that and they won't want you.
I was supposed to have Jury Duty last week, but I got called off. I was HOPING to get put on a jury (for a short trial, of course).
why am i feeling all kinds of shafted that i've never been called for jury duty?!??!
(A little late to the delurking party, but hey...)
I've actually been called to jury duty twice. And put on the jury BOTH TIMES. But honestly, I kind of like it. Gives me a little bit of faith that the legal system actually selects intelligent, analytical folks for juries on occasion. And heck, if I ever needed a jury to decide my fate (heavens forfend), I'd prefer it if the smart folks in the community didn't use their smarts to get out of jury duty.
Well, of course you have to wear "see through" clothing, since they told you not to. Also, make sure you answer every question with some racist, femi-nazi or otherwise extreme viewpoint represented. Oh, and tell them you come from a family of lawyers. That should make sure you don't get on the jury!!
I always get all, "Runaway Jury!" thinking about it. Wonder when I'll get called...
The "Rural Juror" - I remember that from 30 Rock! And, "I'ma cutchu." is the first time I've laughed out loud today...many times jury selection will rule you out if they ask questions like, "Do you know any police officers?" - How about that policeman from over the summer with the big guns, but super tight shirt? We'll get you out of this yet!
Is it awful of me to hope that you do get put on a jury so that we could hear all about it?
This is all well and good, but when I saw there was an update from you on Google Reader, I just KNEW that it was going to be about Loving Leah. Because, last night, as I was watching it, all I could think of was your re-cap and how great it would be.
So, please, please, please don't keep us hanging! :)
I hope your jury duty goes as well as mine did. For two days, I went into the jury room, was given $15, and then sat around and read (unfortunately, no wifi) until around noon when they let us go home!
A few trials were picked, but my name was never called.
I also have alien fingers! I used to terrorize my E.T.-phobic freshman roomie by pointing my index and middle fingers at her and chanting "Rees-ees-Piece-ees." Good luck getting out of j.d.!
Here I am! Responding to individual comments for once! You have Jury Duty th thank for that:
Carissa & Angella --The "Rurr Jurr" made me laugh so hard, I was sort of thrilled to have the opportunity to work it into a post. I read somewhere that those are two words that Tina Fey has trouble enunciating properly (probably like my issue with the word "mobile"), so they worked it into the script.
Lost in Splendor- You MUST start watching 30 Rock. And as for my reading material, I brought work with me, but when I get bored, I'm reading a Jennifer Weiner book I found on my shelf. It's oddly addicting.
Amber-I believe that here, you need to show up to be excused. And even then, your excuse has to be dynamite. Like, "I'm actively birthing a child," or "I'm technically dead."
C&C-If I didn't love you so much, I'd want to punch you a tiny bit. I'm so jealous!
Julianna- So far, I haven't been called in yet..just sitting here in a big room, alternating between working, reading, and wasting time online. :)
3Carnations-In a weird way, I SORT OF wouldn't mind if that happened, as long as it was a short trial!
Ali-Do they have that in Canada? I'm not asking to be funny. I'm really sadly uninformed.
Amelia-HI!! Thanks for delurking. And thanks for that comment; you actually made me think about this in a much more positive light. :)
Jill- I DO come from a family of lawyers! I'm just waiting for someone to ask me that question...
KMart- I really liked that movie, and was intrigued by the idea of the underground jury consultants. (if they exist, if they really use those methods, etc.)
Michelle- HAHAAA! I totally forgot about Gun Show Cop! Well, my dad is former cop, now an attorney, so if the question was raised, I could answer yes very truthfully.
Jen-YES, JEN. YES IT IS. (Unless it's a short trial. Involving something awesome.)
Melissa- Oh, you watched it too? AWESOME. I have to write a post about it eventually. Thanks! :)
merrymishaps-They pay $40 here, but that's only if your job doesn't pay you for your time off (mine does). Way to go, NY State!
Joanna-I'm sitting here in the jury room, snort-laughing at the thought of you harassing your roommate by going "reeeeses pieeeces" with your ET fingers. I'm so mature.
Wait, why three days? Shouldn't they know on the first day whether they need you or not?
Here in IL they have you call the night before and usually you can get out of it that way.
The Rurrrrr Jurrrrr! My FAVE.
p.s., I left you the link to my flats in my comments section! :)
Has anyone shown up with a mango or a coconut?
Also, I can't wait to read your thoughts on "Loving Leah." I watched it with you in mind.
I have never been called for jury duty, but I would kind of like to be called. Good luck!
Add me to the bunch who've never been called for jury duty. I'm actually sort of curious about it... plus I think it would be a good excuse to get to sit and do nothing but read a book for several hours. That said, for your sake, I still hope you're not selected!
I watched Loving Leah on Sunday because you mentioned it was on...did you like it? Was it somewhat accurate? I was hoping you would do a post about it....?
Love your blog. :)
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