I just got the results of my bloodwork from my annual (by which I mean "five years since the last") physical, and my doctor pronounced them "unremarkable," which, yes, is the actual word he used. (When you think about it, however, you truly couldn't ask for a better adjective in this context.)
"Just one thing," he said, "your Vitamin D levels are severely below optimal levels." "What's optimal?" I asked him, and he told me "around 50 whatevers." NOTE: he didn't actually say "whatevers," but I have a tendency to tune out when medical people mention amounts of stuff, so it could've been "millileters," or it could've been "kilowatts" and I would have literally had no clue. "Sure, sounds appropriate," is what I would've said, regardless. This is one of the many reasons I would have made a stunningly horrific doctor. I at least had the presence of mind to ask what my Vitamin D level actually WAS, and he told me "18." EIGHTEEN WHATEVERS, OPTIMAL BEING 50 WHATEVERS.
I promptly freaked out and asked him what I needed to do. "You'll be fine. You should drink more milk [ha!], and need to take some Vitamin D supplements," he assured me. I promised him I'd pick some up as soon as we hung up.
As soon as we hung up, I proceeded to Google "Vitamin D deficiency." I then had to Google "what do rickets look like," and came up with a new diet plan, called the "The Google Image Search of Diseases Diet." (NO STEALSIES, you guys!) I promptly became convinced I had mild rickets. I fell headfirst down the Disease Search Wormhole at that point, and -- in repeatedly poking my leg to see if I had the dreaded Softening of the Bones --may have actually caused a different Vitamin D deficiency side effect, Bone Tenderness. ("Bone Tenderness" will be my band's next single, by the way.)
I decided it would be a perfect time to grab lunch, and took a walk outside (in the glorious, Vitamin-D-giving sunlight). I pulled myself together, and knew what I had to do next. RAISE AWARENESS.
My Vitamin D Deficiency Awareness Twibbon is a very special and glorious rainbow, because all the good colors are taken, and I didn't want to offend, for instance, Lance Armstrong by using solely yellow. I don't know, he could rally, like, a troop of NYC bike messengers to come after me, and those sons of bitches are crazy enough as it is. I say that having nearly been repeatedly been mowed down by them WHILE WALKING ON THE SIDEWALK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON WALKING ON A SIDEWALK. Yes, my Vitamin D Deficiency Awareness Twibbon is basically the Technicolor Dreamcoat of Twibbons. So, there you have it: you're aware, which is pretty much the most important thing. (I'll pick up my new vitamins ANY day now.*)
Twitter Party forthcoming.
*I picked them up!
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22 comments:
I'm probably going to have to change my Facebook status to talk about Vitamin D deficiency awareness now, too, huh?
wait. what? that's not right. who is sportdude?!?!?!?
Who IS SportDude?
Also, you make me laugh. And I miss you.
I was going to ask if I'd have to change my profile picture on Facebook and then make a status update proclaiming my level of awareness for vitamin d deficiency...
But it appears that SportDude beat me to it.
My doctor just told me the SAME thing! Except he left out my exact numbers because he knows how much I obsess about those things and how I'll do something dumb like start tanning in a tanning bed so I can get an A in Vitamin D levels.
My new worry is that I've got some rare disease that won't allow me to absorb Vitamin D, I live in Los Angeles... how could I possibly have a deficiency.
I miss you too.
This is HILARIOUS. Just go get yourself some cod liver oil capsules (seriously, so weird, but proven to do wonders for omega 3's and vitamin D) and eat one with your lunch/dinner/whatevers. you will be set to go.
Too funny!
I was so exhausted this winter that my doctor ran a Vitamin D check and found I was a 6. She gave me mega doses of vitamin D and I go back for a recheck this week. Ironically I had melanoma in 2009 so I've been a crazy person about sunscreen... thus leading me to rickets. Stupid sunscreen.
While I would love to add that twibbon to my twitter picture, it would look slightly better with the words "NO MORE RICKETS!" written across the bottom.
Your doctor isn't exactly correct- normal levels are 30-100 ng/mL, and levels between 15-29 ng/mL are insufficient. Does that make you feel better that you are only insufficient instead of deficient, or did I just rain on your twibbon party? ;-) Last year my level was 22, so I took one 50,000 IU pill once a week for 8 weeks, and that bumped me into the 50s. Now I take 1000 mg/day.
Angela
This is hilarious. I blame this craptastic, long-assed winter for your rickets. Also, doesn't this mean that your health insurance will cover a couple of weeks at a Caribbean resort so you can soak up some Vitamin D? You should look into that!
I think we should get some celebrities together and do a telethon for this, oh so important, issue. Maybe they can sing my original hit, "We are the...Sun".
Could the Twibbon maybe include one of those faux sun lamps?
My girlfriends and I used to all see the same doctor (weird) and she diagnosed us all with Vitamin D deficiencies. Basically, whatever ailment you went in with, you came out with a prescription for Vitamin D droplets with the recommendation that you spread them on crackers. I would have preferred a prescription to Hawaii.
And! Yes, you need a FB status update that says something to the effect of "Do you know someone who rarely sees the sun and is often mopey and quite possibly an Oregonian? If you do, you won't be afraid to make this your status for the rest of the day."
A couple years back, I got a call after my quinquennial (every five years) checkup because my iron levels were low. Apparently the norm is around 40 whatevers (yes, iron levels are measured in whatevers too)and mine were around 3. Except I swear I heard him say 30 whatevers, so I walked around for a week thinking he was kind of a crazy person for acting like this was a big deal and needed to be addressed immediately, until I got my results in the mail. Also, it is really not comforting to hear your dr say that he normally would not recommend taking the high dose he's giving you, since it can be poisonous, but he thinks its necessary considering your incredibly low levels. You basically tune out everything after he says poisonous.
Thank you for making me aware of the menace of Vitamin D. I'm hoping that living in sunny southern Cal will protect me, but if I get any of that bone tenderness, I'll definitely get it checked out.
of COURSE I just felt my legs for weak bones...lol
Hahaha. I totally do that. I call it Cyberchondria.
I'm wearing a brown bra for Vitamin D deficiency! Because brown is the color you turn when you're tan and have enough Vitamin D from sunlight!
That Twibbon is super fantastic.
You are of course always hilarious, but the part of this post that made me laugh the hardest was your asterisked addendum at the very end that you have indeed picked up your vitamins.
Victory!
Yay! my picture!
Furthemore, HA! "ooh, la la"
Oh hilarious. I had the same thing happen to me and probably OD on Vitamin D (with probiotics!) every day... but I must say they are my happy pills and have made me feel so much better!
Steph
Oh, PS, I didn't even get to google the vitamin deficiency thing because when the doctor told me my levels were severely low, he said "like RICKETS low."
Guess I should snag that twibbon now.
Steph
I just had to jump in to reply to your doctor calling your results unremarkable, because I had a similar situation. I had an MRI done of my brain (crazy dizzy spells FTW!), and a few days later, a nurse called to tell me that the doctor found my results to be "unimpressive." He found the images of my BRAIN to be unimpressive?! I told people that surely what he meant to say was that my brain was a thing of wonder and beauty that thankfully did not have any significant issues ;)
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