A few weeks ago, I received a PR email addressed to "Metalina," and telling -- not asking -- me to post some pictures from some fashion show. I promptly ignored it due to...well, basically every single word in the previous sentence. I then received a follow-up email a few days later, telling me they'd "really appreciate a response on this! Are you able to post?!"
So, I replied. I opened my email by addressing their request, pointing out that my name is not Metalina, and saying that I thought it was a bit ballsy to send those emails, but I then TRIED TO BE KIND OF HELPFUL, and give some guidance on the sender's tone/approach with pitch emails in the future:
For future reference -- and truly, I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm saying this so you can do your job better when you reach out to bloggers -- I'm going to give you some advice. Get the person's name right. Do your research, and only approach people whose blogs actually comport with what you're looking for (and that is, in this case, free advertising). Realize that you're asking them for something, and as such, at least avoid sending follow-up emails saying that "you'd really appreciate a response." It doesn't come across well.
Good luck,
Metalia
I then got a response, which, I'm sorry, J and I have been QUOTING TO EACH OTHER, such is its hilarity. Here's an excerpt (and it's still pretty long) (and no, I have literally no idea why she is mentioning my "years of English."):
Metalia!
I have been deciding how to respond to your email below. I received it after doing a shoot with a celebrity...NO WHERE did we state that YOU NEEDED to post, use pictures, advertise...... simply all we were giving you was information, and I can not believe that you have the nerve to use "ballsy" in regards to follow up pitching.... Is that not what publicists do?? Don't they promote, brand, and help make others aware of content?? I mean publicists follow up with phone calls, desk sides, door visits, and you are annoyed that I simply reached out to you twice. Well... you are correct I do have balls, enough balls to take time out of my busy day to write this email to you to simply tell you that... I am one to take constructive criticism, and learn/ grow from experiences. But no way shape or form did I find your words of years of English helpful or even nice. I am sorry that you think that these amazing designer's fashion is not CONTENT in your regard, I am sorry for the typo of your name, and I am sorry that you had to assume that we had never been to your blog, but I am more sorry that I felt that you would have enjoyed the fun fashion that we wanted to provide you and your viewers.
I will remove you from our important blog list for women and editor considerations...your email was OFFENSIVE!!!!
And...SCENE. If you'll excuse me, I must go mourn my removal from the important blog list for women. (OMFG.)
UPDATE
Yvonne is amazing for many, many reasons, but right now, reason #1 is this, which she made for me. The important blog list: let me show you it:
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56 comments:
As a faithful "viewer" I am so offended that I am canceling my subscription to the Metalina show. How will I ever know which of "these designer's" is so "amazing" that he/she requires the use of the plural pronoun?
Oh my GOSH. I cannot believe that email!
Now, I have to ask you an honest question: did you skip straight to the hilarity, or were you first incensed and furious? Because I would TOTALLY be incensed and furious for about 24 hours.
I think my favorite part is where she announces that you're correct, she does have balls.
Oh Metalina.... I promise you I always find your words of years of english helpful or even nice!
In other news, I read a grant proposal this week that included the phrase "fallacious conscienciousness"
Yeah.
Ha ha ha. Hilarious!
Good for you Metalina!!
All professional emails should have a LAW AGAINST GRATUITOUS EXCLAMATION POINTS. (Clearly not one on overusing caps, though.) But, seriously, want to be taken seriously? Act like you don't take yourself so damn seriously.
Wow. Lucky you, she pretty much promised never to contact you again!
You're a better person than I am, I'd have published the name of the PR firm and the "designer."
I'm with Erin. I'd post the name of the rep and the designers. And then I'd write to the designers' companies and tell them how they're being represented. And then I'd continue to quote this woman's email because it is hilarious.
What THE? That is awesome of you. I have always imagined replying and offering some "helpful words (of English)" to these email pitches but never would I expect such a response. Wow.
As always, you are the bomb.
Steph
I've been pulling an idea for a long time, a place to post all the bad PR pitches we recieve.
I actually got a PR pitch addressed to a DIFFERENT BLOGGER. And the entire pitch was about how much they love this OTHER BLOG. That I do not now, nor have I ever written for.
And you should see what people do to Jodi.
Anyway, so that is my idea. Sorry to make this about me.
I just fell over and died from the funny.
Years of English and that's the best response I can come up with.
oh metalina, she sure told you. told you good...
bahahahahaha.
this is just really priceless.
you are awesome!
Ooooh... maybe now that Metalina has been removed from the important blog list for women, I can finally have my shot! *fingers crossed*
You're making me regret the fact that I never take the time to respond to those types of blog pitches. I'm missing out on some good laughs, it seems. ;)
Wow. Just... wow. My years of English in no way prepared me for an email of such epic fail.
This sounds funny but more than that, CRAZY. Who the hell is this woman? She sounds like she thinks she is REALLY important...which is kind of scary. And yeah, funny. Maybe she is confusing having "balls" with being batshit crazy. Seriously.
I think you should create a rap from this email! I mean...!!!!!!! (I think lucky 7 is a good # of exclamation points).
And why are there double question marks? Is she canceling out her own question by using two? Is it because she has two balls so must use two question marks? Should I start using two so that my balls and my point get across?? My years of English must have skipped over the multiple punctuation mark session.
What does this even mean? "But no way shape or form did I find your words of years of English helpful or even nice." Like, she doesn't usually deal with people who have years of English? She doesn't have years of English? What are years of English? I'm...so confused. That's just hilarious. Sounds like she's going to need a lot of help in her future years of English and beyond.
My favorite came right out of the gate:
". . .I received it after doing a shoot with a celebrity."
