I've always prided myself on my live-and-let-live parenting attitude. Cry it out? Okay! Whatever the current opposite of that is? Sure! Formula from Day One? Whatever works for you! Breastfeeding until your kid is four? Sure! No TV? A'ight! Steady stream of Nick Jr.? Fiiiiiine! I am the honey badger of caring about these things, basically!
I am rapidly realizing, though, that I have One Parenting Thing which makes me Hulk-like with rage. There are obvious situation, sure, like seeing kids not properly restrained in moving cars, or parents smoking all up in their kids faces, but this, while not life-threatening in any way, still makes me have uncontrollable, angry-judgy eyes.
I speak of parents taking their kids to horrifically inappropriate films. By way of background, I grew up with relatively strict parents. I was only allowed to see PG-13 movies once I WAS 13, and even then -- EVEN THEN! -- they had to vet them first. With that in mind, though, is there any reason you can think of which explains why two seemingly mentally sound parents would take their baby and toddler to a 10:20 PM showing of The Hangover II?
I saw them in line, and found myself staring at them in abject, open-mouthed disgust, quietly muttering "REALLY?" to J. Because the thing is, there is ACTUALLY NO EXCUSE FOR IT. I'm not great at typing up flow charts, but rest assured, if I WAS, all signs would point to NO EXCUSE/THESE PARENTS ARE ASSHOLES. Let's dissect:
~ It's 10:20.
~ You KNOW going in that the movie is going to be inappropriate for kids. And if you haven't already seen it, believe you me, this is AGGRESSIVELY inappropriate for kids.
~ If you don't have a babysitter, DON'T GO. If a babysitter is too expensive, DON'T GO. It's The Hangover II, not your sister's wedding.
~ There were already, like, 472 loud, fratty jerks in the theater, and that baby was louder than all of them. Not the baby's fault, obviously, but COME ON.
~ I started overthinking things, and feeling guilty for everyone involved -- Zach Galifianakis, the guy who sells the popcorn, the projectionist, me -- because we were all complicit, somehow, in this couple's horrible parenting decision.
I think I missed half the movie because of the loud baby and my overthinking, but also because I was very busy having Imaginary Uncharacteristically Confrontational Discussions with the parents of these kids. Just a whole lot of "the jerk store called, they're running out of you" type stuff, complete with the "you should be ASHAMED of yourselves" kicker.
I of course said nothing, even when we saw them strolling on out after the movie, but I...well, I feel no guilt for my judging this scene. This isn't the first time I've seen crap like this, though, and I'm wondering when/if I would work up the courage to ever say anything, and if so, what I would actually say. What about you? Do you have any parenting stuff that sets you off? Would you -- unlike scaredy-cat me -- have said something if you saw this? I must know!
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31 comments:
But....but......
we REALLY wanted to see it, and we figured Braden and Myckinzie were still totally mellowed out from the jaeger shots i'd taken before feeding them earlier, so they wouldn't MIND A 10:20 showing.
DO NOT JUDGE. Y'ALL ARE HATERS.
Signed,
A BIG Zach Galifanakis Fan
Can't top anonymous first comment, but my husband and I went to see Bridesmaids Saturday night and there was a kid about 4 years old behind us, with what appeared to be his mother and grandmother. I took the passive aggressive route, saying loudly to husband as we passed them, "What are people thinking, bringing a child to this movie??"
I would have done the same thing, quietly seethed/complained to my husband without confronting them. That kind of thing just does not compute with me. I don't think I'd ever have the guts to say anything because although a horrifically bad decision, I can't bring myself to interfere unless it's a life-threatening, dangerous situation.
I am horrified, appalled, and judging. But I wouldn't have said anything, and, honestly, a confrontation wouldn't have accomplished anything anyway. I always fantasize about such things too, though, and in my fantasies, the offender says, "YOU ARE RIGHT! How could I have thought it was OK to bring a child to this movie/lean on my horn because you didn't run the red light/throw trash on the ground as though it were my personal trash can. I am a changed person!"
But I'm pretty sure it doesn't go like that in real life, more's the pity.
