If you follow me on Twitter, you know I had a full-on Episode last night, upon seeing what I have come to determine is the worst commercial ever made:
I caught it on TV, and promptly fell down a YouTube Wormhole of Horror, filled with repeat viewings, things I cannot unknow (the characters have actual names, and they are Sean and Lisa), and YouTube comments I cannot unsee ("Thanks for showing me my dream man/dream proposal!!!!!" "This made my uterus smile." "I now have a cupboard full of Fancy Feast......and I don't even have a cat!!! lol."
Obviously, I have some questions.
2. No, like, really? For rill, rill.
3. Okay, well. When did Shia LeBeouf get so old?
4. Why does his girlfriend think a spangled halter top and a spangled-yet-mumsy-cardigan pair well together?
5. Is she...YES. She's more excited to see the cat than her parents. That's...something.
6. When you bring a guy home for dinner to meet your parents, do you all refrain from speaking, and simply exchange Meaningful Looks Whilst Chewing? Is this a thing now?
7. Because, I mean, to me, that would be a weird date, and I say that having been ambushed into a date by a guy, driven across state lines, introduced to his family, and then serenaded by him with an original song entitled "Pleasure Me Orally."
8. TRUE STORY.
9. The way Shia is staring at either the mom or the cat is...well, it's unwholesome, is what it is. But WHICH ONE IS IT? Mystery! Or MEOWstery! (Okay, I'll stop now.)
10. I'm so glad Shia has redecorated that extra room as a Cat Room. It's both relatable and a clever use of space.
11. Painting it burnt orange is smart and necessary, since everyone knows that's the official Cat Favorite Color! (What?)
12. A goddamn fabric couch to accent Cat Room. Well, that's just straight-up nonsense.
13. OMG HE HUNG UP A PICTURE OF A CAT IN CAT ROOM. JUST IN CASE YOU WEREN'T SURE WHERE YOU WERE.
14. Why is she so surprised about Cat Room? Even if they weren't living together, you're telling me she NEVER came over? Never saw Cat Room in the making?
15. Fine. FINE. So we'll just SUPPOSE he closed the door while he was making Cat Room a reality. YOU wouldn't be weirded out if your significant other had a secret room he didn't let you enter? Are we in some crazypants cat-themed Merchant-Ivory adaptation?
16. WILL YOU MARRY US. OMFG.
17. Well, at least we know who Shia was creepily ogling before.
18. Worst. Commercial. Ever.