Who the hell cares? OMG that set the tone for the entire email!
And I agree with Jenni--all the !?!?!!!!!!11!!!1! is so childish. Really makes me think this person is 23 and just got a promotion. Still too young to be professional, but has a huge chip on her shoulder because of her pathetic title.
And now I need to confess, I'm actually really upset you passed on this because I was looking forward to some free fashion. *sob*
omg. years of english. that is friggin hilarious.
Wow. This woman seem confused and confounded by proper sentence structure. Perhaps that is why she referenced your "years of English"? To highlight the fact that she has so apparently few in comparison?
I love the "..." leading up to them telling you your "email was OFFENSIVE!!!" I read it as an email drum roll of sorts.
I seriously received an email "pitch" once that said "We've recognized you as a Canadian mommy blogger."
Really? Awesome. Maybe they are talking to me FROM THE FUTURE. Where I somehow end up a) having kids and b) being a Canadian citizen. I hope by this time I also have a pony.
You really ought to be thankful she took the time out of her day "after doing a shoot with a celebrity" to explain to you how it is a publicist's job to hound you inappropriately!
A truly tragic fall from grace indeed.
Wow. (Did you send her a link to this post? Maybe accidentally?)
Seriously, the nerve of this woman! I've know you for a long time and your years of English has always been really really nice...it hasn't been very helpful though, she's got you there.
But she SHOT WITH A CELEBRITY.
I think that counts for something.
If that is what the important blog list is getting sent, I'm afraid to see what the "not-so-important lowly blog list for women and editor considerations" are getting.
Oh wow.
That's all.
I really have no words.
Dying to know what PR firm this was.
I don't even know where to start: the excessive punctuation, the abuse of CAPS, the word "viewers" (hee!), or the just... randomness of it all.
I kind of want to scream "OFFENSIVE!!!" the next time I see you. Can I? You're going to be at BlogHer in August, right?
I never get put on any "important blog list".
Pouts. I could totally play with the misguided PR peeps.
Damn you Metalina, for having all the fun.
OMG, I'm going to the wailing wall to MOURN FOR YOU!
Oh wow. I just. Yeah.
Metalina, did you know that your email was OFFENSIVE *exclamation point* *exclamation point* *exclamation point* *exclamation point* ?
And did you also know that cannot is two words?
And that this bitch is a bitch with balls and is very busy! I AM VERY BUSY!
And, I'd like to know, specifically, which parts you and J have been quoting...
Also, now I just want to call you Thumbelina.
Okay I was laughing after the first WORD.
Metalia! EXCLAMATION POINT!
I always like the pitches calling me a top mommy blogger.
(I don't have kids)
Wow. I can't believe anyone would take time out of their day, busy or not, and write that response. Me thinks that she does not have so many "years of English" and hence did not understand what you said, and what she said in response.
HAHAHAHAH!
that is hilariballs.
seriously. she must be what. 14?
Absolutely dying to know who that came from.
And don't be using any of that fancy English on us!
Geez. That Metalina girl is a real bitch.
Also, I like your years of english of words and stuff. It's pretty much my favorite part of your blog. That and the profound lack of balls.
I'm DYING over here. Your words of years of English!
The number of people who contact for to do free reviews of their shit blows me away. Good for Metalina.
Oh, Metalina. You are fantastic.
wow! and i thought i got a ballsy pitch last week when a company told me they would consider sending me an item (worth less than $3) to review and post about IF i did a trial post for them and it was up to their standards. hah.
This is SO FUNNY! I'm so glad Ali convinced you to post it! Can I now call you Thumbalina? Because that's all I can think of.
The best part isn't like your name is HIDDEN on your blog, it's in the URL. You have to be really stupid to get it wrong.
Oh, silly Metalina.
She wasn't lying...
http://www.flickr.com/photos/joyunexpectedcom/4569141499/
This is awesome in ways that I just cannot enumerate. Awesome.
I got that same pitch and annoying follow-up, which I just went hunting for in my trash bin so I could "out" them. Because taking time out of my busy day and outing people in the comments section of a blog post I'm 3 days late to comment on . . . that's just how ballsy I am, sister.
But then I got too busy to find it because I was doing a shoot with a celebrity.
So this would be a good time to email them regarding the available spot on the important list? Heh.
"IS THAT NOT WHAT PUBLICISTS DO?" I think you may have shifted the axis of her entire world a few degrees to the left. (Also, I'm pretty sure publicists don't, but I hate to sully such a beautifully irate manifesto.)
Oh I just came here from Jess' post, and this is the best thing I've read in a long time.
That person is clearly a dumbass.
You've said what I wanted to say SO many times--as someone who gets countless PR emails a day for her job, they NEVER get it right...it's always Krista, Kristen, Kirsten, but NEVER Kristin--when they just got my name right in the e-mail line above! Annoying!
Amazing. Just amazing. I like how her only true apology was in between her two non-apologies...
Obviously, the correct response from the follow up email would have been to change your name to Metalina and comply faithfully with any and all demands.
Oh wow!!! Thats the funniest, most OTT reply ever!!! Thanks for the laugh :-) I only found you because of Yvonnes Flickr post and link, but, now I'm here, had a look around, and think I'll stay - love your writing style :-)
How did I not comment on this before this exact second?
I just wanted to say, in ALL my years of English (and, there are, like, lots of them), I have never seen such a poor use of ellipses.
As someone who uses them regularly, I found her email OFFENSIVE.
And way to miss out on the super fun fashion, Metalina (You like Slayer, right?), because when everyone else is wearing rompers, and you are NOT, who's going to feel like the loser then, HUH?
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