Duck This Shot: The iPhone Rap

It's no secret that I'm obsessed with the SNL Digital Shorts, and my friend (and humor twin) Bearca feels the same way. She and I have both been listening to the Lonely Island's album Incredibad on pretty much a constant rotation all week. It is also no secret that while I love my iPhone, I cannot deal with the mysterious words its auto-correct function thinks I really want to use. At nearly midnight on Tuesday, I received an email from Bearca, suggesting I write a rap about this issue, and try to get it on SNL.

Unfortunately, for Bearca, I actually took her seriously, and together, we embarked upon a new and Very Important Life Project called "write a rap about the iPhone's auto correct function entitled 'Duck This Shot,' and somehow get it produced and aired as a Digital Short on Saturday Night Live." Modest goals, you know? And so, it is with trepidation and excitement, I bring you our collaboration. And hey, if anyone wants to rap it for us on video and/or pass this along to Lorne Michaels, that would be super awesome.

Duck This Shot

~A Bearca-Metalia Joint

Oh, funky fresh iPhone, auto-correctin' when I type.
But the words you wanna use are so much hype.
Hard enough to type a message on your tiny-ass screen...
But when I'm done I read thru, and on your words I ain't keen.

Sometimes I really *need* to say "f*ck this sh!t."
But see, this really gets my iPhone in a snit.
Oh, pollyana iPhone, it thinks it knows a lot.
So it changes my dope words to "duck this shot."

I want to say "hell" much more often than he'll".
Yet you presume the latter always fits the bill.
And I doubt that's a problem that only I've got.
So, whatever, iPhone. Duck this shot.

"Duck this shot," by the way, is even WORSE.
It implies use of a gun! That's more ill than a curse.
I may be a hardcore rapper but on this I ain't silent.
Sorry, iPhone, I don't condone violence.

Even when I try to be clean, you go and do me wrong.
Why you play me like that, iPhone? My devotion is lifelong.
I type the word "fricking," you change it to "tricking."
Duck that shot man, I'm gonna go down kicking.

And who could forget about that time I went shopping?
Textin' my aunt about the stuff I'd just gotten.
But you "fixed" my (misspelled) "stuff." Oh. Em. Gee.
So my text to her read "I got some real good STD."

And what up, iPhone - why can't I type "yo"?
Always changin' it to "to," but rappers gotta flow.
If I can't use "yo," then that's just wack.
You're cramping my style, man - stay the hell back.

Don't even get me started on your "for" to "fir" switch.
Each time you pull that drama, I'm like, "son of a bitch!"
Insanity, I tell you, it's a real must see.
It's almost March! Who's typin' ‘bout Christmas trees?

"Don't" is another word that makes me wanna start a riot.
You always seem to think that I mean to say "diet."
Come ON now, iPhone, you're gonna make me cry.
All this talk of diets--wat'chu trying to imply?!

One final correction that I just can't dig,
Is when I misspell "which" and you change it to "Whig."
iPhone, you never even got my tacit consent!
You trippin' if you think that this is British Parliament!

But iPhone, please don't think that I'm bein' a hater.
I love you like a candy freak loves Now n' Laters.
You bring joy to the people from city to city.
I love you like octuplet mom loves little kiddies.