A spider-infested, china doll-filled lighthouse, inhabited by a clown, located in a zoo, which broadcasts a running loop of heroin injection scenes from Trainspotting and Requiem for a Dream, that one episode of Webster where he gets lost in the secret passage in his house, and the part of Follow That Bird! where the Dodos tell Big Bird that HE is a dodo now, all interspersed with sounds of people grouting tile, and getting fabric caught in drawers.
And you?
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a pap smear.
A roomful of children popping balloons.
Swimming in the dead center of the ocrean while being circled by sharks. Picking up a terra cotta pot and having my nails scrape the sides. Someone accidently yanking my dangly earrings out and ripping my lobes. Being the only one in a swimming pool. Moving into a house and then finding out it's haunted. Having a dangly foot over the edge of the bed.
(All those literally made me shudder. GAK.)
Me in a tank filled with cold water and sharks, people watching wearing black pants with brown shoes, while clipping their toenails and whistling simultaneously. The only TV channels are FOX News, the Golf channel, and Lifetime, and the only food available is raisins, onions, and bloody meat.
BUT WHERE IS MOMBI?
My hands spontaneously flying into bicycle wheels as they move, and losing digits--or, losing a pinky because someone ice-skated over it. And being forced to stand next to my bed because I know the beasties from Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (original) are going to reach out and grab me and pull me under.
Is that what you're going for? Because my mind goes to these things far too often!
JenW
Someone eating tuna fish, then vomiting, then crunching a cotton ball in my ear. I would cry forever. (Guess who?)
Is that Webster episode the one where there is that rocking chair in the attic or whatever??
My most recent one is standing too close to the edge of the platform and someone running past me and accidentally pushing me onto the EL tracks and dying by electrocution on the 3rd rail.
Oh man, I had completely blocked that scene from Follow That Bird! That was possibly my first movie-induced freak-out of my young life!
Bats. Bats...on a plane. Bats...circling my head while something ominous touches my leg whilst swimming in the ocean*. Bats...joining me a coffin accidentally buried alive? Bats in my shower (wait, that one already happened and it was TERRIFYING, which is probably why bats are playing so prominently in this recitation.) Running into the one who got away while I am still 50 lbs heavier than when he was in love with me (and he would probably have a d*&m bat in his pocket when it happened.)
*I actually really love swimming in the ocean, I just like the water to be clear enough to see anything menacing below...
Hanging over the edge of a tall building with spiders crawling on me while watching someone attempt to take my son and knowing there was nothing I could do.
Getting arrested while on vacation in a foreign country for a crime I didn't commit and having to remain in jail forever because no one believes me or speaks English. Basically that "Locked Up Abroad" show.
Tripping while walking on cement and my arms don't move fast enough to save me and my teeth crush inwards into my mouth.
I don't even think I NEED to answer this one.
obviously it involves vomiting clowns. And creepy twins.
Being chased by an empty wheelchair down a narrow hallway (a la The Changeling) while grotesque clowns and scary looking librarians are prowling about. The phone rings, which somehow I am able to answer despite escaping from the aforementioned wheelchair, and some creepy voice asks me, "Have you checked the children?" Then I realize I have forgotten to pick up my children from school.
I may have just peed my pants.
What about intruders? That Twitter post about Guy Fiettti. I just about died. I was all, Oh, Guy Fierrri. I totally thought the same thing when he says that on his show- um, nothing was on. Anyway, Guy Fiettti, whispering tender by my window while someone is sliding their silverware on a plate. David Lynch, are you listening?
Meeting a Wheeler (Return to Oz, you are RIDICULOUS) in real life. I mean, seriously, what IS this nonsense? (You know, beyond completely and utterly traumatizing.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WM0RFE3QGAU
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