Wednesday: The day I imitate Whitney Port, and steal my kids' hair products.

1. I have been watching --with an appropriate amount of shame-- The Hills and The City for...well, a while now. And you know what? I accept the fast and loose definition of the shows' versions of "reality" as an added level of hilarity. (Particularly in the case of The City, which bears only the faintest of passing resemblances to living and working in the actual city of New York.) However, something that happened on this week's episode of The City that made even me say, "forgive me, but this is just too much. And also, it's AMAZING."

As you may or may not know, Whitney is trying to start a fashion line. At one point during the episode, we catch a glimpse of Whitney's "sketches," which are--without hyperbole--the worst, most unskilled renderings in the history of anything, ever, and I include therein the drawing of a snowman in a top hat I drew with a ballpoint pen between my toes, drunk, at 3 am one night during college JUST TO SEE IF I COULD.

The point here is that her drawing of shorts? WAS A PICTURE OF TWO SQUARES. ATTACHED. THAT'S IT. And lo, it was HILARIOUS, because everyone is taking her seriously, and talking about what she Needs To Do For The Line, when in fact what she needs to do is back slowwwwly away from the sketchbook. It's...it's important to take stock of yourself and your abilities, which is why I personally have shied away from careers in professional dance, cleaning, and... trigonometry. It all reminded me very much of the scene in Not Another Teen Movie where Jake is talking to Janie about her masterpiece of a painting, describing its beauty, its soulful qualities, and then you see it... and it's a stick figure with a smiley face. I've taken the liberty of reimagining Whitney's sketchbook for you here, based on actual drawing discussed and displayed on the show: 2. Admittedly, humor is subjective, but I was unable to breathe when watching this SNL skit this past weekend. The dipping did me in:



3. I have a post up over at BeautyHacks, and I'm kind of in mad love with the product. (Also? Kind of touched that the creators of the product found the post, and reached out to me via Twitter to thank me. INTERNET MAAAAGIC.)

4. I need help with an admittedly insignificant problem: Does anyone know of a product for hair that gets knotty incredibly easily once the weather turns fall-like? Because the minute I step outside, my hair becomes an untenable rats' nest, and my desperate solution involved stealing my children's detangling spray, and while I am enjoying both the apple scent and its tear-free properties, I am hoping that there is perhaps a more sophisticated answer out there, by which I mean, "a bottle that does not prominently feature a freaky looking purple cartoon octopus." Help.

5. I needed five things, because I'm delightfully OCD like that. Uh...I like pie.