Key moments of my Tuesday, in the style of the Harper's Index

10: Seconds spent reciting a specific and obscure line from The Lost Boys at the request of my husband.

22: Hours subsequently spent reminiscing about The World Series of Pop Culture, lamenting the fact that it no longer exists, and drafting a list of both potential names for and members OF my hypothetical team, should VH1 ever bring it back.

1: Author’s name that sent me into fits of giggles when I saw it. (Ann Brashares, author of the Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants series. Because, like…DUDE. BRA SHARES. HAAAAAA.)

2: Prayers uttered. One for the success of my dear friend Casey’s surgery, and the other for my newest obsession, MeMe, to start a Twitter account, which would possibly contain tweets like, "At Dunkin' Donuts. Absconding with Munchkins. Also, sugar packets." and "Eating hearty dinner of celery on treadmill. 97% incline. Weeping." What? STOP JUDGING MY SECOND PRAYER. PEOPLE HAVE PRAYED FOR DUMBER THINGS, YOU KNOW.

.002: Nanoseconds considering starting said Twitter account myself, only to decide against it, as I fear her greatly. (HOW AWESOME WOULD IT HAVE BEEN, THOUGH?)

1: New dresses purchased, after wearing a (VERY UNINTENTIONALLY REVEALING) wrap dress sans tank top underneath, thus affording everyone on the subway a splendid view of my bra. I went to the nearest clothing store after arriving at work, and found a $10 camisole, but as I waited to pay for it, spied an adorable dress on sale for $20. While technically double the price, and completely unneeded/not the reason I went in, its purchase in place of the tank top was easily rationalized. Hooray for Fashion Math! And preventing any successive accidental flashings!

100%: Mood improvement--after the embarrassment of the revealing wrap dress-- upon the purchase of the new, modest dress, AND seeing that the Mango Shorts I saw there last week were still in the store. Hee!



75,832: Approximate total number of times I’ve watched both this video of Ali’s son Josh singing along to a song he doesn’t actually know, and the video below, which…well, I can’t explain how hard it made me laugh without resorting to clichés, so I'm therefore forced to say that I was laughing so hard that it was audible, and I wet myself while watching it, snorting and also crying, but in addition, rolling on the floor, ostensibly to find my ass, inasmuch as my laughter was so intense that said ass was no longer attached to my person.

Not to build it up, or anything.

(And yes, I know many people have already seen this, but in the event you haven’t, take a few minutes now and watch it. My favorite part? “What the effing crap? That angel guy just felt me up!”)



7: Shades of red I turned after sharing with a few friends my deepest, darkest of all my nerd secrets: The fact that many years ago, I won a Periodic Table of Elements Bee. Perhaps that alone wouldn’t have been so bad, but no, I had to go and divulge the fact that I had mnemonic devices to recall the elements. (e.g., “Iron=Fe, because you Feel strong when you pump iron.” WHY DO I STILL REMEMBER THIS, LET ALONE SHARE IT WITH PEOPLE, OMFG.)

4: Sentences in an email response from one of those friends that just about sum up the whole incident:

[Metalia], I'm going to delete your last email. I will then go into my 'Deleted Items' folder and permanently delete the email. I will then go into my 'Sent Items' folder and delete this email with my response to your email. I suggest everyone else do the same, and, for your benefit, we should never speak of this Periodic Table Bee again.