…Is not something I will ever be revealing here.
Sorry to be annoying. The real title of the post should be "In Defense of the Pseudonymous Blogger." I write it not so much for 99% of you here, but rather, the people who come here searching for my real name, hence the nice and Google-friendly title. If you do choose to read on, thank you, and I'll reward you soon with pictures of me attempting to get my hair to look like a wig. No no, you read that right-- it's exactly what it sounds like. A FAKE WIG. God help me.
Can I be frank with you guys for a second?
While I’m sort of—well, VERY—proud of the fact that my blog was at one point the top Google search result for “Twilight drinking game,” there are other searches through which people arrive here that just plain frighten/anger me…such as the ones for my real name.
I had six searches for that today alone. SIX.
This is becoming a problem.
I’m quite careful when it comes to revealing my name online. I have a great job that I absolutely love, which is precisely WHY I am so careful at retaining quasi-anonymity online. Because people? Take my word for it, my first, middle and last names are EACH really unusual, so taken together, I can be googled in a HEARTBEAT. Those of you who are friends with me offline (whether through real life means, or by way of this blog), however, know that I have no problem divulging my real name outside of the internet. Most of my real-life friends know about my blog, and most of my family reads it. In fact, watch:
Me [writing a post]: "And then I said 'FUUUUUUUUCK.' The End!" [Hits publish.]
Phone: *ring, ring *
My mom: Stop cursing! Now I can’t show your blogs [not posts, but “blogs”] to my friends!
The anonymity, you see, more than anything, is a career maneuver, just as the casual swearing is a tacit strategy to keep my mom’s friends at bay. I am a crafty little minx.
But as much as I’d like to think I have some sense of who reads my stuff, the reality is that I don’t. Like, at all. And knowing that, I write here straddling some really weird line of “man, I hope no one who googles [my real name] links it to this blog, but if they do somehow make the connection, I don’t think there’s anything particularly offensive here, with the exception of the incestuous cougar Olive Garden commercial, and that gross pervert’s balls, but I TOTALLY STAND BY THOSE POSTS.” Essentially, I write as if discovery is an inevitability, while simultaneously hoping that I’m wrong. The one thing I can control is the people with whom I share my real name. And so that's what I do.
I’ve read a number of statements elsewhere which essentially posit that bloggers who use pseudonyms online are…well, cowardly, and that full credence should not be granted to their writing and comments, as there isn’t a real person standing behind them, so to speak. And while I’d concede that point in instances where the person is hiding behind an anonymous name for the express purpose of acting like a flaming douchebag, I feel strongly that this broad brushstroke approach (i.e., “pseudonym=bad”) cannot be applied to ALL cases where bloggers choose anonymity. I’d like to think that you all don’t deduct “points” from my writing, simply because you don’t see my real name up there on the banner, but if you do, I have no choice but to shrug my shoulders, and keep doing what I have been doing. I've made a decision that I feel works for me, and with which I'm comfortable.
And so, if you came to this page searching for my real name, take a step back, and ask yourself –REALLY, ask yourself--why you’re looking for information I clearly intended to keep private. Then once you’ve done so, consider, say, emailing me, or something. Or asking me a question. That’s a good start to developing a relationship, one where you’ll likely learn my name over time. But please, stop looking for “Metalia real name,” or the real name of ANY blogger who has specifically chosen to keep it to his/herself. As I hope I’ve demonstrated, I do have my reasons, and while I’d love to be more open, my career and basic privacy (on account of my uncommon names) take precedence over the preferences of those who’d simply like to know my identity.
(I hope that isn't too harsh, and again, that wasn't directed towards the vast majority of you. But! If you did read it, I thank you once again, and welcome your thoughts and opinions on the matter.)