As is my custom, with Christmas coming, and so many of you off celebrating with your families, I like to take advantage of the temporary proverbial ghost town of the internet and confess a series of random and shameful things:
1. A Christmas Story is not my favorite Christmas movie. I...don't even really like it, so much. It's...okay? I guess? I feel like this is technically something that you'd call blasphemy, but given that the holiday isn't of my faith, I'll just call it "probably an unpopular opinion." For my money ("For my money?" Who am I? My grandfather? Classy chassis! Hold the wire! Swell!), the best Christmas movies are National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation ("GRACE?" "THE BLESSSSSSING"), and Love Actually.
2. Until I was...well, into the low double digits, age-wise, I believed that an "oil change" involved....
~ wait for it ~
Going to a new gas station, and trying a different brand of gas than you usually did. I'm not certain why I conflated oil and gas, or why I felt brand loyalty was such an integral part of fueling one's car. And the whole formality of an official oil (well, gas) change? I have no idea what was wrong with me. I will, however, attempt to blame this on never pumping my own gas, as I grew up in New Jersey.
3. I will go through entire days without drinking a drop of water.
4. I routinely count on my hands and get butt-clenchingly nervous when I have to calculate, say, a delivery person's tip on the fly.
5. There are times when I'm using my iPhone in my own home on 3G, and feel like toggling down to turn on the WiFi signal (thereby speeding up my phone's performance) is just too much work. This is my new benchmark for laziness in life, and I'm hard-pressed to think of what could possibly surpass it.
6. I cannot pronounce the word "mobile." I genuinely never know when (and/or whether) it's "moble" or "mo-bile" or "mo-beel." It comes up more often then you'd think.
7. Due to seeing a very dark animated version of Rikki-Tikki-Tavi as a child, I have numerous lifelong (apparently) cobra-related fears. Fears that are totally valid here in my New York apartment, which is clearly similar in so many ways to a remote bungalow in an Indian jungle (the story's setting). The latest has me vigorously shaking out my boots before putting them on. You know, JUST IN CASE.
Anything ridiculous you'd like to confess? Go for it!
(And a very Merry Christmas to everyone celebrating!)
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30 comments:
I love you.
I'm not so much of A Christmas Story fan either. Elf and Bing Crosby's White Christmas, though? I adore.
Also, *tiny voice* I've never seen It's a Wonderful Life. GASP
By now everyone probably knows this about me, but I also have an inherent fear of anythig math related. The Stupid Carpet to which I was banished in first grade and the teacher who said I would die in a fire if I didn't know what 7+4 was fast enough in 2nd grade are why I'm not a docor today. I could have cured... ingrown toenails?
And I HATE Ralphie and his damn bebe gun.
Um, I have one: I get numbers and letters confused. Not like, I confuse 3 for F or something...I mean the actual words, "numbers" and "letters." When I was in second(ish?) grade, I answered a question in class and accidentally said "numbers" when I should have said "letters." And everyone laughed at me.
I've never actually mixed up the words again, but ever since whenever either word comes up in conversation I momentarily panic and worry I'll say the wrong one and, once again, everyone will laugh at me. This fear will apparently never leave me, as it's been...awhile, since second grade.
This post is cracking me up. I too sometimes go without a drop of water, and that might explain my current headache. I just read riki tiki tavi to my son last night too funny. I'm airing some festivus grievances today, please stop by if you can. I know you would be able to add a great comment!
YES YES YES ON THE RIKI TIKI TAVI. My hometown public library showed that twice a year to groups of kids, and it left is paralytic with cobra fear.
Also, there was a book called (I kid you not) "Taily-po" that still haunts my dreams. HAUNTS THEM.
I have never even seen A Christmas Story!
I discovered about 30 minutes ago that I've been wearing my underwear inside out all day. This is sadly not the first time this has happened.
These are great! I hate A Christmas Story, too. I want to smack that kid in the face. I love Love Actually and White Christmas and Elf.
I say "moble" for mobile (as in mobility, no?) I'm from Utah though and we say lots of hickish stuff.
I have this absolutely crazy fear that one night when it's dark and quiet and my children are sleeping and my husband is at work, I will sneeze...and a disembodied voice will say, "Bless you." I know it's ridiculous and I have no idea where I even got the idea that this could/would ever happen, but if I ever sneeze when I'm alone, I have a moment of dread while I wait for the bless-you window to pass.
I loved Riki Tiki Tavvi, but it freaked my shit out, too!
I don't think I've ever sat through A Christmas Story in its entirety.
I can't remember the last time I drank water. Was it... Sunday, maybe? I am, however, on my third diet coke of the day.
I might have peed a little over moble/mo-bile/mo-beel.
I hate getting out of bed in the middle of the night because I always get the uneasy feeling that something is going to grab my ankle from under the bed!
