But, you know, the drink menu showed up, and I was instantly taken with the intriguing Pimenton Cucumber Gimlet. (Hendrick's Gin! Muddled cucumbers! Dusting of pimenton! GIMLET. How can you lose?) I grant you that it was likely not the best choice on essentially an empty stomach, but I stand by it, by which I mean, it was delicious. If incredibly tipsy-making. (Did I mention I don't drink so often? And my tolerance is incredibly low, as a result?)
At some point, one of J's and my friends (Is that grammatically sound? IS THAT EVEN ENGLISH? It does not sound right, I tell you what) emailed me, J, and another friend to ask a question (about Twitter, of all things), and as the replies started rolling in, I attempted to email J directly, saying "Whoa. I am going to have to discuss this later; I'm a bit uncharacteristically overserved at the moment, and my input to this conversation will probably be more effective once I'm home and the effects of these here spirits have worn off. We shall be hailing a cab anon, my love!" Well, at least I thought I had conveyed that general message. This is what I actually sent him. And the rest of the (mercifully small!) group:
J was still laughing about this when I arrived home, and while I acknowledged the humor, I couldn't help but notice how...COMPARATIVELY LAME this particular event was, in light of the alcohol-fueled idiocy of my youth. Granted, the peak of such idiocy was nearly 10 years ago, but still. Let's take a look:
Metalia: The College Years
- Weepy and poor quality rendition of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" during open mike night at dive bar.
- "I can do it! I CAN DO IT!"-intensive, stubborn insistence that I could reenact the Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade "leap of faith" from three stairs above a concrete floor. (I chose...poorly.)
- Anything directly or indirectly involving amaretto, and me.
- Crazed excitement upon spotting Liev Schrieber walking his dog in the village, subsequently screaming to him from cab...only to realize I didn't remember anything he was in at the time.
- "Mechanical bull? Why NOT?"
- With help from friends, absconding with large decorative potted plant from college apartment hallway; followed by crisis of conscience, and returning of said plant five minutes later with note reading "I am sorry to all those who missed me. Love, Plant."
- Sending a dumb email.
- Hmmm. Yep, that's basically it.
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21 comments:
Oh to be young again. I remember singing Rizo's song from grease at a bar one night....while standing on the bar. Being thrown over the shoulder of a bouncer and carried out of a bar. Once my friend was on a pay phone and I really had to pee and she would not shut-up, so I just dropped trow and peed right there. I am so old....
I remember one night in college, my friend and sorority sister, Jen, had obtained a life-size, inflatable, Chip and Dales dancer. (Yes, you read that correctly. He was NOT anatomically correct. He was just...a giant blow up doll with great abs.)
Anyway, Jen and I proceeded to drink a bottle of Strawberry Boone's Farm (each) and stumbled out onto campus, dragging Plastic Pete (as we had dubbed him) between us. Our adventures with our plastic date are spotty in my memory (wonder why?), but I do recall that we took him to the fraternity house of my then crush (who is now my husband), where we caused the inflatable man to bungee jump from a third floor window onto unsuspecting guests, while singing the Pogue's Hell's Ditch at the top of our lungs...
Ah...college.
Rather than hijack your comments with the many stories of the idiocy of my youth, I was inspired to write my own post. Suffice it to say, there is tap dancing involved.
I went out with friends last weekend, and had two glasses with wine, WITH dinner.
And I couldn't drive myself home. Because two lousy glasses of wine made me tipsy enough that I didn't want to subject other people to possible vehicular manslaughter.
I am old too. The pinnacle of pathetic.
Your cactus/plant story reminds me of a night a couple years after college, when I went out one night in Philadelphia with a high school friend and a co-worker, much drinking occured, much drinking. I fell in love with a barstool at the last bar, so in love that when we went to leave I picked it up, strolled past the bouncer, who was a bit suprised, and walked out the door.
I then sat next to a very busy road and waved to passing traffic until I was convinced it was time to go home...
Not sure what happened to that stool, the high school friend had it for awhile in his apt....
good times
What is it about plants when one is drunk? My college roommate and I used to have incredibly long and involved conversations about greenery while under the influence. Like the house party where we decided to lean up against a bush, which turned out to be the most comfortable bush ever, where we stayed discussing said comfortable bush until the conversation devolved into hysterics over the phrase "comfortable bush". Yeah. Proud moments.
Wow. Your college drunken adventures are at least funny. Mine usually involved getting naked at totally inappropriate times and/or making out with completely inappropriate people, which is just... um, well, horribly embarrassing now. Not so much funny.
Oh, but once in New Orleans, my BFF and I did get completely hammered, and then we sang "I Will Survive" at a karaoke bar where they actually FILM YOU while you're on stage, and then you can buy the video for $10 afterward. We thought that sounded AWESOME - because after 5 jello shots, everything sounds awesome. So we bought the video, watched it when we got home, were horrified (I was *that girl* who over-emoted to the lyrics, and my BFF was so drunk that her jeans were unzipped the whole time and she had NO ideaa), and we promptly destroyed the tape.
