Fake Spring Week: I'm not making it up.

There’s always this weird week-long stretch amidst every New York winter where the temperature magically and randomly climbs from around 19 degrees to 50-something degrees. I call it Fake Spring Week. Our thermometer usually hovers around the mid-30s most of the winter, so this week is the cause of much merriment in the land—er, city. WITHOUT FAIL, this happens each and every year. And again, without fail, each year, many women here utilize the abrupt (and brief) rise in temperature as an excuse to strip down and parade around as if they’re starring in The Movie Version of How Hollywood Thinks High School Girls Dress. This is straight-up science, people. See?

This means even MORE half-zipped, bedazzled Bebe velour hoodies with nothing underneath than unusual (WHYYYY??!!), frayed denim miniskirts with Uggs, and my personal “favorite," tunic-masquerading-as-dress-sans-pants-or-leggings-and-oh-my- hell-I-think-I-just-inadvertently-saw-that-woman’s-LadyTown.

Fake Spring Week commenced yesterday, and we decamped for the zoo immediately, apparently along with every other family in the tri-state area, all hyper-enthusiastically determined to SOAK UP THE SUN! AND FRESH AIR! AND ANIMALS LOOK A BABY GOAT FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ISN'T THIS DELIGHTFUL.

The thing is, it’s still winter, so there wasn’t all that much going on in the way of frolicking wildlife. What the zoo lacked in warm weather animals, though, it made up for in…mud.

And seeing as I’m not immune to the seductive charms of Fake Spring Week, I ruined a pair of adorable new suede flats in said mud. They were only $16, but they were reduced from $98 (thank you, Banana Republic), so the pain of my amazing idiocy is very, very real.

My parents accompanied us, which was great for many reasons, not the least of which was the fact that my dad was able to capture this picture.

As I mentioned on Flickr, I’m FULLY aware of the Speidi-like nature of this shot (“Tra la la! Here we are, casually swinging this here child, AS EXPRESSLY CONVEYED TO NOT ONE, NOT TWO, BUT THREE SEPARATE PHOTO AGENCIES WITH WHOM WE HAVE WRITTEN CONTRACTUAL ARRANGEMENTS BEFORE ARRIVING AT THE ZOO without a caaaare in the world!”). But I assure you, if nothing else, my horrible outfit (cropped coat! long tunic sweater! NO! Just…no.) tells you this was in no way planned.

THIS one, I’ll admit, was.

T enjoyed the animals immensely, and Lo enjoyed the rare sensation of direct sunlight.

I enjoyed watching them take it all in, of course, but I also enjoyed repeatedly singing “I’m on a boat! I’m on a boat! Everybody look at me 'cause I'm sailing on a boat! Take a good hard look at the motherf*cking boat!” under my breath while roaming throughout the zoo. Oh, what’s that? You HAVEN’T yet seen the genius Digital Short from this week’s SNL? It works on so many levels. (Mainly, the ones relating to boats, and being on them, but whatever.)

And while we’re on the subject, can we discuss whether or not my secret crush on Andy Samberg makes me a cougar? (Do I even want to know the answer?)