When I was much, much younger and heard my older sister talk about make-up tests, I thought there was some subject in school (when you got older and more mature) where you got tested for wearing make-up. I was very thrilled about this.......until, you know, I figured out what it really meant.
The oil change thing is amazing! Let's see...until I was about 15, I thought the magazine Cosmopolitan was pronounced "Cosmopolitician." I'm so embarrassed to think how many times I might have said it WITHOUT SOMEONE CORRECTING ME.
Dude, when Scott and I are were on our HONEYMOON in Borneo, we were taking a nice leisurely walk through the jungle at our resort with a group and I nearly stepped on a black spitting cobra! I thought, "cool!" then ran up to take a picture of it while everyone started yelling at me to back off. I had no idea it was a cobra, then when the guide told me what it was, I responded, "ahhh! like the ones that tried to kill the mongoose in Rikki-Tikki-Tavi!" and everyone looked at me like I was mental.
Glad we're on the same page here.
I cannot pronounce "barbed wire". I have the wire part down, but the barbed comes out as "bowbed".
Seriously.
2 things to confess...well, maybe 3.
1) ever since Old Yeller, I have had a rabid wolf living in the basement (?)terror. Even now at 39, you can't convince the hair standing on the back of my neck that there isn't one in our house.
2. Totally thought, until I married an Irish quasi-farm boy, that a) goats were the boys and sheep were the girls, and that b) ponies were just young horses. still iffy on B.
3. Underneath any staircase is Rikki Tikki Tavi terrorville.
Love your blog!
j.e.g.
It seems we have very similar childhood movie-related fears. COBRAS. My brother and I still quote that movie -- "If you move, I will strike! If you do not move, I WILL STRIKE THE BOY!" They're even more terrifying than Wheelers, because at least Wheelers only live by that one creepy desert that turns people to sand.
I'm totally with you on #6, but here in the south we have a third way - Mob-aisle.
Hilarious. I am with you on Christmas Story AND the pronunciation of "mobile." Although I usually say "mo-bile" in the spirit of that funny lady on Friends who said "ring me on my mo-bile" in an effort to be faux British.
I am a sad "all intensive purposes" person (as opposed to all intents and purposes") until LAST YEAR (age 26!).
Also, I have taught Rikki Tikki Tavi before and showed that animated version and it was SCARY AS ALL HELL. I don't blame you for being afraid.
I think it was in the third or fourth grade when our teacher asked what "semi-annual" meant. My know-it-all hand shot up in the air and I proudly informed the class that it was when an organization PLANNED to have an event annually, but this was the first year, so the couldn't say "annual" yet. I can practically hear my annoying self providing such an elaborate definition to enlighten my peers. There was an awkward silence and then the teacher was like, Um, no. I don't think I raised my hand again for months.
I'm a Miracle on 34th street kind of girl.
I scream every time I see a spider. Even when I'm alone and I have to kill it. Which usually involves poison and large amounts of toilet paper.
I totally judge people or kids with a speech impediment. I think it's horrible of me, but I can't stand the lisping or dropping of letters and think that - adults especially - need to get that crap fixed.
I harbor an insane belief that somebody is living in my house when I am not in it, whether for an hour or a week. Not sure where this came from. My only evidence is that my shower head is sometimes not on the same setting as the last time I used it.
And I love White Christmas.
A Christmas Story is a big deal around here because it's from where I live, but I sometimes forget people in other parts of the country even watch it! So yeah- Love Actually is the best! (Hubs bought the dvd for me this Christmas, and I've already watched all the special features. I don't know what that makes me.)
Also, I just bought the theRiki Tiki Tavi DVD!
Steph
I also love Love Actually - one of my faves for Christmas or anytime! And I can't really pronounce the word 'jewelry' correctly without saying it very slowly and deliberately. Usually it comes out as jew-ree. And it sounds so dumb that mostly I just avoid using that word at all.
Also - I hate going to the bathroom. I think it's a waste of time, and I usually can't be bothered to go until it's a desperate situation. (My 60 year old self hates me, and is currently yelling at me about Depends, I just know it.)
Havent commented since you moved out of the building, but, "for my money", the best Christmas movie of all time, hands down, no questions asked is Die Hard. I dont even think there is a close second.
I believe Nando means DH2.
I hate A Christmas Story. :) And I'm proud of it! heh
I can't even tell you how much I love this. I have never even seen the Christmas Story movie, the 10-15 minutes I catch every year or so make me determined to never watch the entire thing.
You can totally set your phone to automatically go to wifi when it's available. Is there anyone who isn't too lazy to manually change that shit every time?
I can't even tell you the last time I drank straight water. (Don't you dare tell Katie that, don't. you. dare.)
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