10 Lessons I Learned From BlogHer '10: Only ONE MUSHY ONE, I SWEAR!

1. If there is ever a time to lose an emotionally and monetarily valuable piece of jewelry (say, one of the diamond earrings your husband gave you five years ago), it's directly before you're going to recite a ridiculous, self-composed rap in front of about 2,000 people. You will notice it's missing, but in relation to what you're about to do, not give a tiny little rat's ass about it at the moment, because you are so nervous you've turned deeply crazy, and are all, WHATEVER, IT WAS PROBABLY A BLOOD DIAMOND ANYWAY AND THE EARTH WAS TRYING TO TAKE IT BACK BECAUSE LEONARDO DICAPRIO AND HIS AWFUL ACCENT ARE ANGRY OR SOMETHING AND WHY DID HE EVEN GET CAST IN THAT ROLE? WHEN DID HE GET ALL DOUGHY? BRING BACK BASKETBALL DIARIES-ERA LEO AND PERHAPS THIS LOST EARRING IS KARMA FOR HATING MOCK TURTLENECKS OH MY GOD I'M GOING TO PEE ON STAGE.

2. Don't wear nice earrings.

3. It's important to be friends with people who --say, when you get locked out of your hotel room together --  rather than bemoan the situation, enthusiastically go along with your plan to recreate an iconic scene from The Shining.

Jenbshaw's PhotoShop Magic.

4. I mean, just for instance. Totally random example, that.

5. On that note, also be friends with people who don't bat an eyelash when you abscond with what is clearly a dog's kerchief from a swag bag, and create an alternate personality for yourself, a Deadwood-era bank robber named Dastardly Pete, with a predilection for gruffly muttering "This town ain't big enough for the both of us."

6. Your friends, are really awesome.

7. It's okay to care what you look like...but proceed wear the same dress two years in a row. Behold! Last year! TA-DOW:



Broad social/sartorial experiment? Result of moving two weeks before and having fallen behind on dry cleaning? I'LL NEVER TELL. Whatever, man. I like that dress, and HAD anyone come over and confronted me about it, well, who would've looked crazy THEN, huh? LAWYERED.

8. Revolving doors are against you. On a related note, you cannot leave BlogHer, ever, without leaving an article of clothing in the hotel. 

9. You're not good at manning the door at a party. Or -- in connection therewith -- properly placing wristbands on partygoers. You will never make it as a carny. Or a bouncer. Or a bouncer-carny.

10. You ain't gonna see everyone. It sucks. So does inadvertently leaving someone's link out of a gushy lovefest, hence my lack of links here. (I loved you, everyone from this weekend! Even you, weird elderly tuxedoed man who appeared as if from nowhere backstage at the Community Keynote and just acted like you belonged there! I like your style!)