I Really Have No Words For This

Perhaps you may recall how, a few short weeks ago, I shared with you all one of my greatest local treasures. I refer, of course, to the gift of Fernando the Party Planner. We all had some good times, didn't we? We marveled at the wonder that is this commercial, and some of us may even have spoken grandly of plans to make a trip out to visit the liquor store that Fernando represents, in the hopes of seeing him in action. Oh, how we laughed!

WELL.

I was checking my email earlier today, and noticed I had a new Flickr comment on the Fernando video. IT WAS FROM FERNANDO.

No, stop it. Come back! I'm serious.

As you can see here, and here, the actor playing Fernando is quite flattered by our (fine, MY) undying love of what is clearly THE BEST COMMERCIAL EVER. I, in turn, am beside myself with excitement and laughter that, hi, Fernando totally watched my Flickr video. AND THEN COMMENTED ON IT. He left his Facebook/Twitter info in one of his comments, so obviously, I'm now following him. You should, too. Because, dude. It's FERNANDO. And oh my god, he apparently has other characters that we haven't even SEEN yet, if he is to be believed.

I swear this is true, though yes, if you're naturally suspicious, I suppose this could all seem too weird to be true, and might just be the GREATEST VIRAL MARKETING SCHEME THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN...but if so, someone should just hire me for my skills, because clearly, I'm a genius at, you know, the viral marketing.

Anyway, the upshot of all of this is that I do believe I'm starting a Fernando fan club. Who's in?

And while we're on the subject of commercials, there's another one that warrants discussion. (You'd think the aforementioned tale would make me think twice before writing about commercials again, but apparently, I like to live dangerously.)

I recently mentioned on Twitter that I was more than a little bothered by the Olive Garden's recent commercial where the mom is all, "When Dad's allegedly working late, but more than likely shtupping his secretary, I like to take my adolescent son out for a dinner at the Olive Garden where I ask him all manner of annoying questions about his girlfriend! P.S. I apparently possess no concept of personal space!"

I'm paraphrasing, yes, but only slightly. Every time I saw this commercial it annoyed me, because really, what teenage boy reacts this favorably to his mom's overbearing ministrations? FAKE, FAKE, FAKE. Hell, I remember a time in my own adolescence where a simple "how was your day, honey?" from my (lovely, kind) parents would set me off, shrieking "YOU DON'T OWN MY LIIIIIIIIIFE!!" and stomping up the stairs in my Doc Martens, or some other equally proportionate response. God forbid they asked me to accompany them to a restaurant. In public, those assholes.

The other day, I happened to have muted the TV for some reason, and the stupid Olive Garden commercial came on. Immediately, it hit me: As much as the commercial is annoying on its own, it becomes downright DISTURBING when you watch it on mute, as it appears that the mom is totally, TOTALLY hitting on the teenage boy. OBSERVE:



I rest my case. Naturally, I found the whole thing too horrifying for words, and instead--as you can see--made up what is essentially a fanfic revolving around Gertie the irrepressible divorcee, and Tad, the headstrong young man who catches her eye. As you do.