New Year's Eve 1999 - I was two years out of college, so I should have known better. But, for various and assorted reasons, I was extremely overserved and was hurrying to keep up with my sister's friend on the cold, cold streets of a snowy Chicago. It seems that I slipped and face planted on the sidewalk. All I really remember is getting up and spitting out my teeth. The friend never even noticed. I decided that I didn't want to ruin anyone's good time on New Years, so I just pulled my coat down over the bleeding wound on my (broken) wrist and nonchalantly handed the bouncer my id at the next bar - thereby single handedly reinforcing every stereotype about toothless southerners.
To this day, any time I post on Facebook about taking a trip, someone responds with "Don't lose a tooth."
My dad once told me about how his whole rugby team stole a GRAND PIANO from a rival school after they played a match there (and then celebrated with many beers, apparently). Smuggled it onto the bus and everything. I can't beat that so I won't even try.
I'm not even going to begin to make a list...BUT! I do think it is interesting that so many of us ladies steal things for the home! I once stole a commercial sized coat rack that had to weigh 50lbs from a bar in Boone, NC. We were four girls living in an apartment and we had coats and scarves and bags and I just decided I was going to take it! Carried it up three flights of stairs with the picture to prove it! I still remember the outfit I'm wearning in the picture. I was channeling Felicia from General Hospital... It served us well and I laugh now to think about the bar realizing it was gone. "Where's the coat rack? Who would steal that giant COAT RACK?" A girl would! And a plant and a bar stool too! Guess it goes along with nesting and foraging...
Hmmm... craziest thing I ever did while drunk: Got engaged.
(Story coming to a resurrected blog post near you.)
About two years ago (as in, before the baby) my husband and I went out to dinner with my brother and his girlfriend. I guess it had been a while since we'd been out. So we had cocktails, split two - or was it three? - bottles of wine, plus after dinner drinks, THEN went to a nearby bar for more drinks. We left that bar when my husband started falling asleep with his head on the bar.
We then headed to the metro (this was in DC) and got on to go home. And both fell asleep. We rode all the way to the end of the line, and when I realized what had happened I got off to get on the other side and head back. I did not wake my husband up. Got on the train in the other direction, fell asleep AGAIN, rode to the OTHER end of the line, then finally sobered up enough to stay awake and make it home. Well, to the station near our house, where I then had to walk a mile home by myself at 3 in the morning.
We were supposed to have a dinner party the next day, but called it off as I was "too sick."
I may or may not have ridden a mechanical bull just ONE year ago AT A WORK FUNCTION.
Pleading the 5th on dumb drunken actions.
However, I love love LOVE Liev Schrieber and love that you did ten years ago, too. Daytrippers is when I first noticed him but it was A Walk on the Moon that hooked me for life.
I'm still in university so uh...two years ago..my friends and I, while rather inebriated, decided to have "Midget Races". My friend and I are only 5' so two of our guy friends raced each other while piggybacking us. The one my friend was on tripped and fell, effectively launching my friend into the air where she somersaulted and faceplanted into the floor. This resulted in her crying in the bathroom that she "just didn't want to be ugly".
To top it all off, someone was filming this, and it is now a vidoe on Youtube entitled "Killa eats the Floor"
A couple of things.
First off: Thanks so much for obscuring my email, I don't need my legion of fans to figure out another way to contact me.
Secondly: As you well know, even at this advanced age, I have plenty of ridiculous drunk stories. But one of my favorites is also a drunk text. After a drunken night recently I woke up to a text from me, to me that said: "Reminder: Lame people, ice ice or something." I don't know, but I think that might beat "fruuuuuuunk" but not by much.
Delurking just to say that you never know how stupid hijinks that you participate in (especially in colledge)will follow you later in life. Case in point: during a fraternity prank, my husband and his brothers decided it would be a great idea to take plants off neighbors' front porches to decorate their fraternity house for Jungle Party. Turns out, they got pulled over in the act, got sent to jail and booked for a misdemeanor b/c one of the plants was actually a $300 fig tree. Fastforward to now, my husband and I are in the process of adopting. Well, try explaining in writing why your husband got arrested for stealing plants. Sounds pretty fishy, I agree. End of story, we had to pay a nice little sum of money to get that expuged off his record. Good times.
HAHAHAHA! I can't stop laughing about FRRRRUUUUNNNNNKKKKK! HAHAHA!
One time at a Stanford/ASU game, after tailgating ALL day and sneaking in booze to the actual game, I decided to steal a tire. There was this auto repair shop on campus and they had the bathroom by our parking lot. So after the game, I went to use the facilities and said, out loud, to my friend "HOW FUNNY WOULD IT BE TO PUT THIS TIRE ON ROCKY'S CAR???"
So I did. I thought it was effing HILARIOUS!
I was the only one.
"I am sorry to all those who missed me. Love, Plant."
Amazing.
Love,
Taco flavored kisses
I told you- you love the word absconding. It's ridiculous.
I had no idea what pimenton was and had to look it up. Sp you may be old but you're way ahead of me there. Oh, and also, I'm older than you. Now I'm depressed. I need a drink. With muddled cucumbers and pimenton.
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