Earlier today, I had to make a long, complicated call to figure out a question related to a medical bill. A key purpose of my placing this call, naturally, was to patiently listen to instructions, and figure out what the hell I was supposed to do in order to resolve the question. Once again, the question that I had. During the call that I, personally, placed. And after 20 minutes of transferring/holding during the call I made to get an answer to my query, I reached an (ostensibly) helpful agent. I stress all of this because the manner in which I meandered from this task is ridiculous, by any and all standards of responsible adulthood. Observe:
Customer Service Agent: Hello! Can I help you?
Me: Yes, I'm trying to figure out [blah].
CSA: Well, what you have to do is...
Me: [thinking] Oh my god! She sounds exactly like Kermit the Frog! Exactly!
Well, a lady Kermit.
Basically, if Kermit and Miss Piggy ever had a pigfrog baby, and it was a girl, and that pigfrog girl grew up and worked in customer service, she would sound like this.
Does her FAMILY realize this?
If so, do they talk openly about it?
Maybe they're more sly. Maybe they just ask her how she feels about being green, and whatnot. And then try to pass it off as environmental consciousness if she gets suspicious about their snickering.
Wait. Why DIDN'T Miss Piggy and Kermit ever have babies? Is it that Society Is Not Ready for pigfrogs?
We are so narrow-minded. For shame, Society! Embrace the pigfrog! EMBRACE THE PIGFROG.
I want to hear her sing now. How can I get her--
CSA: So, that's what you need to do. Anything else I can help you with today?
Me: Oh, uh...no?
CSA: Okay, then! Have a nice day! *click*
Me: Son of a bitch. PIGFROGGGGGGG!
(Per Avitable's suggestion, I've included an illustration of what I imagine the pigfrog would look like.)
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In the event you wish to see my rant on camping, which includes, but is not limited to, a boy named Smelly Ralph, a bear, stray prosthetic limbs, and a shot of me in Mom Jeans, by all means, read my post at Aiming Low.
If you'd like some tips and color suggestions for the perfect red lipstick, I'm offering up the results of my EXHAUSTIVE search at BlogHer Style.