I don't have kids so I'm always careful about not stepping too far into Judgey McJudgerson territory. However, I loathe these type of situations too because even I know better. A few years back we saw the same thing - a late weekend showing of Clerks II and this lady walks in with her toddler and, this is the kicker, one that looked to be about 12. And I sat agape at this because ok, young kids can ruin a movie and be disruptive and probably pick up things here and there but a 12-yr old is absolutely capable of at least processing and absorbing the things on screen and if any of y'all have seen Clerks II well you all know WHY a 12-yr belongs no where near this movie. I didn't say anything, of course, because I was fairly certain anyone who had the audacity to bring their young child to a movie like that probably had no problem taking out her earrings and busting me in the jaw right there in front of her kids. But seriously, who does that?? Idiocracy - it's not just a movie!
I would not say anything as well but I would totally be judging and whispering to my boyfriend about it. Once I saw a family leaving Walmart around 1 AM or so and I thought that was rather wrong as well, unless they worked the night shift! We, unfortunately, have housemates and they do ridiculous things late at night with a 3 year old and then go around saying "he never sleeps!" Of course not! You LET him!
I wouldn't have said anything (big wimp), but WOW! I've never even seen parents taking small children into R movies. And, I agree, HO II is comnpletely innapropriate for children. (Of course, I laughed my head off). I wouldn't even take my mom to this movie (who was also ultra strict with movies).
It was the ten thirty showing of Fight Club and the three kids were about eight, four, and one. I was disgusted. They sat right behind us and the mother gave the baby her keys to entertain him. Her LOUD keys. We left, I am pretty sure my husband said something passive aggressive.
But, no, I didn't say anything. I always figure it won't do any good because these bad parents have already provided justification to themselves in their heads. Like the baby is always up anyway and they won't understand what's going on. (Which, by the way, I don't AGREE with, I just figure that is how these parents tell themselves that it is okay.)
i doubt i would have said anything, if anything i would have just obsessed about confronting them the whole time. while i think they are TOTALLY FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD unfortunately they have the right to parent their kids as weird-ly as they like.
(i saw this original discussion on twitter, i was the one who saw little kids taken to pan's labyrinth. that's clearly a whole different thing than the hangover II, where they didn't vet the movie at all and thought oh look! fairies! but yeah... equally inappropriate for youngsters. there were also kids in the theater when we went to see 300. WHY, WHY?!?!)
Once upon a time, I took my 10-week old infant to a matinee of...something?...at 2:00 in the afternoon a weekday at the cheap show, because I was going out of my mind being at home, and said 10-week-old infant was happy to nurse for 2 hours straight in a dark room. And he did nurse for two hours straight, and there were 2 other people in the whole theater, and I still felt a little weird about it. But that said, I guess I could see brining a tiny infant to an R rated movie if said infant would sleep and nurse the whole time. I cannot possibly conceive of taking a TODDLER to a 10PM showing of a movie. I can't even begin to imagine what kind of thought process went into that. Can't wrap my head around it even a little, except to come to the conclusion that some people are really really stupid and really really rude.
I will see your Hangover II and raise you this: Back in 2000 or so, when The Exorcist was rereleased in theaters, my husband and I went to see it one afternoon and there was a couple in there who brought their 2-year-old. A TODDLER. AT THE EXORCIST.
Worse than the baby/toddler...I went to see the Hangover II this weekend also, and we saw SEVERAL parents with kids around 8 or 10 years old - old enough to actually UNDERSTAND some of the wildly inappropriate stuff that went on in that movie. I spent the whole movie trying to catch the eyes of the parents so I could give them stern, judgy, disapproving looks.
I sat behind a four or five year old in that last Batman movie. The one with the ridiculously disturbing Joker (God rest Heath Ledger). I had nightmares from that and I read horror novels.
I try to never judge about time kids are out, because I once knew a family where the parents work schedule was such that if they hadn't switched the kids' schedule to sleep in the day and be up at night, they would have never seen them awake. It quit working when they got to school age, though. Of course, this is not an excuse for taking them to ridiculously inappropriate movies.
I have TWO Facebook friends who said they were taking their kids to The Hangover. I was SHOCKED. The kids are 8 and 12. I mean, not THAT shocked because they're also the ones who bring them to bars and have let the kids watch "Family Guy" since they were 6 years old. But jeez.
Oh, and I do have a hilariously ballsy friend who yelled "Can you PLEASE take your baby outside?" after we listened to it scream for 45 minutes. LOVE HER.
