The Endless, Rambling Disney Post I'm SURE You've Been Waiting For

We're back from Disney World! For starters, thank you all so much for the great plane and park-related advice. And now that I've experienced it, I have some advice of my own. Also, pictures, and useless observations:

BEFORE YOU GO:

If you have a princess-obsessed daughter, go to the Disney Store before you leave. There, you can let her pick out a princess/fairy/enchanted gnome queen costume for a fraction of the price it will cost you in the park itself. The park is TEEMING with little princesses, all dolled up in their own fancy dresses, and it's easier to have this in your suitcase for when your daughter notices this, and wants to be one, too. Which will happen. I have a Tangled lover on my hands, as you can see. This was basically the highlight of her life, and I may have gotten a little teary, myself:

• Shit be expensive in the parks. Order a case of water and other essentials from a local grocery delivery service. I am in no way receiving any compensation for this, but we used Garden Grocer. They make a point of the fact that they deliver to Disney resorts, and the stuff gets there whenever you want it to (provided you order with sufficient advance time). Having cold water and other snacks on hand, and in our bags before we headed out for the day was so convenient. 

• Location, Location, Location. If you can stay on-premises, do it. We were in a great suite at The Bay Lake Towers, in the Contemporary (we went with my parents, who are awesome), which I highly recommend. The rooms, views and the pool were great...

...it was under a ten minute walk to the Magic Kingdom, and the monorail runs right through the lobby, which, in addition to the convenience factor, will blow your kids' MINDS. 
  
WHEN YOU GET THERE

• Get a stroller, oh my god, get a stroller. It just makes everything easier. Also, while I did not procure leashes for my kids, I did tape our last name and cell phone number inside their shirts each day, with the instructions that if they somehow got lost, that they should find someone with a name tag and show them the tape. (It didn't happen, THANK GOD.)

• Fireworks strategery. Fireworks are beautiful and magical, and also the main viewing area (in front of Cinderella's castle) where everyone congregates is a horrifically frightening crowded deathtrap with no lights (they turn them off for the show).  Basically, you are probably going to get pickpocketed and/or pregnant, is how close you are crammed in to the people next to you. Instead, watch the fireworks from BEHIND Cinderella's castle, right by the carousel. There is basically NO ONE THERE, you can pull up a chair from the (empty) restaurant-thing, and enjoy. And the view is still great. See?

Okay, that's about it in terms of useful advice. And now, for some useless observations!


USELESS OBSERVATIONS/STUFF

• People are weird. Can we talk, for a brief moment, about how super weird it is to see adults waiting in line to meet, say, Ariel and Prince Eric (somehow this was weirder with the "real" people characters, as opposed to, say, Pluto), and then having lengthy and earnest conversations with them? And then getting their autographs? For this is super weird.

• Your children may not have the same irrational childhood fears as you. Donald Duck's beak: Not scarring a new generation!

  

 

• You can, however, develop new fears. Getting stuck on Spaceship Earth next to a humanoid moving animatronic...thing for an excess of two minutes will haunt me for a very long time.

• FINE. FINE. I WILL READ HARRY POTTER. YOU WIN, SOCIETY.

 

• Sometimes, a little self-imposed time out is a good thing.

 

All in all, I can say without a shred of irony that it was the best vacation I've ever had. I've been lucky to have gone on some great trips, and visited some beautiful places, but for pure feel-good, cheek-hurting smile enjoyment, oh my word, Disney with your kids is where it's at.

And We Didn't Even Have to Win the Super Bowl!

My friends, in less than two weeks, this is happening:

I recorded the kids' immediate reaction, but it was very sad and hilarious (sadlarious?) because they have no in-depth concept of time. ("Oh! Cool. We're going WHEN WE GET BIGGER??" "No, but REALLY SOON, guys." "We're going TONIGHT?!" "Oh, forget it.")

Once they understood a little bit more about when they were going, and what exists there, we were all very, very excited.

J has been to Disney World once in his life, as a seven year old, so he basically remembers nothing.
 I, on the other hand, have been a number of times, all noteworthy in their own right:

Age 2: Meet Donald Duck. Proceed, per family legend, to have horrific, shriek-filled nightmares, all centering around Donald Duck's beak for the remainder of the trip.

Age 5: Apparently in a ballerina stage, I wore a series of leotards throughout the trip, and the only good picture of me is with the fat wolf sheriff from Robin Hood. This will become a theme.

Age 15: My grandparents took our entire family on a Disney cruise with a stop in the World itself, to celebrate a milestone anniversary. So nice, right? Yeah, QUID PRO QUO: We all had to wear matching oversize silk-screened t-shirts with a family picture, and "THE [LASTNAME] CLAN" emblazoned on it in red, 987-point font. Again, I was 15. Imagine, if you will, the vision of me, in a XL shirt, bloused out of pinstriped jorts, and Doc Martens, with matte raisin-colored lipstick, braces, and an expression like a hobo just shat on my shoes. RESPLENDENT.The only good picture of me is with an elderly man and Jafar, side by side.

Age 17: As I've mentioned in the past, I went to a very religious private all-girls high school. Somehow, we convinced them to allow us to go to Disney World for our senior trip. What they lacked in a bare collarbone/elbow/knee tolerance policy, they made up for in trip choice-related laxity. The only good picture of me is directly after I was felt up by the fat monkey from the Jungle Book. Do you see my arm positioning? PROTECTING MY BIDNESS. My modestly-attired high school self was scandalized!

Age 21: This was a time of my life punctuated by numerous good decisions, chief among them -- at least during my trip to Disney World -- getting my face painted like a toddler and purchasing a beaded, sparkly crown and prancing around like a fancy lady-slash-idiot.

Age 31: AIEEE! This is the second time we are taking the kids on a plane trip, and the last time was over two years ago. So, this could be a breeze, or I could want to off myself mid-flight. O, THE EXCITING MYSTERY OF IT ALL! And so, I ask you: what are your tried-and-true flight distractions for young kids (a 5 y.o. and a 3 y.o., to be specific), aside from the obvious (DVD player, snacks, tranq darts)?

Also, we are so thrilled about taking the kids to the park, and have plans about what we THINK would be good, in terms of schedules/attractions/rides, but --again -- what do you know that I don't? If you've gone to Disney World (and/or any similar gigantor park) Were there any things that were a huge hit (or a disastrous horrorshow) with your young kids? Do I bring a stroller for my five-year-old? WILL I GET PTSD FROM DONALD DUCK'S BEAK? Lay your knowledge on me!

Y Winner!

And the winner of the Y Me! giveaway is...

#4, Beverley! Congratulations, Beverley! Please email me (metaliablog [AT] gmail [DOT] com), and the print will be on its way.