She Is TOTALLY FINE, By The Way, Let Me Lead With That

Last Wednesday night, I had just put the kids to sleep, and was pulling out hair products to write a very important post (no doubt). And so when Lo told me her tummy hurt, and asked me to come in and rub it, I, uh, rolled my eyes, and took my time walking down the hall to her. Before you think me a heartless soul, please understand that while I'm certain that your children are all very wonderful, mine are the best...at bedtime procrastination. They could medal in it. ("My teeth aren't sleepy yet." remains the gold standard here.) I asked her where it hurt, she waved toward her lower left side, and as my hand touched touched the spot, I honestly jumped back. Because I wasn't prepared.

The best way I can describe the lump I felt is to tell you to imagine that someone's finger was pushing through from the other side. Or -- if you've ever had a baby -- the way their tiny elbow juts up and out, like they're trying to burst through, a la Alien. I snapped on her light, and asked her when it had started hurting, barely waiting for an answer. I started making calls. J (who was at a Knicks game, flew home in record time), my parents (for babysitting, in case I needed to dash with her to the ER). and the pediatrician, who, after hearing my description, asked me to take some pictures and email them to him (GENIUS). A pediatric surgeon was involved (he saw the pictures, too, and it was agreed we'd meet him at the ER first thing in the morning).

I had thought -- three hours ago, before all this -- that when I was going into that room, I were going to give an extra kiss, maybe get some more water, not, feel some horrifying mystery mass in my kid's side.

The ER was a blur of kind, calm, efficiency. I'd like to say that I myself was the picture of maternal, calm, efficiency, but the truth is I was a mess on the inside. I felt informed, but powerless, as I sat there smiling, listening, returning emails, and following instructions, my brain a paralyzing loop of WHATIFWHATIFWHATIF. After numerous doctors and nurses examined her, a series of potential diagnoses and directions (Hernia! Not hernia! Thrombosed vein! Lipoma! "PLEASE DON'T LET HER EAT WE MAY NEED TO OPERATE"), two ultrasounds, the surgical consult, and a lot of waiting, they determined it was a hematoma, which basically boils down to this: it was harmless. You get an injury that could result in a black-and-blue mark, but instead of being an actual black and blue mark, it turns into a scary mass of blood under the skin, inside the tissue, hence the scary lump. It could have happened from anything, they told us. She could've walked into the corner of a low table at school, or fallen on a toy, but regardless, it was going to be okay: they told us it should clear up on its own, no surgery necessary (and sure enough, it's already getting better).


It's been almost a week now, she's fine, and now that a little time has passed, the drumbeat of the WHATIFWHATIFWHATIF has subsided. There are, as we know, no guarantees with this whole parenting thing, but I'm just so very thankful this particular episode ended how it did.*

* Which was, to be precise, with her leaping around her room, asking me to be a baby bee, and that she would be my mommy bee, and that she was going to make me, her baby bee, some "beautiful soup."

I've never been happier to be a baby bee.

A List of Seven Things I Recently Bought and Wholeheartedly Endorse

I have this thing where if I buy something and I love it, I don't shut up about it, and want to share it with the world, so we can all hold hands and frolic, whilst enjoying the magical wonder of it all. If I worked for the UN, there would be peace, is what I'm saying, because I have all the solutions.

So:

1. NARS LIPSTICK IN DAMAGE My color blind dad is obviously doing the color descriptions at Sephora, because "sheer muted grape" this is not. It is, however, super pretty. If I could pick a perfect, ideal lip color, this would be it. Pinky, sheer perfection. Here I am, wearing it. (New hair color, what up.)

2. HARNEY & SONS HOT CINNAMON SUNSET TEA It's somehow naturally sweet (cinnamon? Witchcraft? Who am I to say?), and so it doesn't need any honey. It also has a bit of a kick. If you don't like cinnamon, this probably isn't for you. (Come on, cinnamon haters, wouldn't it have been awesome if I tried to convince you otherwise, all, I PROMISE YOU WILL LOVE THIS TEA THAT IS ACTIVELY CALLED " HOT CINNAMON SUNSET"? Like people always do to me with their raisin-centric dish, the one they are certain will shake me of my raisin-hating ways? STOP WITH THE RAISINS. IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. The cinnamon is the raisin of this situation, in case that was unclear.)

3. JOHN FRIEDA FULL REPAIR PROTECTING ROOT LIFT FOAM Two things you should know about me: 1. I judge beauty products by their scent. Like, it's a key factor in my decision-making process, despite whatever extreme efficacy said beauty product might have. 2. I have a large stockpile of pricey, college tuition-costing beauty products at home, but I have a small MacGyver-like bag of drugstore accoutrements in my office at work to account for most beauty/fashion-related situations there. Well, three things: I am afraid of lighthouses. Bearing all of this in mind (minus the lighthouses, but I really wanted to make sure I was giving you the full picture), I recently stumbled across this stuff at Rite-Aid, and you guys, it smells SO GOOD. I keep it in my desk drawer, and it punches up my hair/roots, but in a natural, subtle way, that is not at all mall-hair-ish. Did I mention it smells SO GOOD? Also, it contains Inca Ichi oil, which I keep seeing everywhere, and have thus concluded that there is soon going to be an exciting and sexy anthropomorphic West Side Story dance-fight between Inca Ichi oil, and Argan oil. THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE.


4. PHILOSOPHY AMAZING GRACE PERFUME ROLLERBALL I've long been intrigued by the rollerball concept, but never found a perfume I liked that came in that form. Recently, I kept smelling this gorgeous, subtle perfume on someone at work, and loved it so much that I needed to casually inquire about it without (I hope) seeming creepy. When I saw it came in a rollerball version, I was even more excited. Based on the perfume notes description, this isn't normally something I would have gone for, but I bought it, and am now creepily sniffing my own arm! A fairy tale ending, if ever there was one.

5. MAYBELLINE BABY LIPS LIP BALM IN GRAPE VINE STOP JUDGING ME  AND JUST TRY IT ALREADY.

6. PILOT EASY TOUCH PRO PEN Are you particular about pens? I am not quiiiiite insane, but I strongly veer in the direction of blue ballpoint, medium point pens, and these are my new favorite. My handwriting continues to be the worst, but at least I FEEL better about it, writing with this bad boy. Which I will probably lose tomorrow.


7. "HELLO" -- MARTIN SOLVEIG AND DRAGONETTE I have had this on repeat for a few days now, and it's on current rotation in our "Now That's What I Call A Kitchen Dance Party! 28" playlist.

And what product/song/whatever is rocking your world of late?