My parents were the exact same way with me as yours were. If I see someone with little kids in a movie like that, I actually say something like that, but I have no problem being Mr. Confrontational.
When I saw the Hangover 2, there was a grandmother in front of me, dressed very primly, with two grandkids that were probably 16-17. I cringed the entire. Fucking. Time.
I have this same judgy trigger point and get RED HOT RAGEFUL about it.
We saw the second to last Pirates of the Caribbean, the one that starts with people walking to their deaths? In a public HANGING?!
Yeah, that one.
Right in front of us was a family with a toddler (who promptly fell asleep) and five year oldish kid who started crying and begging to go home and then later, kept telling his dad he had to pee. RIGHT NOW DAD. PLEASE?
This went on and on and on.
And my husband, god bless him, leaned forward and said "I can take him to the bathroom if you're TOO BUSY".
W. T. H.
@LawMommy -- I just went to an early, cheap matinee of Jane Eyre, and a mom came in with her infant, who nursed or slept the whole time. We were the only two people in the theatre. I didn't think it was even a tiny bit inappropriate.
Can't believe all these other comments. How horrible. Don't know if I'd have the courage to say anything, except in the case of the kid begging to go to the bathroom.
What is wrong with people??!!! I'm all worked up now...
I don't even remember what movie my husband and I were leaving, but it was around midnight and we watched a family of four - two kids around 8 or 10 - walk out of Rob Zombie's Halloween. I stopped walking and just stared at them all mouth agape.
It was very weird to read this post because the exact same thing happened to me this weekend. Saturday night my husband and I went to see The Hangover 2 (in the Midwest though) and a couple brought their 4 year old and a 2 year old with them. I was shocked. And I didn't say anything. But, they walked in right before the movie was about to start and the theater was packed. I swear that the room went completely silent when people saw them standing there with those two kids. It's just crazy that someone would think that was an appropriate thing to do.
Oh yes. This gets my judgey pants all in a wad. I might have sought out the manager of the theater. How can kids be allowed in a movie like that? Crazy talk.
When we saw Saving Private Ryan a looong time ago I remember a 5-year-old boy being there with his dad. The movie was SO violent and graphic, and I was so peeved, but I didn't say anything. Now that I'm a parent, I think I might, but who knows.
In these instances I don't think about a person ''judging,'' it is about having the better ''judgment'' of a situation.
I, myself, do not watch movies as an adult that include nudity, extreme vulgarity, or violence. Nor would I ever allow my children to, especially at such a young age. Although some may be funny, or whatever, to me it is not about that, it is about what may be best for me.
These parents who allow their children to see movies that are completely inappropriate for them, are the parents I fear most. If they allow this, what else are they allowing at home?
Funny enough, I saw two children UNDER THE AGE OF 5 laughing and poking a stick into a magpie bird who was obviously unable to fly. As I drove by, I made a quick decision to do something about it. No parents were to be seen. By the time I backed my car up, the children had hit the bird until it lay DYING on the ground. I wanted to yell, but I calmly asked them if that was where they lived, they said no. They were in someone else's yard people, not even their own. I then stated to these children, ''This is not funny. This is a living thing. We do not hurt living things. Please do not ever hit an animal again.'' They ran to their home across the way, and I followed them. I had to make a quick decision. I could be completely rude, mean, and angry speaking to these parents, or I could PRAY for something to get through to their heads. I mean what 3 to 5 year old beats a bird to death with a stick and laughs about it? Is this a mass murderer in the making? Anyway as I explained what had happened, the one mom started yelling at her daughter, who retreated and quickly started crying. I had another realization about what might be happening in this child's home and said, ''Look. I don't want you to punish her. I want you to teach her. Help her understand that hurting living things is not okay. Can you do that for me?" Will this parent? Probably not, but I felt that being in a community it is my duty to say something. How many times do we not ''say something'' and something horrible happens? When will we stand up for what is right? Even when it is ''just'' an inappropriate movie? When we will say, "This is not okay, whether you like it or not?"" I mean what are we afraid of? The ignorant person who is teaching their young ones to be desensitized to society? Don't we have enough of this desensitization and degradation of our society enough? And then we complain. We complain when 11-year olds are having sex, when there is teenage drinking, when kids are overdosing on drugs because they are not taught to have limits. They are simply not taught to have a value system.
And don't tell me that I am too uptight, I would rather raise good, obedient, kids who know right from wrong then some kids who might end up in a terrible situation because he didn't know how to make good judgment choices.
I would hope that many of you feel the same.
Metalia, I understand why you didn't say anything because that is a difficult situation for anyone to face. I mean my friend thought I was CRAZY for telling their parents about the bird. But I guess I am. I guess I just hope for a better place where people can take responsibility for their actions like those moviegoers should have.
So there you have it. That's my story. By the way, the parents thanked me and I did not get one swear word my way. I am not saying that will happen every time, but I really had to respond. It had sickened me.
Love reading your blog even though I have no idea who you are. You give me quite a few laughs.
Yeah, I saw a 10:30 showing of Bridesmaids this past Saturday night, and there was a mom with her toddler. The kid did fall asleep a few minutes into the movie, which only really proves your kid should have been home in bed.
A few years ago, we saw a 9:00ish Sherlock Holmes. A couple came in with two children,who could not have been older than 5 and 7,came in with them. It wasn't the most awful movie relative to some of the ones that others have mentioned (exorcist? What is wrong with people??) but it did have some violence/suspense and was too late for these kids to be out. The worst part about the whole thing was seeing the family pile into a pickup truck when the movie was over. There was not a child seat in sight.
This is a big pet peeve of mine. I accept that people have the right to decide when their child is ready to see some movies - my 5 year old would do totally fine at Thor. But when it's an adult themed comedy or drama, or the child is very young? I feel like it's WAY distracting beyond whether it's appropriate for viewing or not. The kid is most likely going to be bored/fussy, and it's taking away from other people's viewing experiences.
This drives me insane. When we saw Paranormal Activity there were at least 10 kids under the age of 10 WITH THEIR PARENTS there. I'd probably have judged less if they'd snuck in.
While I do not hesitate to tell talkers to, "Quiet the eff down, I didn't pay $15 to hear you talk," or shut down texters with a pointed look and loud cough, the closest I've ever gotten to saying something is saying loudly (and by that I mean, just above a whisper), "Well, that's wildly inappropriate."
Keep your bad parenting at home. Like my parents did. heh
I recall there being young children present when I went to Pulp Fiction, Seven, and 8mm (you know, the Nick Cage movie about snuff films). All of them were old enough to be cognizant of what was happening on the screen. I was dumbfounded.
I also worked at a drive-in movie theater for a period of time, and people naturally brought kids along (since everyone under 12 was free, which is obviously cheaper than a babysitter). Even if we were showing nothing but R-rated movies, there would be kids all over the place. I distinctly remember one woman bringing her 8-year old granddaughter to see Blade. Yeah, I really don't get it.
That is one of my pet peeves and has happened to me quite a few times. It is extremely rude to other moviegoers because the baby almost always cries (and no wonder, PG-13 and R movies often have loud action scenes) and the toddler almost always talks the whole time because they are bored and tired. I feel sorry for the kids too because it is not going to be enjoyable for them and definitely not something they should be watching! I usually don't say anything because I hate confrontation, but always wish that I would have. We even stopped going to our theater for awhile because it was so bad - I even considered writing a letter to the owners. I don't know about where you are, but I think part of the problem here is that the parents don't have to buy a ticket for the baby/toddler! I say, make them buy a ticket and then see if they still want to bring their kids to the movie. Let me be clear - I only feel this way about late and/or inappropriate movies for children.
reading this actually makes me all hot/nauseous/mad. I would have spent the entire movie fantasy-telling them off. It honestly would have ruined the entire movie for me. People are SCREWED UP. I totally acknowledge that I'm raising a couple of 4-year old media sissies, but the only movie they're gonna see this summer is "Winnie the Pooh". And they'll freakin' love it.
I try not to get upset or judgmental when I see kids out late for a few reasons...
~ you never really know the circumstances that has someone out at Wal-Mart at 1am with their 2 year old (sick kid, single parent, etc.)
~ some people just have different schedules (my aunt homeschooled her four kids and her husband worked a later shift; they often went to bed later and woke up later than the rest of the world but accomplished a lot when during their day)
As for taking kids that young to a inappropriate movie there really is no excuse; the parents are just being selfish
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